Zaaaaaac’s Mooooom!

LAUGHTER: the experience or manifestation of mirth, amusement, scorn, or joy.

I love to laugh and it’s no secret that I enjoy making others join right in on the silliness. Over the past few weeks, mostly though writing this blog, I’ve been having flashbacks of different times in my life when the laughter took over into nothing short of hysteria.

My very first memory of this happening was in my 3rd grade classroom. I sat next to Philip Shreiber. Ah, Philip had one of those faces that always lit up like a cartoon. You actually can be born animated, Philip was living proof. Philip always appeared to be on the brink of laughter, which of course is contagious, especially in a  restricted environment like a Catholic school classroom.

That’s all it ever took was eye contact to get the giggles going. Well, all I remember about this day was he pointed at me with his shoe and we both lost complete control. I’m so easy.

Sister Marie Donald one of the good ones asked us to refrain, which as we all know is impossible. We were summoned to the back of the room like 2 criminals, along with ALL of the belongings in our desk. Just for added humiliation, because that’s how Catholics’ roll. One would think that would be enough to stop the insanity in its tracks, but it actually made it worse. Looking pathetic is also hilarious. 

Philip was then incarcerated into the closet and I was exiled to the corner. To this day I laugh thinking about the snickers from behind the closed closet door.  The longer it went on, the harder the laughter. Somethings never change now do they?  

After our return to civilization we were separated. I’m glad we never had to explain what was so funny, lord knows “he was pointing with his shoe” sounds very lame after the fact.

In my unauthorized research, I have concluded that this sort of hysteria laughter generally occurs in unacceptable locations or at inappropriate times, which just seems to enhance the intensity.

Now, what I am about to share is 100% true and parental discretion is advised.

Both of our children started taking martial arts when they were 8 & 10 with some other children on the block. Apparently not ALL the children.

Building self-esteem, 45 minute classes held 3 times a week that we didn’t have to stay and be bored watch, it was a parental dream come true.  Judge away, it was the best $99 we ever spent…a win win if you will. 

So what do young parents do when the house is empty? They get it on of course, without having to muffle the sounds of their pleasure. Bring on the sexual circus we have 45 minutes to get this done! 

Let me set the scene for you..the season is Summer, the windows are open and we live in a row home. Scary combination for many reasons, but especially for what is about to happen.

Just as things got started under the Big Top there was a knock at the door. In moments like this, the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing becomes crystal clear.

Me: It must be the police letting us know something happened to one of the kids. Him: Acute deafness sets in. Perhaps if I was with someone from my own planet, things would have turned out very differently. 

Me: Are you going to see who that is? Him: What?  The knocking continues and my eyes are like saucers as the hubby peeks to see who dares to interrupt his good time.

Him: It’s Jeff (a kid) returning that movie. Now, where were we…The knocking was endless. This kid was determined to return the dam movie!

Me: Let me answer the door. Him: No, just focus come on he’ll leave. Me: Focus? The giggles start. 

Kid: Zaaaaaac’s Moooooom are you in there? Me: Lost it! Laughing out loud. Busting a gut is an understatement. 

Him: Very close to a pivotal moment. Me: Busted out in full-fledged laughter. Kid: Zac’s mom I know you’re in there I can hear you laughing. Laying there like a porpoise, laughing like a hyena…looking as unsexy as one could possibly look at any given time. 

Him: Jumps up to look out the window while mumbling something about how he can’t wait to ruin the kid’s sex life one day. The visual will be forever etched in my mind.

Me: Complete hysteria, there is no coming back. Him: Sweating and pleading..Please just stay with me…focus. Ok, am I in a bed or clinging to a life raft in the middle of ocean?

Me: Laughing so hard I can’t even form words, let alone FOCUS.

Kid: Zaaaaaaaaaac’s mooooooooom …….I can still hear you laughing. I may have died and come back at this point..I remember a light.

Him: Mission accomplished. Me: Still laughing from under the pillow that somehow found its way over my face. Suddenly felt the need for a cigarette and I don’t smoke.

So, what’s the moral of this wonderful piece of literature you ask? Life is full of unexpected opportunities, challenges and change. How you respond is the key to your happiness. So..keep it light, keep it happy and just … Enjoy the Ride! 

30 responses

  1. Howling…tears…say no more!

  2. Omg! Gonna pee my pants because I can clearly picture this whole scenario knowing the two of you!!!!! Side note, are you sure our husbands are not brothers? I thought only mine was the only man who would be able to “accomplish the mission” in a situation like that! Too friggin funny!

    1. Thanks Jennifer! When I read your post about “counting sheep” I was laughing for this reason.

  3. That picture with the beer and pillows is awesome!

  4. Laughing hysterically! When our daughter moved back in with us, we would put a potted plant on the bench outside the front door when my husband and I were in “deep conversation.” My daughter knew that was the signal for her to drive around the neighborhood for a little while.
    As for the school incident, I can still picture our two boys who used to go into hysterics just looking at each other, and any attempt to get them to stop just made the situation worse. I can so relate to your post! Very, very funny and well written.

    1. Glad you enjoyed it! I am laughing at the potted plant…brilliant.

  5. free penny press | Reply

    I’m a laughter too.. Have been known to feel that roll of giggles coming on and not a damn thing I can do to stop them even if I’m in a business meeting..
    Yes indeed, laughing is a MUST!!
    Have a laugh-filled weekend!

    1. That know of laughter is the best…everything just goes away.

  6. Jeff is probably catholic!

    1. His persistence was more of a Jehovah Witness status. He is actually a father now at 19….please, maybe we should have been knocking on his door!

  7. Good God! Hysterical! Good laugh with my coffee!

  8. Michelle Gillies | Reply

    I love that the kid calls you, “Zac’s Mom”. Hysterical piece. Most guys really don’t appreciate a girl laughing when they are “doing it”. It’s sweet (and apparently necessary) that this doesn’t bother your fella. 😉

    1. I also loved my title of “Zac’s mom” for some reason his friends started that and it stuck.

  9. Love the photo, always a good day when life hands us something this funny to laugh at…

  10. I see nothing wrong with persistence, and laughter in this situation. The show must go on, right?

  11. Thanks. Needed a good laugh this morning!

  12. literally… enjoy the RIDE… thanks for the smile! DAF

  13. Hilarious! I’d laugh out aloud, but somehow I’m now to scared too…

  14. It’s nice you can laugh at a time like that, I would be mortified & totally unable to function for the rest of the day! I can appreciate the humor of the situation now.

  15. cheraghearzuumfinleyz | Reply

    Reblogged this on Cheraghearzu Finley Post.

  16. Was it a coincidence that he was also named Philip like me? Too funny!

  17. Is that an actual picture from that actual day? Wonder who Philip is pointing his shoe at these days? Funny!

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