Grandmas Gone Wild

As I sat in the waiting room of the doctor with my mother, a conversation developed over a new photograph hanging on the wall. It was the doctor’s two beautiful daughters, who just happen to be part of the Olympic Field Hockey Team.

We were all expressing how happy we were for these young women and of course, how proud the doctor must be of their accomplishments. Personally, I was wondering…how the heck do you get not one, but two of these kids?  

I was laughing to myself thinking about the sport careers of my kids, which was pretty much null & void. My son was 5 years old when his T-ball career began, but his heart was never really into it after the first practice when he ran over to me with his little angry face and boldly stated …”I don’t like it mom, that guy thinks he’s the boss of every body!” Um, the coach? Olympics were pretty much out of the picture at that point.

Not only are these young ladies exceptional athletes, they both attend Princeton University, they are beautiful and hold on to your seats…they are nice. Hmm…I started to notice a change in the room..something was brewing.

The room got quiet, the twitching started and the conversation took a 360 as the Brag Books started to surface. Oh, it was a full-blown episode of….Grandma’s Gone Wild!

Almost in unison they were thinking…Ok, enough about these golden children, let me tell you about little Bobby & sweet Susie. Suddenly the gloves were off and these little grey haired women were foaming at the mouth as they waited for the bragging to begin. Bring it on ladies, bring it on!

Across the room one woman laid out her granddaughter ‘s entire softball career, including her devastating loss at State Champs this Summer. Apparently loosing at State Champs is much different from just regular ole loosing, especially when your grandma is telling the story. 

Then *BAM* in the left corner we have a West Point Cadet, who didn’t even require an interview. Why? Because he was just that wonderful. Over in the right hand corner we now have a 17-year-old freshman at the University of Chicago and we end the show with a grandson who plays that game “where you kick the ball.” You better believe he was the best ball kicker anyone has ever seen.

Clearly competitiveness has no age limits, not in this waiting room any way. Feeble grandmothers suddenly have blood thirsty fangs as they try to out trump one another for the best grandchild on the planet award right before our eyes.

It was getting very heated, especially after the West Point cadet, that certainly seemed to raise some eyebrows. I decided to take inventory…ok, 2 canes and a walker…hmm this could get ugly!

The winner was clearly chemo grandma who slammed everyone down. Not only is she the mother of genius children, they both married genius spouses who just also happen to have genius parents. The kind of parents that helped design the Atom Bomb. I know that card couldn’t wait to jump out of the deck. 

So what happens when genius sperm meet genius eggs? They spawn super geniuses who are at the top of their classes at the best universities in the world. Of course they could be on magazine covers with their stunning looks, but their brains are much too large to waste on such nonsense, they chose to save the world instead. You could hear a pin drop as she continued to take down the opposition. POW… WOW… SHABAM!

Just as the nurse came out to retrieve this Super G-Mom she slowly got out of the chair. Faced the room and let us all know they also have a grandmother who kicked cancers’ ass … TWICE! Dam! She certainly knew how to close a show.

My mom just looked at me and said “when you really have the best, you don’t have to say a word.” Slam dunk!  As if I didn’t already know…Enjoy the Ride! 

29 responses

  1. That is a fantastic story ! Love the cadence of your writing.

  2. LOVE your mom! lol xoxoM

  3. Is your mom interested in adopting me? I mean, we’re the same person, so what would be the risk?

    1. Oh, please you’re in on political view alone. You might even bump some of us!

  4. Cute!!!! I remember when I did a 500 mile bike ride across Texas over the course of a week and my aunt told people that I was riding 500 miles a day!! Relatives rule…especially your modest mom. Thanks for another giggle. I missed you!!

    1. Thanks News! My dog has been sick which was consuming my time, but he is getting better.

      1. Oh no!!! That is so scary. Is your pup OK now? I hate it when my sweet pup doesn’t feel well. You feel so helpless.

      2. He is getting better day by day. You really do feel helpless.

      3. Glad to hear that. I am sending lots of good vibes your way for a speedy recovery and a cold wet nose demanding cuddles and hot dogs!!

  5. I would be feeling all smug here, but not long ago, a friend and I were discussing this syndrome (people getting competitive about grandchild bragging rights), when she flashed a picture of her new grandchild on her iPhone, and listed the various superior qualities of this particular cutie. The more she talked, the more antsy I got, even though I don’t have grandchildren. Oh no, no grandkids, but itching to butt in with a top-this story about my son as a baby. (He’s 22). I ‘fessed up and we laughed about it, but I still wanted to tell the story. We’re walking neurological response zombies!

    1. Hahahahahahaha! I am crying..probably because I completely get that feeling…lol

  6. Great post! Thanks for the good laugh! You really can’t beat the Grandmas when they get going about their grandchildren!

    1. No you can’t…grandmas are like Ninja warriors when it comes to the grandkids.

  7. Haha! Love your mom! 😀
    My grandmother does this, not about the grandkids, about her kids. She gets pretty defensive and crazy about it too. It’s hilarious!

    1. Thank you! They are a special breed.

  8. Loved this post.. I’m a G-ma and so far have managed to keep my bragging to a dull roar, but I do feel it brewing as they grow up.. Oh heaven help me, I’ll be one of “them”..:-)

    1. You’ll be in good company Lynne!

  9. I think I just looked in the mirror! I’m not a Grandma or a Mother for that matter but, I am probably the most obnoxious Aunt and Grandaunt to walk the earth. My sisters have allowed me to share in their children which includes the bragging rights. Oh, and I have only kicked cancer’s butt once. 😉
    I like your Mom’s style. I could learn a lesson.

  10. Another reason I hate doctor’s waiting rooms. Along with the chance that you will catch the flu from someone, there are always the conversations!

    1. Oh, we can’t even discuss the germs..yuck. I’m getting a hazmat suit.

  11. Your mom rocked that battle 🙂

  12. Your mom is quite a woman! Good for her! Love your story.

  13. great story… actually grandmas are just a wrinkled version of high school girls… we love to compete and we each have the most precious, perfect grandchild… yes, I know I am ony 7 weeks into grandmahood, but it overtakes you immediately after looking into those sweet little faces.

    1. Hahahahaha! That is a perfect description…lol!

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