Stripping Down

Memories….some are blessing and some are indeed lessons. Recently, I’ve been driving the MLC (Mid Life Crisis) convertible to work, due to a change in carpool arrangements with my son.  This is not something I wanted to do at all.  I didn’t want to drive the enlightenment vessel to WORK…it will ruin the joy, but the alternative of the teenager driving it to school changed my mind.

Well, well, well…. sometimes things just really do happen for a reason now don’t they.

I stopped to get gas and the ex-husband rolls right into the pump next to me. He doesn’t even notice me. Actually he never took his eyes off of his phone. It’s not that I don’t “see” him around, he lives within walking distance from me, in his parent’s basement.  You are all smart enough to fill in those blanks.  He sat in the car, while wife #3 went in to pay for the gas…somethings really, really never do change.

NEWS FLASH:  If you think you have the “power” to change someone…think again. 

Needless to say this scene had me thinking… “Is there a THANK YOU card big enough for this guy?”   Of course I can say that now, this “marriage” ended almost 24 years ago…a lifetime ago in the book of me.  This part of my book was young, fun and filled with hope and promise, but the last chapter ended dramatically. I came home to him in our bed with another woman.  O, yea, that crap does happen outside of the Lifetime channel. Needless to say, the term “crime of passion” was completely understood.

As I was driving I remembered the aftermath of that day and the devastation that followed. Then it came…the FLASHBACK:  I couldn’t believe I forgot about my meltdown. Well, I guess I didn’t actually forget it, I just packed it away because I didn’t need it anymore…but this encounter brought it back to the surface and it left me laughing out loud. Never underestimate the power of a hissy fit!  After they abruptly left the bedroom and sped off down the street.  I started to stuff all of his belongings into big trash bags; I grabbed the bottles of wine and glasses from the night stands (o, yes) and drug everything to his parents house, a block away.  I have no idea why I went there, but I did. Maybe I just assumed this is where he would be living..who knows.  I started dumping all the clothes on their front lawn, poured the wine all over the clothes, topped it all off with the glasses and began jumping up and down on everything.  I’m a little disappointed that YouTube wasn’t around, because I am confident this would have went viral. Now, I can only hope that it’s at least considered Folklore amongst the neighbors.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them”  Maya Angelou

No need to feel bad for me because this was single handedly the best thing that could have ever happened.  This guy showed me who he was looooong before the “I do’s”, but I didn’t believe him. I was still under the impression that he would…change.  He tried to tell me over and over again who he was and I am the one who chose to close my eyes, cover my ears and sing lalalalalalala for years. He continued to live his life according to my low expectations, as I continued to surrender another piece of myself each day.

This memory is both a blessing and a lesson. Having the ability to forgive, not him…..myself, has given me the opportunity to get well and MOVE ON.

 Since then I have been blessed with the opportunity to turn the page, start new chapters and direct myself towards a happy ending. We all have the POWER to say this is NOT how the story is going to END so  …… Enjoy The Ride! 

11 responses

  1. I am laughing with you! I am not sure when it sunk into my head that no one changes, but it was long before I was serious with anyone. I think my mom did a good job training me on that point anyway….
    The visual of what you did is hilarious although I used to garage sale and had been to a few where the scorned woman was GIVING away all of his things. Golf clubs, suits, everything!! At least you had some compassion. He got to retrieve all of his ruined stuff..

    1. Hahahaha ….scorned women should come with warning labels…seriously!

  2. I had a similar situation almost 20 years ago. It took me a few years to recover but I am SOOOOO much better off. I can’t believe it was as painful as it was. Just as you did, I have had a much better life after him.

    1. Honestly, when you are in that moment you really don’t believe happiness will ever be possible..it’s paralyzing. I’m glad WE both proved that feeling WRONG.

      ps.. I actually felt bad for wife #3, she looked so tired.

      1. Yeah, I know what you mean.

  3. I just got home from dinner and a bottle of vino is gone and THIS, well this is hysterical!!!!!!!! I cut the crotch out of his underwear, and threw it in the woods across the street! When his mother (mommy) called I told her where she could pick up after her mess…in the woods across the street…and very honestly NEVER gave it a thought after that….we will talk later on those details! Tonight after dinner some of this came up and I realized how much better I am now because I really DID let it go…THAT is what makes this funny! KEEP WRITING! There are more of us than you know that maybe need to hear they are NOT alone! XOXOXOOXOXOXOOXOXOXO

  4. It’s funny how you didn’t give it a thought either. The only things I had to think about were the debt and house, but him…not really. I have a feeling it’s because I already knew he was an ass, but I had to “see” if for myself to make it real. A few years ago my son said.”mom,I’m so glad you didn’t stay with that guy, I would be so ugly”…I think I laughed for days. XOXO Glad you enjoyed it!

  5. I’ve been lucky enough to NOT have experienced this. But denial and love do go hand in hand all too often. It’s always a balancing act, isn’t it? I was desperately in love with a man I expected to marry. If I had, he’d be dead and I would be in jail. Sometimes things just work out the way they’re supposed to!

    1. Hahahaha Well played Elyse, well played. Yes, they do go hand in hand as well.

  6. Inspirational story. I tweeted it and it was immediately retweeted. Thanks!

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