Well folks, like the old Dion song goes here’s my story sad but true. No, no, no, it isn’t about that tramp run-around Sue, I could handle her. This unexpected encounter was much more devastating than some heartbreaker. Probably not true, but I’m building suspense.
We met Tuesday evening as I was trying to get everything done in order to settle in for the Presidential Debate. There were no formal introductions. Our eyes didn’t lock from across the room. It was more of a quickie, over before it even got started. Wham bam thank you ma’am if you will.
I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now…..Yep, that’s right genius followers, my toe slammed right into a chair leg without so much as a “hey, how you doin?” Did I see stars? I sure did, along with the rest of the solar system. The hubby is out-of-town and my son was in the shower, so I was alone with my pain and that slew of obscenities.
Immediately after settling down it seemed as if my sock suddenly had my foot in a choke hold. Never a good sign. I unveiled my foot and lo and behold, my 4th toe had been replaced by a cocktail weenie. As if feet aren’t unattractive enough….
Bottom line is that my 4th toe is broken, which led me to wonder about the 4th toe. According to the ole This Little Piggy Went To The Market lore , the 4th toe is the one that “had none.” The 4th toe’s claim to fame is being the sad sac of the this world renown story.
The story that is recited in households everyday to bring giggles to children and parents. As you know the story starts out with excitement as the first piggy going to the market and ends with the very dramatic wee wee wee journey home of the 5th toe.
But in between is the downward turn of this little piggy had none whomp whomp. As if that weren’t bad enough, now it will be spending the next 4 weeks taped to #3, the holder of all that roast beef. Life can certainly be cruel at times.
The reaction from my family regarding this tragic event is nothing short of classic.
Son: Wow! At least it’s not on your face like this 3rd eye I have on my forehead. Me: Yea, that’s true. Hey, did you register that thing to vote? Son: Mom! Me: It’s really not that bad. It had a pulse, I was lying.
Daughter: No pedicure for you. Me: Yes, they wouldn’t appreciate the cocktail weenie. Daughter: Hahaha, especially since they already think you have “feet like man.” You know what, they have small hands that give the illusion of man feet.
Then there was the husband’s reaction. Now, he was out-of-town, so when he called I told him about the encounter. He suggested I stay home and apply ice. So sweet. However, he must have forgotten that I work for a PODIATRIST. You know, the doctor that deals with my injury EVERY DAY.
Please refer to the visual of our text conversation following the diagnosis…enjoy.
Nothing like getting the cricket response after that comment. I’ll assume he fainted after my response and the maid found him the next day.
I’m happy to report my son’s zit has stopped pulsating and he will be able to resume life as a 17 year old boy, not a cyclops. My toe is now a lovely shade of plum, which is perfect for October, so it will be out and about enjoying the weekend.
It’s nice when things settle down enough to … Enjoy the Ride!