Canine Whipped

Lord Chester
Ruler of the Domain

Greetings fellow readers, I will be filling in for Life today to provide all of you with the trials and tribulations I was forced to endure during Hurricane Sandy.

I am Chester the Beagle over here at the Life With The Top Down residence, however I prefer more fitting titles such as Boss, Ruler of the Domain or Lord of the Land. At dinner time you can call me Pudding Pop, I’ll be there like lightning. 

Shortly after I took up residence, I made it very clear that I will not perform my daily duties like a common house pet in the yard. Yes, I’m too good for that.

If I choose to spend my afternoons basking in the sun, I certainly don’t want to be lounging next to a petrified turd that one of these humans failed to retrieve.

Up until yesterday everything was fine with my accommodations. My required morning, afternoon & evening journey to release yesterday’s consumption has never been interrupted. A record to be proud of, if I do say so myself.

SNORING like a chainsaw

In fact, over the years I’ve managed to train my caregivers to take me out in rain, snow & ice without so much as a whimper or light scratch at the door. Oh, you haven’t been whipped … till you’ve been Canine whipped. 

This all came to an erupt halt yesterday when someone named Sandy came town. I overheard the humans discussing that she wasn’t welcome.

The elder male and I decided not to give her the time of day by spending most of our time doing what we do best…..napping. I believe a record may have been broken. Apparently there is a fine line between the term “nap” and “going back to bed”, however I really don’t see a difference. Damn you Guinness!

Sweet Jesus it’s Chili!

Yesterday I was awakened from my lengthy slumber by something wonderful brewing in my favorite room…the kitchen. Sweet Mother of Mercy it was Chili! My prayers have been answered, my dreams were coming true.

As you might imagine, one of my duties around here is to guard the valuables, NOTE: If you come with a food source I enjoy, the keys are yours. A list of my favorites will be provided upon request, so I spent the next few hours keeping a close nose eye on that Chili. I’ll admit I was jonesing 2 minutes into my guard duties like a heroin addict looking for a score. For god sakes people I am still a dog!

Well, I guess by now you know what time it is…dinner. Oh my God the Momma (that’s what I call Life) has my dish. Oh my God she’s scooping out my food. Oh my God the Chili is next..it’s next…it’s next. What! No you didn’t girl..you better back away from that organic ground chicken and get your ass over to that Chili! 

At this moment I made an executive decision to eat what I was given quickly in order to beg my nap buddy for some Chili. Epic Fail! I heard the Momma saying “his ass will be on fire if you give him any of that Chile and he already has “a thing” about not pooping within a 10 mile radius of this house, without throwing in Sandy!” Obviously they have failed to recognize that although I have 4 legs, I also have 2 EARS.

Hello?

Who is this Sandy!?  Something is clearly wrong. On a normal evening once I have consumed my final meal of the day, I enjoy a walk to release the old while the new settles in…if you know what I mean. 

Last night seemed different as I headed out, something was out of sorts so I took a peek. Sandy? Um..is that you? 

I love to hear you beg. Do it again..come on.

The humans were whispering, but I wasn’t sure what all the hubbub was about. I was starting to get paranoid… I was still coming off my high from the chili fumes. 

The Momma was pleading for me to go back out there where all that noise was, but we all know that wasn’t happening. Refer back to who rules this house. 

My faithful servant a/k/a
Poop Picker Upper

Next thing I knew the coat was being put on. Ruh Roh they were bringing out the big guns, this can’t be good. 

I decided to go out front, since the loudmouth Sandy seemed to be out back. I wasn’t thrilled with this decision, so I hesitated. Next thing I knew the leash was brought out.

FYI: I don’t do leashes unless I’m with Momma, who still thinks I’m capable of running away. 

Why the hell would I ever run or skip for that matter? It took me 7 years to train these 2, I’m not starting over.

The winds were brutal, my coat was blowing up in the back, but I still managed to release 2 piles far away from my domain. Mission accomplished! 

The Gate! The Gate!

Today is a new day. Sandy is no longer outback…whew. I’ve been out there 4 times, all before noon doing what I do.

Now I am ready to enjoy those chicken cutlets I spotted earlier. What? I’m a Beagle we hunt. Yes, chicken cutlets are prey!

I hope that all my fellow four-legged friends fared the wrath of Sandy without much disruption to their daily routines.

Remember to pet a pet today and of course….Enjoy the Ride!

39 responses

  1. heh… “Puddin’ Pop”… I’m not the only one.

  2. Love this. After all the “bad” on the news this gave me a smile. Dear Brave Beagle and family glad you are safe….

    1. Thank you! If I watch TV another second I will be checking on my Life Insurance policy. It’s not good anywhere now, so a little light hearted humor might go a long way. Thanks for stopping by for a smile : )

  3. What a joy to read!! And I love “Puddin’ Pop”!

  4. free penny press | Reply

    I always swore I would never become one of “those” pet owners that has chit chats with her pet.. I am one of those and talk to Jack (aka Jackson when he’s acting bad) like a kid.. Lord help me..
    Much enjoyed this post!! Light-hearted when we all need a giggle!

    1. Hahaha! I just told my daughter that Chester wrote his first blog today. Her response: “Mom, please he didn’t write it stop…you know he didn’t write it don’t you” I’m still laughing at her seriousness…lol

      1. free penny press

        See, we both have gone over the edge of reason.. I caught myself one day calling the dog “son”..lol

      2. Hahaha….well, you haven’t claimed him on your taxes yet. Right? I will admit I’ve thought about it.

      3. free penny press

        Hmm, maybe he can replace the real son when he leaves home this year.. Too funny you are!
        Enjoy the eve’n!

