Fantasy Friday

There has been quite a bit of chatter amongst the ladies about fantasies. Let’s face it; between Magic Mike and 50 Shades, this Summer is one of the hottest on record. This does not include flashes or dew point averages … they are a separate kind of hot.

Here is the low down folks. I wasted 10 hard-earned dollars saw Magic Mike. Seriously, I’ve seen better plots in porno flicks! The lack of chemistry between the characters was so awkward for the audience, especially this patron, I actually found myself wanting an unexpected plumber to appear on the screen to “take care of pipes.” I still don’t think there was a script. 

I will admit to enjoying the dance moves of Channing Tatum, however I am NOT turned on by guys even if they are smoking hot who wear oversized sweat pants accessorized with a baseball cap. Construction workers, anyone resembling a cast member of Mad Men and of course the Indian or I guess since it’s 2012, the Native American from the Village People would do it at any given time …. Depending on the mood of course. 

As for 50 Shades of Grey, I haven’t jumped on that bandwagon…yet. I think I’ll hop on board at the end of July, when my kiddies will be enjoying the shore without us. We will have the Love Shack house all to ourselves, just in case there are any side effects to reading what Mr. Grey has to offer. Any who…

All of this chatter had me thinking about my own fantasies. Guess what, they don’t include men. Put your filthy minds away right now. Let’s see what good old Merriam Webster has to say about the word Fantasy shall we.

FANTASY: noun; the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.

Thank you Merriam for setting the record straight, those Fantasies do not have to include sex. That being said let me reveal some of my most passionate thoughts. There is one fantasy that I’ve been having for years … Jeez, just the thought puts a huge smile on my face. As each year passes, I add different scenarios that just make it better and better….ahh. Oops, slipped right off into La La Land for a moment. Let get down to biz…here is just a taste of what gets this momma excited.

I long for the day when my son gets his own dwelling, for so many reasons, but none more satisfying than what I am about to disclose. The anticipation can be overwhelming at times. Brace yourselves folks….

After a long day of helping him move into his new place, our bodies still covered in sweat, my husband and I slowly walk over to the refrigerator to grab some cold juice boxes. Our son immediately notices the juice boxes from his childhood, forming a huge smile on his face.

On cue like 2 well-organized Ninjas, we drop the juice boxes. In a flash we start jumping on them shooting the juice across the room hopefully on a light-colored carpet to see who can shoot it the furthest. We walk over to our son, pick his jaw up off the floor and tell him Game On as we laugh all the way home. I have goose bumps! 

After we arrive home we discuss our next encounter. The anticipation of being invited to a dinner party brings shivers down my spine. Should we start off slow by flushing the glass votive holders down the toilet or do we slam hard with the unexpected and decorate the hallway with EVERY Always Maxi with Wings in the box … either way I’ll leave satisfied…I might even have a smoke!

Fantasies are a wonderful escape from reality. It doesn’t matter if they include the likes of Magic Mike and Christian Grey or if they are filled with juice boxes and maxi pads. If you’re smiling in the end that’s all the matters.

Imagination is everything, don’t leave home without it.  Enjoy the Ride! 

27 responses

  1. I have a feeling your juice box scheme won’t warrant a return invite.

    1. No worries there are always those “emergency” visits. I’ll always be ready with a match box car or army man to be accidentally flushed. We had lots and lots of “accidental” flushes around this house.

  2. You are going to wreck his room, which will be hilarious but then, and I know you, you will end up going back to clean it up because you won’t be able to sleep knowing there was a mess left 🙂

  3. Your fantasies are scary!

    1. Scarier was being on a first name basis with the Stanley Steamer guy….lol

  4. I haven’t gone to Grey yet either (damn Brothers Karamazov!)… but to add to your reading list, “The Adventures of Sleeping Beauty” by Anne Rice – yes… THAT Anne Rice. A recently heard review of Grey is that its not the “bodice ripper” (gag) with a lot of blah, blah, blah, sex, blah, blah, blah…..but it IS written for a younger crowd and therefore a quick read but was always a good read.

    I still haven’t seen Magic Mike yet… the reviews aren’t giving me much hope.

    Fantasies… mine all involve hours-long massages, sand, water, a cocktail and loose clothing… if any at all. And no sex. (I hear more men’s fantasies being shattered…)

  5. Haha! Love your fantasy!
    Now I want to jump on a juice box for no apparent reason

    1. Feel free, but do it outside. lol

  6. Loving the fantasies. You’re so right about them not having to be about sex.

    I fantasize about writing the perfect post. Please do not confuse that sentence with “riding” the perfect post. Is there a perfect post?

