Meet The Cobs

Thank you Mother Nature for giving us a well-earned break from the fires of hell on Sunday. We took a long ride in the MLC (Mid-Life Crisis) for the newcomers.

No plans, just a ride…or so I thought. We were somewhere around Quakertown, PA when we pulled into an empty church parking lot. Of course the million dollar question is “what are we doing here?”  I heard the response, but I just wasn’t on the same page as…”this is the house I was telling you about, the one next to the church.”  Some lightbulbs were going off, but they were dim and I was still stuck on church & home being used in the same sentence. 

The house was nice, very well-groomed, empty and a good price. All good right? We turned around in the parking lot and there was nothing but CORN as far as the eye could see. My hubby asked..”so what do you think?’ I didn’t pull the guns out at first, I made some nice comments about the house, but then I had to ask “who will I talk to, there is no one here?  “Me” was the response. Yea, love is one thing, 24/7  is a whole other story.

It appeared GOD was on my side, the words SALE PENDING were covering the FOR SALE portion of the sign. Well played God, well-played indeed. 

We continued on with our day. I was enjoying the scenery along with the music, as I was continuously being reminded how “nice & quiet” it was around those parts. Yep, it really must be a hit for people who are into silence. 

The sales pitches were coming at me like darts, but I was loosing my case bad, almost at a slaughter level. My case started off with a very weak …”that shopping area looked congested, almost dirty.”  Considering I’m from Philadelphia, that doesn’t even make sense, yet it came right out of this mouth. The look was enough, no need for words to slam that insane defense. The Green Acres theme song was just pounding away in my head at this point.

One thing throughout the entire day stood out like a sore thumb, only women seemed to be cutting the lawn. I saw women on tractors, riding mowers and pushing mowers with hot pink sound proof ear phones. She was hardcore about battling those blades of grass…why? 

I started the conversation about the high volume of women cutting the lawn, only to hear yet another sales pitch. “See you could be out cutting the lawn instead of being on the computer.” Really? Yea, this was the turning point, ready…aim…fire! 

Me:  First of all I’m allergic to everything under the sun, I can’t even pick a tomato in our garden without a suit of armor and I still seem to come inside with a tick or a rash.

Meet The Cobs

The only reason those woman are cutting the lawn is to escape the madness inside those homes! If they don’t do something with their hands they will be bludgeoning someone with a frying pan.

Let me just give you a scenario of our life surrounded by corn. You’ll go to work, but now your day will be longer because we are so far from civilization. This leaves me alone with my imagination, creative abilities and CORN. So, don’t be surprised when you come home and find extra place settings for our guests The Cobs.

That’s right, I will be spending my days sewing little outfits for The Cobs, to match the imaginary personalities I created.

Of course you’ll go along with this insanity out of fear, knowing it’s only a matter of time before Pop, the disgruntled Cob shows up to wreak havoc on the silence. For the record….I don’t even like corn!

Oddly enough throughout my entire presentation Bridge Over Troubled Water was playing on the radio….it didn’t help. 

Hubby: Well, it looks like we’re going to need something between the corn and the city. 

Me:  Amen! 

We laughed most of the way back to civilization. We agreed that even though something was “moving” in our neighbor’s trash bag, it doesn’t mean we have to be exiled to the silence of corn fields for the rest of your days. Compromise is good….unless it involves bringing a “moving” trash bag to corn land to add some city spice, which yes, was suggested during the sales pitch. 

Happiness is meeting in the middle while you…Enjoy the Ride!

48 responses

  1. Hilarious….. if I hadn’t grown up surrounded by corn, I would probably not be laughing so hard. Seriously, I enjoy driving through the suburbs and seeing men mow the lawn… one of my fantasies.

    1. See, something tells me you know all about making corn people.
      I want to see David Beckham mowing the lawn…or me for that matter…lol

  2. If you’d have driven even further away from civilization, you’d have gotten to the place where no one cuts the lawn – the cows and sheep eat it.

  3. For the record. I have the same fantasies with my wife, only it’s not Quakertown, it’s Fiji. Apparently the South Pacific is entirely too far away from the grandkids.

      1. Sadly, that’s not how it works. We watch house Hunters International, and then no matter where the house is, we can’t live there, for the same reason.

      2. As a woman, I see her point.

      3. As someone who will one day croak without having taken big chances or lived for ourselves, I sometimes don’t…just sayin…

      4. Understanding and agreeing are two different things. There is always Skype and frequent flier miles. I know exactly how you feel…believe me. I already put myself 2nd, I don’t want to be 3rd.

      5. Sorry…kind of a sore spot.

        Parenthood (and now grandparenthood) kind of do that. It’s not a lack of love, in fact it may be a surplus of it.

        I’m getting fatalisitic at times and feel like there will be no golden years, just working for everyone else until death…Lordy me! What a ray of sunshine I am!

      6. Hahaha! Simmer down Sunny you’re not alone. My son just asked “why can’t we get a shore house?” answer: because we had you and you are very expensive. I honestly don’t know how my parents did it, but they did. Hang in there Point : )

      7. thanks…I’ll survive…what’s the worst that’ll happen? I’ll grow older and more bitter and then write about it!

  4. Okay, for starters the corn, The Supremes of produce. Where do you find these pictures. So funny. Also, unless you’re turning Amish I hope you realize it would be a really bad idea. You do have a big say in this, right? Now the Green Acres theme is going in my head too and I’m sitting in a Starbucks.

    Oh yeah, most importantly, DO NOT STOP WRITING. If he drags you to Cornville againat your will you can still pen in between husks.

