Ready To Make The World Squint

The other morning I came across a reblogged post by Mimi over at Waiting For The Karma Truck that really struck a nerve. Well, it wasn’t actually the blog itself, but Mimi’s comment that got my nerve going. Read on…

I have been having many conversations with friends of mine about what the second half holds. The key perhaps is in re-defining one’s understanding of the concept of ‘doing’ – turning that energy inward and valuing it as much as one valued all those years of externalized effort. Some thoughts for this morning…

The subject of the blog was about aging, a conversation I was also having recently with a dear friend. Calm down we weren’t discussing nursing homes, if fact it was the polar opposite. There were a number of things that brought this subject to the surface, especially our looming “Special Birthdays.” One has already been celebrated, but I must wait with bated breath until February to celebrate mine. 

Mimi made a wonderful point in her response to my comment. She said, “I think some of us are just at the age where we realize that we need to move not just to another chapter, but perhaps another story entirely.” Reading Mimi is like having my own personal Yoda around for a daily dose of wisdom. Shit! I hope she doesn’t bill me. 

Her words immediately had me thinking about all the chapters and several stories in my own life. We all start out with the same story “New Beginnings” , but the rest, well … they’re on us. I decided to compile a Cliff Note version of some of the more noteworthy stories/chapters of my life. 

  • Mommy, Will You Marry Me?:  When I was my sister/best friend had to go to school and leave me ALL day. In that moment I vowed to marry my mommy. That’s right I had amazing sense even at 4. I knew this woman was the best thing that ever happened to me and damn it I wasn’t going to let her get away. We had two wonderful years alone together before I had to join my sister at school, but I never forgot how special I felt as we watched Pixanne and I proposed. 
  • Catholic School or Scarred For Life:  I think it’s safe to say these two go hand in hand. I didn’t have a chance between following in my over achieving sister’s shoes, constantly being reminded about it every time I entered a classroom and being the emotional punching bag for a group of bitter, sex suppressed woman a/k/a nuns. This may come as a surprise, but I really didn’t enjoy school…can’t imagine why. This story lasted 12 long years! 
  • Love Goggles:  Over the years this story has also been referred to as “What The Fuck Was I Thinking?” and What The Fuck Were You Thinking?” on more than one occasion. I fell hard at 16, sealed the deal at 21 and ended the farce at 23. This story lasted close to 8 years! This was more like a series of short stories that always ended with a clear lesson for the readers, however the author was somewhat of a resistant learner who tightened her love goggles to the point of blindness and missed her own lessons.
  • Cupid To The OR … Stat!: This is one of my favorite stories. Cupid certainly had his hands full with me. I walked around with my heart on my sleeve for all to see and when I fell, I fell hard. I went from doormat to a wall to wall carpet while in this relationship, so Cupid had to really push the envelope for me to open my eyes. The procedure took place over a holiday weekend in 1988. Cupid scrubbed up and prepared to surgically remove my “Love Goggles.” He led me right to my bedroom where I saw my husband in bed with another woman…**BAM** they flew right off and I never looked back. There are times when extreme measures are necessary, this was one of those times. 
  • Love, Marriage & Baby Carriages:  After a few years of recovery from my procedure, Cupid put my name on another arrow. This time he dulled the point just enough for me to recognize what true love was all about. After 22 years and 2 great kids later I can say “Thank you Cupid, thank you very much.” This story is still going strong with new chapters being written every day.
  • Lisa, Is That You?:  Considering the amount of years I spent answering to Mommy, Mom, Momma, Momma Bear, Emily’s Mom, Zac’s Mom and Yo Mom, it’s no wonder that LISA was put on the back burner alongside her underwear. That’s right folks, her underwear! Those cotton sacrificial lambs that went YEARS not being replaced because “Mommy” had to make sure the little asses of her offspring were covered first with their latest cartoon character obsession. Oh, how their big smiles over Rug Rat briefs made me forget all about the missing elastic on my own panties. Until the next Chapter…
  • MOM! You’re Fired!:  Talk about not seeing the warning signs of this happening. I went from “Employee of the Year” to the unemployment line overnight.  All my loyal service and they left me in the dust…with semi worn underwear.  Of course they still “need” me, just not nearly as much. I’m proud of the young adults they have become, but I am a nurturer, so I missed shelling out the love, until I realized I had been neglecting the one person who needed my love more than anyone else…ME.
  • Who Loves Ya Baby?:  It took a few years of therapy, an extreme panic attack, a good honest look in the mirror and the big 50 on the horizon for me to realize that Lisa was overdue for some much-needed loving. Here I am challenging my mind, body & soul in ways that I never thought possible. I am physically seeing changes that make me proud of my accomplishments. I am participating at my Quaker Meeting in ways that enable me to walk the talk and feed my soul, but most of all, I am realizing that I am able to take pride in being whoever the hell I want to be. 

Untitled:  I’m not sure where I’m headed, but I know I’m going in the right direction and with a lot less baggage. You may want to brush off your sunglasses and be prepared to squint, I have a feeling I’m going to be giving off quite a glow.

 Remember, if you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave and Enjoy the Ride! 

36 responses

  1. Brilliant look at the chapters. I hope there are lots more — I love long books.

    Oh, an 50 isn’t so bad. Consider the alternative.

  2. I am glad your story has all these chapters. They make you who you are today. I see you as a strong, caring, intellectual, funny, aware, kind, pretty, CrossFitting WOMAN. This blog will have me do the same. I think I need to go back and review some of my past chapters. And decide what to write next!!!!

