Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin with the changes, growth or both that are going on in this house. As you know, I started writing this blog in response to what I thought, still think, is my husband’s Mid-Life Crisis. He purchased a 2000 Mercedes Convertible, with no input from yours truly.
I took this as time for change. A good excuse to turn around the hum drums for something new. This Pisces does not fair well with confrontation, I embrace. Correction: Hissy fitting followed by embrace!
The intention was that we could spend some much-needed couple time together, taking rides in the country and what not. He has a motorcycle that has always been his source of decompression. I did my time on the back of a bike and have no desire to do it today, hence his thought process for the car. He can still get that wind in your hair feeling he gets from his bike, but instead of being with the Wild Hogs, he can be with me. Which is such a better choice… just saying.
That being said, fast forward to last weekend. He has been doing a major remodeling project on our home. Of course the end result will be beautiful as always, it’s getting to the end that is so UGLY. He has his job, a side business and this project all going on at once. Ask for help did you say? No thank you, there is no one else on the planet capable of doing things the right way. That’s the price you pay when you’re a perfectionist.
Apparently, now that the pressure is mounting he is noticing what I’m NOT doing…my “wifely duties.” According to Ward Cleaver, I’m always on the computer, there is no love going into the dinners and I’m not paying attention to him. Ok, guilty as charged, but Ward isn’t the only one with a list.
Hey, let’s face it, no one likes hearing these things about themselves, but sometimes they are necessary to open up the dialog. Even if “dialog” means kicking and screaming.
I will admit to having a hot and heavy affair with my MacBook Pro! My blog is fulfilling the emotional needs that aren’t being met in my house and I am one Porn Site away from being fully satisfied. Mac can give me everything I want and need, without ever leaving the chair! Mac is new, fun, interesting and fulfilling, but he’s also hurting the person I love. Time for some more changes.
Needless to say this lead to a heated discussion, loaded with hurt feelings, emotions and a frozen ham. Yes, a frozen fossilized ham! My hubby told me to sit down he wanted to “show” me something. 20 years ago this had a whole other meaning, so my excitement quickly turned to disappointment.
He proceeds to the kitchen and walks back in with a ham. “Look at the date, what does it say?” Drum roll please….2001. “What do you think about that?” Hmm, nothing that wouldn’t be held against me in a Court of law that’s for sure.
Silence on this end due to the shock that my husband was holding a frozen ham in our living room and the horror that I was thinking about bludgeoning him with it. I silently left to go food shopping. No ham was purchased.
Now, in my defense, it was a free ham I got for spending so much money at the store or something. I would never eat it in a million years (or at least 11), but it was “free.” I’m sure my intention was to donate it to a food cupboard, but even good intentions can go bad. I was busy with the kids who were 6 & 8 when that frozen swine crossed the threshold. Jeez, now I’m starting to feel bad for not including it on the Christmas Card!
So, for 11 years it’s been sitting in the back of the freezer watching all the other food come and go. This ham was on death row waiting for a pardon, which was officially denied last Sunday when it hit the trash can….HARD. Following the execution, my hubby left for a week-long motorcycle trip to Nova Scotia, giving us both some much-needed time to gather our thoughts.
Whew, was I dwelling on the ham, which at this point was being referred to as the F’ing ham around these parts. Needless to say the whole presentation of the ham as if it were some sort of trump card infuriated me. Seriously, if he knew it was in there why the hell didn’t he get rid of it? Was he just waiting for the perfect opportunity to slam me with the out dated ham? Was this a premeditated move to make me feel bad? Who was this man with the ham? Not my husband that’s for sure. Ugh, the downside of change and growth has entered the building.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer in matters of personal development, and one person may need to change fundamentally where another just needs to grow in a particular area. So what do you do when both are suddenly noticeable in your life? Well, you have to decide if you want to be “right”, “happy” or “compromise.” My husband is not here to teach me lessons, anymore than I am here to change him, however we are both here to learn through our growth. The difficult part comes in the willingness to wait-up if the other falls behind….growth has a speed of its own folks.
The ham obviously represents several different things, but most importantly …. neglect. That frozen slab of ham ass reminded me that when it entered the freezer, so did my identity. The freezer door closed and I became engaged in the lives of my children and disengaged in being a woman. As much as I tried to balance the different roles in my life, something or someone was bound to be neglected….ME.
Now that the kids have left me in the dust, I’ve been trying to resurrect ME back into the world, but I’ve been lost. Slowly I’ve been growing into the new ME through writing. My new challenge is balancing what I have grown to love, with the man I love.
Now it’s time to re-engage the ME back into US and watch the wonderfulness unfold so we can …. Enjoy the Ride! …. TOGETHER.