    1. Hahaha! They reminded me of the Supremes to…lol. I am just lucky with the photos.
      Please, as if I could ever leave civilization. Even my daughter said..”mom could so make corn people.” He knew when I practically hugged the first traffic light we saw, there was no way this girl could part with city life.

      1. EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. Ah, Sunday afternoon rides in the country…I’ve lived in NYC so long, carless, I’d forgotten how much fun it was to hijack my mother’s 1970 Buick Wildcat convertible for a joyride to Columbus (OH) on $3-worth of gas! Thanks for THAT reminder and for the chuckles you provided! xoM

    1. $3.00 for a tank…now that is hysterical! Yea, filling this convertible was close to 70.00…it only take Premium.

      1. It was $3 for half a tank – still pretty good! And we did far on that: Cleveland to Columbus and back. Today that $3 won’t get me out of the parking spot!

  6. Michelle Gillies | Reply

    Heheheheh, hysterical! Although, had it been me I’m afraid it would have been a different kind of hysteria. I love the whole “Meet the Cobs” scenario and can picture you dressing them up while he is building his “field of dreams”. I’m so glad God was on your side.

    1. God knows I wouldn’t do well in a prison environment.

  7. I live a little north of Quakertown and that would have been a little more small cityish. In my neighborhood hired people mow (except for my husband who does his own yardword) and there are no cornfields. I spend 2 years living in the country once. Worst two years of my life. Everything was 25 miles including pizza and beer. Not gonna do that again!

    1. 2 YEARS! People serve less time for crimes. You are a saint! I’m glad you’re back. That is what I need “small cityish” that is perfect.

  8. My sister and I made corn husk dolls. Growing up in Wisconsin, we were “Children of the Corn…”

    1. Hahahahaha! I knew someone was going to bring up Children of the Corn. No doubt you will now be staring in my dream one of the nice cobs of course.

      1. But of course! **stares through stalks**

  9. Yea, love is one thing, 24/7 is a whole other story. Love That One! Cutting grass instead of being on the computer… Another Good One! That was a scary ride for sure.

    1. Oh please 24/7…no…absolutely not. It was scary when we pulled into the church parking lot and I thought we were going to make out!

  10. Great post. But those types of decisions can be hard when you are hitched for better or for worse and for richer or for poorer to someone else! I am glad that when it comes to those types of decisions, my husband and I match up pretty well. It’s all the smaller decisions that require a PhD in compromise in our house! 😉 Glad you were able to escape the corn maze!

    1. We both agreed in the end that civilization is a good thing. I really think he just knows I am very capable of making corn people.

      1. Ha!! Send me one!!! I love my corn!!

  11. Our husbands must be related… we drive past 60 acre+ properties in the middle of absolutely nothing and the lightbulb over his head goes off… he was raised in the middle of the sticks, literally, and although my ‘city’ was a small one, I still need neighbors closer than 3 miles down the road!! When you hit a compromise, please share it! DAF

    1. The thought of corn people had him leaning in my direction, my daughter saying “you know she’ll do it” pretty much sealed the deal.

      1. love it when a plan comes together…. (insert evil laugh)…

  12. So happy you ignored the sales pitch! As you know, I moved to the country almost six years ago & I’m still kicking my self in the ass. I’m so bored, I need a new word for bored. You & I are city girls through & through. I miss the concrete jungle everyday ! Glad you ad a nice drive though 🙂

  13. Oh, Tops, I live in fear of retirement. 24/7? Him? Me? God help us both. He wants to retire year round in Maine; I want to summer there. Enjoy the snow is my refrain. 24/7 Him? Me? Surefire way to end a perfectly good marriage.

    1. You are not moving to Maine. My sister-in-law left the city for Maine and now I can barely have a conversation with her. Weather is always the topic…no thanks I’ll watch some paint dry thank you.

      1. That’s what happened to my parents when they moved to Florida. I’ll work on not talking about weather when I’m there. But there is no way I will be there year-round! Maybe I can just talk about weather in different places?

  14. But you would be such a perfect target for aliens and their artistic crop circles! Plus, do corn fields even have internet connections?
    I love both the corn pictures! Hilarious!

    1. Now see, if he would have only used the alien adduction sales pitch, he could have had me.

  15. Wow, my friend! God bless my rural friends, but MLB and I will always be close to civilization. Just can’t do something too far from the amenities of life: Starbucks, Best Buy, Domino’s, grocery stores, Super Wal-Mart, Joe’s Crab Shack, et al. What can I say? Am I shallow? Perhaps. hehehe

    I admire you for sticking to your guns!

  16. Too funny! You could make some whiskey with all that corn and do shots with the Cobb family – just not while operating heavy farm equipment!

  17. So no Children of the Corn, then? I am always amazed by stories where you have the countryside within easy striking distance of home. Such a foreign world to me.

  18. I grew up on a farm. I don’t miss it. Its fun to go back every once in awhile though.

  19. I can’t even think of moving far away from civilization. But, yes I love the silence and I would love to live in such a place for 3-4days, but for rest of my life. It will be a big task for me. 🙂
    The way you have presented the post was great. Love the fun parts and pictures too.

  20. I’ve nominated you for The Booker Award. Part of the award requires you listing your 5 favorite books and I’m really interested in seeing what they are. Thanks for writing.

  21. AHHHHHHHH HAHAHHAHAHAHA! Bludgeoning with a frying pan…I’ve been there and not in corn country! You’re killing me!

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