      4. Enjoy yours as well friend : )

  5. I am really enjoying your blog! I’m glad you’ve found someone who can guest blog for you occasionally. 😉

    1. Thank you! Now if I can get him to do the wash, I’ll be really happy.

  6. Mickey also loves chili – with similar ass-burning effects ignored! Regards to Chester! xoxoM

  7. Love love love!! Pups are funny in storms like this aren’t they? Glad it is over and done and you can get back to “business”…;-)

  8. I think you have it pretty soft, Chester… the ‘Momma’ is probably a pretty big sucker and the ‘Napper’ is do doubt worse. Good Luck with the Cutlets…

  9. I was so happy to see in all the coverage about Sandy that there were so many shelters that were pet friendly. Even people being evacuated in canoes were bringing their beloved pets & no one was making any fuss about it at all. My kind of rescue efforts! Glad to see you survived with very little inconvenience to the master of the house (the beagle of course).

    1. A good friend of mine checked into a Marriott with her 2 dogs, due to flooding & loss of power. She sent me a picture of her Chloe, who was born without front legs, sleeping in one of the Queen beds. I told her she can rescue me any time.

  10. Chester is one funny and insightful pooch. Kudos to Chester for his blogging debut and surviving Sandy.

  11. Michelle Gillies | Reply

    Thank you Chester, for letting us know you and your well trained Loyal Subjects made it through Sandy’s visit with grace and charm. 😉

  12. Chester, I feel your pain…. I hate the rain and wind and my humans insist that we go for our “walkies”. Yes, they talk to me like I am a pup, not a 10 year old mature dog… Glad you survived that Sandy stuff, she visited me here in South Carolina, but they said it was like a summer rain here. I hate that wind stuff, but fortunately there weren’t any bright lights in the sky and that terrible roar that shakes the house. The humans call it thunder, I say it’s the devil… Have a good day, this is from Shugo, (lord and master of DAF)

    1. We really should just be ruling the world Shugo, honestly it would be a much better place…

  13. We should introduce Chester to my dog Winston. Remember when we first met, Winston was writing posts for me about his Cat and Dog secret agent adventures. I bet those two would have a lot to ‘talk’ about 🙂

  14. Dear Chester…I am so happy that you finally started writing. I knew instinctively you’d be a natural. I love the idea of you making executive decisions unbeknownst to your merry mistress. I think that is very wise. You can always swipe one of those cutlets when she’s not looking. You do need to practice looking innocent though when she asks you if you’ve seen it. Maybe you can whistle a little, to throw her off.

    As far Sandy goes, I so understand how you were thrown off your game. When your clenching was brought to my attention I realized I was clenching too. No wonder my size 4s are pulling across the front.

    As far as chili goes, I think the two of us better pass. Really enjoyed your essay Chester and I hope you’ll be subbing again soon.

    1. Why thank you so much for noticing my pure genius capabilities. I do in fact make daily decisions on my own, someone must keep this fort in place. Just this morning I noticed that Momma was sitting in the dining room, an unusual spot for her in the morning. Therefore, I decided to give the refrigerator a couple little swipes with my paw, you know just to see what would happen. Jackpot! It wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but a few extra kibble in the morning help me get back to business…sleeping.

      1. You know Chester, I see now who really wears the pants in the family even though you don’t often put them on.

  15. As a fellow canine whipped individual, I was really glad to see that you haven’t gone over to the dark side completely — by giving him some chili. Sandy would have nothing on your dog if you had!

  16. Glad to now that you and Lord Beagle are safe! Chicken cutlets are prey – laughing out loud here! A quick beagle story for you: friends noticed that their beagle came home one evening with a note attached to his collar: “Dear Mom and Dad, No need to feed me. I’ve already eaten the steaks off the neighbours’ Hibachi.” (No indication, though, of which neighbours!)

    1. That is so funny!! No doubt the beagle was think…”thanks you big tattletales!” There is always room for more in their minds. That is really classic

  17. You are very brave, Lord Chester. My dog refuses to step out after it rains. No wet paws for her. All “business” is put off until later.

  18. I hope the pooch at least got a little taste of the chilli!

    Fun and clever post! You’ve given me an idea for one on the typical day in the life of my cat Ella who lives in the 14th dimension, wherever that is.

    1. Thank you! Well Ella needs to fill us in just in case we need to relocate on November 7…the 14th dimension may be an alternative.

  19. Another fabulous post..I laughed at your daughter saying ‘stop it mum’ my two daughters say the same ! I got 2 Boxer dogs and I have fabulous ‘conversations’ with them..lol if I’m lucky they ‘reply’ ( this drives my 15 year old daughter crazy with embarrassment..”mum Jack /Alfie is not doing that voice you are!) my 20 year old though actually listens and joins in ! ..doggy madness runs in our family, the ‘boys’ have a post in ‘draft’ but I have been scared to put it out here in blogworld incase I get locked up..I m feeling braver now! lol..loved this post. Ceri x

    1. Hahahaha! There are more crazy dog people out there than you think…post the draft! I love the names Jack & Alfie, their story needs to be told.

  20. Well as both my kids don’t even know I blog ( secret blogger..embarressing mum syndrome) you are makeing me brave enough to introduce Jack and Alfie to the world..its Jack who talks a lot ! haha h was very proud his photo went into my fave things post…though Alfie pouted cause his ball was stuck in his mouth and hid his face and Jack pushed his way through for limelight in the pic!…oh dear us crazy doggy people should stick together ! 🙂 I will get Jack to tweak and edit and Alfie to ok his public image pics and I will post it soon ! Ceri x

    1. Oh, the less the kids know the better! I had a feeling Jack was a chatterbox. Alfie, just by name, reminds be of the quiet observer.

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