One Night Stand With Insanity

It was a cold, gloomy, rain ridden morning. Traffic was heavy, patience were light. The perfect recipe for delays of all sorts out there on the roadways. So what’s a good Christian woman to do? Oh please, not me, the one that came late to her appointment last Tuesday. 

Christian: For the full effect, please imagine Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to JFK, that was the voice. I’m so sorry I’m late. I left my house at 8:45. I can’t believe how long it took me to get here with the traffic.

“K”: That’s ok we understand. Mistake number one, justifying.

Christian:  I was in my car being Christian what the hell does that even mean? when I got out and saw a foreigner standing next to his broken down truck in the middle of the road like this she kindly demonstrated both hands in the air flipping the bird in the center of the waiting room. 

All of us:  Silent, but fully engaged. Mistake number two, showing interest in the train wreck.

Christian:  Really, if your going to come to this country learn the language, not just this again with the middle finger action. Ugh, I got back in my car and said a novena for everyone on my list, like a good Christian.

“K” at the desk: Politely nodding throughout this entire encounter. She is so good. 

“S”:  Walks away in disbelief.

Me: Turned around sarcastically mumbling “Jesus would be so proud.”

Hey, even the nicest of people have their limits. We’re all learning here…right?

“S”: Who comes in and says that to us? Does she hear herself? Um, nope.

Me: I’m so glad I’m not on that prayer list! 

“S”: Ugh, I can’t stand people like her.

Me: A novena? That was dramatic. You pray, but I super size pray. 

“S”: What is that voice?

Me: It’s the gooba gooba ga ga voice that I can’t stand.

FYI: Unless you actually are Marilyn Monroe or you have documentation stating that you are in fact a Sex Kitten, that voice is unacceptable in the regular world, especially when you’re spewing bigoted remarks.

This encounter stuck with “S ” and I for the rest of the week. We wondered if she saw herself making that statement, would she realize how horrible it sounded? We concluded she would not.

Honestly, I’m not sure if it was the approaching New Moon, the change in weather or a beacon outside our office door luring insanity to the imaginary welcome mat, but whatever it was, it needed to stop! A girl can only bite her tongue so many times a day. 

We were inundated with bizarre behavior all week. Miss Christian above was only one of the many encounters that left our eyes popping or heads shaking. When your begging for someone to storm through the door shouting “You’ve Been Punked” it’s bad. 

This behavior is nothing new to us. Our office is a magnet for people to vent their frustrations, reveal all their unrelated business or ask for unauthorized advice. Unlike Lucy we are not out soliciting, however we have considered charging…more than 5 cents of course.

The new week is already upon us, along with the New Moon. Should be interesting. I’m going in grateful that I work alongside people who don’t mind caring, listening and helping others with a side of laughter. It’s all in the attitude folks.

Are you ready for the work week? Let’s get this party started! We can do this!

Now get out there and don’t just embrace the insanity, french kiss it, feel it up, buy it a drink, have your way with it and hope to god it leaves before you have to make small talk.

Happy Monday Everyone …. Enjoy the Ride! 


20 responses

  1. Deliberately Delicious | Reply

    Love your ending! I’m all for the French kiss!


    1. Life With The Top Down | Reply

      Me too!


  2. Yeah well it helped me up until I thought about the “feel it up” part and I realized work week means coworkers and well…I have to stop now, I’m sick…:)


    1. Life With The Top Down | Reply

      Hahahaha! Just the insanity, not the co-workers.


  3. Next time make certain you have a foamy drink, when the crazies come in, place mouth in foam and sort of drool when they ask a question… hope your week is better. thinking of you all day long and hoping all is well with you. DAF


    1. Life With The Top Down | Reply

      Now there’s an idea! All good here DAF. It’s nice to know I’m in your thoughts…maybe that’s why it was such a good day : )


  4. You mean there was something wrong with her behavior?


    1. Life With The Top Down | Reply

      Dear lord Elyse I felt like I was at a Tea Party rally!


  5. “Unless you actually are Marilyn Monroe or you have documentation stating that you are in fact a Sex Kitten” Hahahaa!
    I don’t meet enough of these people. They sound hilarious!


    1. Life With The Top Down | Reply

      I was laughing at myself when that quote came to mind…it’s so true though.


  6. free penny press | Reply

    So I guess my desire to sound more like Marilyn instead of the country Demi-Moore which I do is a waste of time? I say you need to charge at least 15 cents 🙂
    Fun read and let us see what the week brings your way..keep us posted!!


    1. Life With The Top Down | Reply

      Yes, it is a complete waste of time…lol. Stick with Demi, she’s much more relatable to the real world.


  7. Michelle Gillies | Reply

    I think I’d like to come hang out in your office just for the entertainment factor. Of course it is always best when one can leave whenever they want.


  8. You definitely get accosted by the most interesting characters! This is going on my podcast list.


  9. Too funny! That gave me a good laugh out loud 🙂


  10. Very funny. I like ‘patience is light,’ a quaint way of putting it. Embracing insanity is a toughie for me yet if you can’t beat-em join-em comes to mind.

    The tone of people’s voices – hard to not take them personally which is why I recommend leaving your baguette at home. Just yesterday I wanted to beat someone because of the way they were speaking – like nails on a blackboard. Deep down I don’t think Jesus was a push-over. Of course he’d shut you up with a miracle or 2. I don’t know. Sorry I waited till Friday to visit. You made me laugh as usual.


    1. Hahahahaha! It is crazy that some voices can just set us off. I have always hated that whispery damsel in distress voice. You’re a woman…ROAR dammit!
      The baguette can never come to work, god knows I would be in jail.


      1. You’d make all the New York papers. Baguettes would sell out everywhere.


  11. I just narrated this, in my best sex kitten voice, and posted to my podcast,


    1. Hhahahahahaha..can’t wait to check it out!


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