  3. It’s fun to take a look back, isn’t it? And best when we can keep a sense of humor.

  4. What a great read! Your, Mom, your fired chapter made me laugh out loud. So much of our life has been wrapped up in our families that when are children no longer need us as much, it takes us some time to readjust & think…what the hell do I do now??? 50’s are our time to explore & grow…enjoy:)

  5. From a male point of view Catholic school left more scars on me than I would like to remember. The nuns screwed up my view of women. I mean we had to wear uniforms. That kind of aims you toward policewomen, mail carriers and WACS, WAVES, and WAFS. Now that I’m recovering, I turned 65 last Sunday, I’m amazed by women. They’re fascinating. Now to find the right one.

  6. This is an awesome post and I think it’s amazing how you can tell the stories of your life in chapters. They make me think of my own chapters and inspire me to wonder where I’m actually going next.

  7. Lisa I love you and your chapters are perfect!! You have given me much food for thought in return (including titling my own chapters)…and thank you for thinking so highly of me (btw, I would never bill)..this is awesome!

  8. Thank you! You never did tell us if you got yourself new knickers.

    I love this, and not just because I’m about to go live with an Aging Gracefully post myself. Maybe since you did such a stellar job I’ll write an iPhone advice column instead. Did you really propose to your Mom?

  9. I laughed out loud, I can totally see that happening. I once had a lesbian teacher, who was very much like a man. She would throw erasers at the girls and make remarks about our “girlyness”…it’s a miracle any of us got out alive. Have a wonderful birthday, enjoy your recovery with that special woman!

  10. All true Mimi all true. Naming the chapters was actually fun. I was actually laughing out loud at the thought of Cupid in scrubs. I love having my thoughts fed, it feels so good. Thanks for not charging…lol!

  11. Hahaha! One day I was folding the laundry, looked at those underwear and thought “I’m done!” I went out and purchased a slew of panties and felt like Queen of the universe. That’s when I realized mothers do not need to be martyrs. I can’t wait to read your post!
    Yes, I did propose. I can’t remember milk at the store, but I remember laying on the couch with my mom 45 years ago, in my my green babydoll pajamas, telling her “when I grow up I’m going to marry you and never leave you.”

  12. Thank you Lynn! There were times when I was begging to be layed-off, especially during homework time, but I was devastated when they just let me go. Maybe because it wasn’t my decision, it was theirs. That’s exactly how I look at 50!!

  13. f I didn’t have a sense of humor, I would be in a rubber room…lol.

  14. Me too! Name your chapters, it can certainly give you a good laugh. I was cracking myself up! Oh, I am really looking forward to the next one too…whoot!

  15. Thank you Elyse! I’m looking forward to 50, I think I’ll be badass.

  16. Lisa, you are a bad ass! How do you think you got through some of those chapters? Your bad ass ness! :)
    Thank you for sharing and a much needed smile

  17. I, too am facing the big 5-0 at about the same time as you. I am firmly convinced that the best years lie ahead. So may possibilities. Can’t wait to start writing those next chapters. May your table of contents continue to grow with great variety.

  18. Lisa, I love this reflection. I have moments where I look back on when I could have done something better or differently and lament (unfortunately, there were more than a few). At 54, I am going through the same pondering on the next phase. Good luck on finding that path forward which suits you. All the best, BTG

  19. had a similar conversation with my friend this weekend. We are at the point of defining what our role is now and who we are. She is recently retired and no longer a caretaker of her father, who passed away. I am trying to decide if I am a caretaker to my hubby or if I should go out to work again or if we are at the point of retiring ourselves. Still, though, I am stuck here while surgeries are taking place and hubby cannot function fully on his own… ahh…. the seasons of our lives, it’s the adventure that counts, isn’t it?

  20. Thank you and right back at ya! Who knows maybe we’ll bump into each other on that path.

  21. It’s amazing how much we learn. I am so excited to see where my path will lead and this time I’m prepared to kick those bumps to the side of the road!

  22. Maybe I’ll teach a badass class in my next story….hmm, something to ponder.

  23. Adventure indeed! There must be something in the air, because there are an awful lot of women having this conversation. Best of luck to hubby!

  24. Lisa, I fucking love that you said, “Shit!” And “fuck”.

    Girlfriend! You have the pen AND the paper, it’s time to write your own damn story.

    (Oh my… four “swears” in one comment!)

  25. Go at the big 5-0 with passion and fervor. Just look at it as the second long chapter of your life and big chance to experience more. 50 is the new 30!

  26. Hahahaha! I have been known to use fuck as a comma.

  27. You are so going to rule 50! Have a ball and really enjoy it, you definitely deserve it.

  28. That was wonderful and brought tears to my eyes. I would gladly read your book when it hits the Amazon Top Sellers list :)

  29. It was so nice getting to know you better. Loved this post!

  30. This is one of your best…aging…it stalks doesn’t it. I love the first vignette about marrying your mother…couldn’t help being a little jealous since I never felt that way about mine…and Catholic School…oh boy…can I relate to that. This was so thoughtful…thanks.

  31. Untitled will be one of the most interesting chapters, if not entire books, you will write. Love this post!

  32. I thought “He led me right to my bedroom where I saw my husband in bed with another woman…” was one of the most powerful lines I’ve ever read on this blog.

    Then I read, “’I’m proud of the young adults they have become, but I am a nurturer, so I missed shelling out the love, until I realized I had been neglecting the one person who needed my love more than anyone else…ME.”

    Don’t ever forget the lessons these chapters have imparted upon you, my friend.

  33. You have an amazing sense of humor, Lisa. :)

  34. LOVE YA BABY from a recently fired mother and wife after 20 years and Cupid just may have found me after living 17 +/- years without him in my life. Now it’s MY chapter written by me !

    Thanks for HOPE : )

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