Murphy’s Law says, “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” Write about a time everything did — fiction encouraged here, too!
Seriously, I could only hope that this included an ounce of fiction!
The 24 year-old recently divorced me was minding her own business, when her sister decided to do a little match making. What cuold go wrong? Somehow my sister stirred up a conversation with this young man and for reasons unknown, she thought I would be interested and actually got his number. Oh, she’s good.
Since I had just wasted 8 good years of my life with my
asshole first love, I was certainly ready to welcome a breath of fresh air. Ugh, I made the call like a nervous school girl and he invited me over on a Sunday afternoon. Honestly, what could possibly go wrong on something as safe as a Sunday afternoon? He lived close by but, I decided to drive in the event I needed to make a quick escape.
Just as I pulled up to the address, I noticed a young Adonis sitting on the front step. This godlike holder of testosterone was just what the doctor ordered with his tan shirtless torso, slightly long hair and cut-off shorts. Sweet Jesus! Well done sister, well done indeed!
I approached the porch with thoughts of pouncing this guy right on the spot. He was sitting there with this amazing smile looking delicious. I started off with a very simple “Hi, I’m Lisa are you George?” The name has been changed because I can’t remember the real one after using Troll for so long. Suddenly, before my Adonis could utter a word, a door flies open and I hear “No, I’m George that’s my neighbor.” ***BOOM*** That was my fantasy imploding on the porch.
The Adonis and I said goodbye as I went inside with this George Costanza look-alike, a frown and a trickle of my positive attitude. Let’s begin with the fact that my feet were barely over the threshold before this guy was trying to lure me upstairs to see his watch collection. I didn’t want to see watches, unless of course his neighbor decided to sport a few!
We sat at the kitchen table were I endured listening about his job. As the conversation was going on, I started to put some puzzle pieces together and conclude that George was a BAG
BOY MAN at the Acme. One would think at this point you would be listening to the screeching of my tires….but no, I just had to stay for more of this show.
For the record, the people close to me have already voted me most likely be buckled into the backseat of a stranger’s car while stating “hey, did you know you have rope, duck tape and knives back here?” I tend to see the good in people…I can’t help myself, it‘s who I am…ugh. That being said, when George kept pushing for me to see this watch collection I caved and headed upstairs. Feel free to shake your heads, I just did.
Oh…My…God! Who knew “watch collection” actually meant Marijuana Paraphernalia Collection! It wasn’t until I stood in this man-boy bedroom of sorts that I had the thought of “ok, it’s time to hightail it out of freaking crazy town!”
He went to the bathroom and I ran like hell!
On my way out Adonis said “Later” as if I weren’t the first female he had seen jumping off of the weed wagon! I got in the car and locked the doors just as George came looking for me…in his freaking underwear! Oh, it was clear at this point that there had been a brain cell massacre from all the pot smoking.
Life can be hilarious some times so … Enjoy the Ride!