    This was a great counterpoint to all the Shades stuff that’s out there.

    1. Hahahaha! Riding the Post is freaking hilarious. Hahaha

  7. Holding back on 50 Shades on principle (principal?). Not original, but fanzine. Based on one of the Vampire things. It’s cool that it became a best seller outside the stodgy old publishing racket, but honestly.

    Had to google (i.e. check out) the Native American from the Village People. Did you know he bears a striking resemblance to Jon Hamm?

    Always good to plan ahead for the empty nest.

  8. My comment keeps going south for some reason so if you suddenly get 3 that’s why.
    Loved the post. Made me think how the bookshop near my house can’t keep 50 Shades of Gray on their shelf. New York can’t get enough of it.

    Love the picture of Sophia and Marchello. This is how I will picture you from now on.
    Will never look at a juice box the same way again however.

  9. ROFL!

    Ahh, yes 50 shades. I enjoyed it. Christian Grey will stay with you for days! And that doesn’t happen often in a book! Enjoy your vacation in the Love Shack! Great post!

    1. Days?! I better rest up. Thanks for stopping by.

  10. free penny press | Reply

    You are too funny.. Love that Maxi Pad idea,, I did once just because I could, throw strawberries at the wall.. they actually left some pretty cool streaks (clean up was a bitch)

  11. Your fantasy is 50 shades brighter than grey!! Thanks for the delicious moment! I’m right there with you, stomping on juice boxes and wearing muddy soccer cleats through the living room!

    1. Hahahaha! You are welcome. Thanks for stopping by and including muddy soccer cleats into the scenario …. ahhhhh

  12. So funny!! I love it!!! My fantasies include mashed potatoes and strawberry shortcake. Also no real men, except maybe as co-eaters. 🙂 I haven’t ventured into the 50 shades territory yet…I am usually late to these types of things. Great post!

  13. That’s why there are fantasies and sexual fantasies. You can tell the juice box scenario is a fantasy, because in reality, he’d probably join right in with you guys. You could stand there on your juice box, watching as he forfeits his security deposit right before your eyes.

    As mentioned above, the Sleeping Beauty series by Anne Rice is well written, but damn there’s a lot of spanking, paddling and bondage in it! (…or so I’ve heard…)

    1. I was thrilled when he grew out of the the “Juice Box Races” phase, but paybacks are a bitch. I saved every thing we ever recovered from his “flushing” stage as well. His security deposit could never amount to what we forked out in the first 6 years…thank goodness he was so dam cute!

      1. For the record, I don’t think I was cute for more than a few weeks, and even then, it was a “so-odd-looking-he’s-cute” type deal.

        Worse thing ever flushed in our house was a simple little paint brush. Got caught in the “S” part of the toilet…we snaked and snaked and liquid plummr’ed till the cows came home, but as soon as one piece of TP went down, it caught on that stupid paint brush.

        It’s ironic…I know how Billy Pilgrim felt in Slaughterhouse Five when he became unstuck in time. I’m writing these remembrances about my kids’ childhoods here, messaging my now grown son son in Mexico on another screen, and I wrote a nostalgic post about my own childhood that I’m posting tomorrow. Vonnegut was a genius.

  14. Michelle Gillies | Reply

    If you are really considering reading 50 shades take a look at Speaker7’s blog series on the book. She totally cured me of wanting to read it…not to mention it is pretty funny stuff. http://speaker7.wordpress.com/fifty-shades-of-grey/

    1. OMG! I’m crying. I must follow Speaker7. I really had no desire to read it.It’s not my kind of book. I am reading Barrel Fever by David Sedaris. Let’s just say I’m must more turned on by a man who can make me laugh.

      1. Michelle Gillies

        I hear you. Although they don’t often appreciate when you laugh at them … while … you know. 😉

  15. Wonderful! Is it a betrayal to womanhood to admit my fantasies don’t include sex either? Love the juice popping idea, may just have to steal it. And can thoroughly reccomend a reading encounter with Mr Grey. Just don’t go into it expecting great literature. Enjoy it for the fascinating character study it is.

  16. I love this! It made me think of my own. I thought that with the kids in college we would be jetsetting every weekend! I forgot that you need lots of money to jetset…
    Right now being land locked in Colorado, I long for hot summer beaches with cool summer nights, the sound and scent of the ocean lingering in the air… Maybe this fall….. still fantasizing…..

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