No One Wants a Dead Cat

Daily Prompt: This Is My LIfe

If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover.  

I’m going to keep this simple…the answer is NO. Oh, please don’t expect some deep complicated thought on life paths, you’re not going to get that from me. This is common sense. For those of you who think on that higher plain of thought, I’ll break it down and do my best to make it sound much more complicated than it already is so you’ll understand.

By nature Human Beings are curious, so of course our first instinct would be Hell yea I want to know what’s going to happen! Then we take a moment, pause and think Wait a minute, didn’t something happen to some cat who was curious? Indeed it did folks, indeed it did. If memory serves me correctly, he perished in his own curiosity.

No, this little tale is not meant to frighten you into delving into normal curiosity, just the big stuff. To help you along in your decision-making I took time out my busy day to create this Curiosity Chart. I’m a visual learner, so I find pictures to be very helpful in the learning process.

RED LEVEL OF CURIOSITY (Killed the Cat):  This is for those times when you find yourself on vacation with your friends at a secluded mountain house. Three of your 6 friends have already been murdered, you have no phone service or means to escape. After having sex with one of your  remaining friends, because that’s what scared to death grieving people do, you get up to investigate a strange noise coming from behind a closed-door. Suddenly you remember the cat that perished, but continue to open the door as to give that dead cat a big fat FU. Well, guess what? You deserve the slaughtering you get. This is CURIOSITY WITH A SIDE OF STUPID. 

ORANGE LEVEL OF CURIOSITY (Mamed the Cat): Enter with caution…literally. This is for those times when the thought may run through your mind that “Hey Bobby or Mary’s significant other is hot.” First of all there is a good reason why that thought was in fact RUNNING.  This is never a good idea unless you’re looking to lose everything in your life. Penises and testicles have been known to go missing. The result of this level of curiosity lasts a lifetime…think twice.

YELLOW LEVEL OF CURIOSITY: (Injured the Cat): This is usually harmless, but it has been known to require an extended healing process. It’s your birthday and there is a BIG present on the table calling your name. You can either ever so slightly remove  a corner, peek and be ________. Big packages of any kind have been known to disappoint. The recovery time on this is fairly quick, depending on the level of disappointment of course.

BLUE LEVEL OF CURIOSITY (Causes Purring): This is my favorite! I use it every single day. For me this could be noticing a cute pair of boots on a stranger and simply inquiring “OMG I love your boots! Where did you ever find those beauties?” See we’re all smiling. This is a win/win kind of curious that traditionally leaves all parties walking away Purring. Again, the level of Purring depends strictly on the situation..wink wink.

See how easy that was class. Now, don’t open that book unless you’re fully prepared to handle all of the above levels of curiosity. Do you really want to wake up one day with the full knowledge that you are about to indulge into a full-blowed Red Level day? As curious as I am, I would have to answer this with a big fat … NO.

Stop living your life for what’s around the corner and start enjoying the walk down the street. Grant L. Miller

Purr….. Enjoy the Ride!

20 responses

  1. I had no idea there were so many levels of curiosity. Thanks for the class.

    1. See that, we do learn something new every day.

      1. Whether we want to or not!

  2. Incredible post! Loved it. BTW, where are your new award thingys on the side of your blog? I was just curious… DAF

    1. Hahahaha! I had to take my mom food shopping and didn’t have time…I’m on it.

  3. Schrödinger’s cat.

    I’m too curious for my own damn good. But… I’m enjoying the ride… so there’s that.

    I’ll worry when I end up in a laboratory… with a large cardboard box.

  4. Ha! Love the red-level curiosity. And, no. Would not read that book. I’m not sure I’d even want to read just the past portion. I like the selective memory that evolution has given me.

    1. Selective memories are indeed a gift. Thanks for stopping by!

  5. I saw TwinDaddy’s version of this. Would I read the history part? Shit, I’m writing it in my blog. Would I read the future part? Shit — I know what’s gonna happen. I will die. Duh.

  6. Haha! Love it! Orange curiosity sounds even worse than Red curiosity. Sure the cat got slaughtered and died, but in orange he lost his testicles! Ouch! Poor kitty!

  7. I’m with you – don’t want to know. Happy enough to have a productive day with a few laughs. And that Grant Miller, whoever he is, certainly has the right idea. Cheers!

    1. Grant Miller is some guy who wrote the quote on my Honest Ice Tea cap…he rocks.

  8. Don’t spoil the ending for me. Goof post. BTG

  9. Sorry, I meant good post. Operator error.

  10. Reblogged this on cftc10.

  11. Haha, that’s fantastic! I enjoyed your curiosity scale… and of course, everything that involves life lessons learned from cats was custom-made for the internet 🙂

  12. I do not want to read the book! Thankfully, I am not that overly curious. I don’t want to know what’s going to happen tomorrow, I’ll find out tomorrow.

  13. Oh, if I had even an INKLING I would’ve wound up in Ohio, that would’ve been one dead cat. But hang on a minute. I’ve rescued a total of 8 cats while here in Ohio. So – if one look at a biggie kills a cat, that means I get at least six good looks before I have to worry about running out of cats, right? But then there’s the 5 under the shed, so that gets me another 5 looks, and there’s the three PITA cats running around, so there’s a total of 8 looks without tapping into my strategic cat reserve…..
    (See what you did to me? Give me a simple question, and I’ll turn it into differential computational table analysis! 😀 )

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