A Flock of Fortune

As I watched the 48 Septa Transit workers collect their Power Ball winnings, I have to wonder..hey, what about me?  I should
certainly have won the big ticket by now, what’s the hold up universe?  Oh, that’s right, you must play to win..I hate details.

Honestly though, I should just be finding random bags of loot on every corner at this point.  People should be flocking to me trying to rub my head for a smidgin of my good fortune. Why you ask…Bird Poop…that’s why.

When Bird Droppings Land On Your Head 

Many people believe this to be a major sign of wealth coming from heaven. Although, it is really yucky and a major inconvenience, when something like this happens to you, take comfort in the fact that this is described as good luck being just around the corner! In fact, most things associated with birds tend to spell good fortune, such as when birds fly to your home and start making nests in and around your house.  Birds bring good news and opportunities. 

LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A TARGET BOYS!

I always have Morning Doves nest in my window boxes. I’ve had a bird fly into my car and just sit on the dashboard like a bobble head, and I’ve had a crow…yes a crow in my house…in the city. Strangely enough, birds have always freaked me out, especially after what I’m about to reveal.

It was lunchtime and my friends decided to stop in a store, while I waited for them outside. Suddenly there was a splash that hit the sidewalk. I honestly thought a construction crew spilled a can of paint..it was that loud. Sadly it was a SPLASH of bird droppings. There I stood, shocked and drenched in bird poop..on my 45 minute lunch break none the less.

Just when you think it can’t possibly get worse…oh, indeed it can.  Now, I’m not only drenched in bird poop, I have (2) men in a pick-up truck, barley breathing from laughing so hard and waving a TISSUE out of the window. The passenger musters up enough air to say..”hey, do you know that’s good luck?” Well, if that were true, you would have already vanished or provided me with the BATH SHEET necessary to remove this shit!  

ALRIGHT BOYS…LET’S DO THIS ON 3
1 2 3…POOP!

Now, my friends come out and are stunned at the site of me, but of course laughing.  These are the friends I have in my life…laugh first…help second.  If statements like “what are going to do?” followed by more laughter, is considered help.

We look up to determine just how many or what kind of bird does it take to create this amount of damage. Is there a Teradactyl hanging off the side of the building?  By the way, I would be fine with that ending.

FYI, apparently it takes about 25 pigeons, who no doubt spent the morning scarfing up day old burrito scraps in a Taco Bell parking lot, before flying into town to take a well organized, simultaneous poop…just for some laughs.  Oh, trust me, pigeons think they’re hysterical..in a NOT FUNNY pull my finger kind of way.

Here is where the story gets even more bizarre than the gallons of poop falling from the sky. I actually went to a store, purchased an outfit, changed clothes and rinsed my hair in a sink. Headed back to the office with a wet head and new clothes and … NOT ONE PERSON NOTICED!  To this day it boggles my mind.

Although I didn’t hit the lottery following this lunchtime horror show, I did get a unexpected job offer and I was introduced to my husband. Not bad for 45 minutes of hell.

So, the next time you see a pigeon heading your way…open your arms and shout …”Bring It On you feathery flock of fortune…Bring It On!”  Enjoy the Ride!

19 responses

  1. Great story! I would laugh too, I’m sorry to say. Hard. I would feel terribly guilty for the rest of the day, I promise. And I’d help you make sure everybody at work noticed your new outfit by saying “hey, you need a bit of white to make that outfit perfect!”

    I’ve had a humming bird and a Carolina wren in my house. I didn’t know I was the lucky one because of that. I thought that the birds were the lucky ones because they survived my dog trying to eat them. Which is lucky for the birds, but not so much for the dog who was disappointed.

  2. Haha!
    That’s not a ‘Haha, poor you’ kinda laugh, that’s an appreciative laugh!
    Now I wish more birds would poop on me. In fact one almost did, but it missed by 6 inches. Darn it! And to think I was so happy. I could have been offered a job and met my future husband too!
    Excuse me, while I go out and try to get pooped on 😀

  3. Michelle Gillies | Reply

    I could use the job offer but you can keep the husband. 😉
    Bring on the bird droppings!

  4. Those poor birds just couldn’t process all that pink slime in those leftover tacos, but good that you were the lucky target. Cheers!

    1. Oh, there is no doubt pink slime has caused havoc in many colons …including the animal kingdom.

  5. Bird droppings, job offers and man meetings…..oh my! What a lucky gal you are! 🙂

  6. What a CRAPTASTIC day that turned out to be…….;)

    1. Hahahahaha! Yes, even though it didn’t feel like it at the time…lol

  7. Some days you are the one getting pooped on and some days you are the bird.

  8. free penny press | Reply

    Ha.. great story and a bird pooped on my windshield yesterday.. maybe that means good fortune is right around that corner..

  9. Sorry, I laughed all the way through this . . .

  10. Love the day-old Taco Bell reference–but I think even “fresh” Taco Bell would have the same effect on our fine feathered f(r)iends.

    1. Hahahaha I think you are correct!

  11. The pictures ate great and I had no idea birds are lucky. This is great news since I have an ongoing affair with them. I enjoy your writing immensely.

  12. LOL. Our crows are creepy around here. They’ve stalked me, chased us down the street for a month because they blamed our dogs for killing their chick and dive bombed me countless times. I have a few podcasts about our crows. This is certainly a Does This Happen to You moment. Can I narrate this story for my podcast, too?

  13. I never would have laughed. I would immediately have helped you, given you the clothes off my own back if need be, but I never would have laughed. You believe me, don’t you? When my daughter was young, every time we went anyplace outdoors, like the zoo or the botanical gardens, a bird would poop on her head. She finally started wearing a baseball cap every time she left the house. She was a bird poop magnet.

  14. Here is the link to your story on my podbean site. I had great fun narrating this one, http://kriskkaria.podbean.com/.

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