There comes a time in any relationship when you start to dread gift giving holidays. I know, I know but if I yearn for something, I go get myself something. The thought of leaving “hints”around the house for someone to notice is exhausting. Not to mention they would need to be the size of a billboard surrounded by bright flashing lights for anyone to “notice.” This holiday season I made the executive decision to start giving the gift of experiences to my immediate love one. Fun memories can go a long way.
This is not us, but it explains it all…heaven.
My first decision really didn’t take much time at all. We have both been talking about getting a massage for months, so I found a cool salon in the city Body Restoration that offers a couples massage and ta-da my experience was purchased. Hmm…did you ever get the feeling that talking about something and doing something might be completely different?
Well, our appointment was this past Sunday and I couldn’t wait to give some lovin to these sore muscles. All week I was providing my husband with a daily countdown to the big day, but he wasn’t really giving me the “OMG! I CAN’T WAIT EITHER!” vibe in return. So I finally had to ask “Are you excited about our massages?” Insert long pause along with several odd facial expressions. He was nervous because he wasn’t sure what to expect. What?! Really?! I’m happy to report all those fears left as soon as he hit the heated table. I heard him SNORING twice!
Speaking of heated tables … I was so relaxed that I barely noticed that my right nipple was practically engulfed in flames midway through my massage. You know you’re relaxed when your arm is too limp to shift your burning nipple as you tell yourself things like … “it’s cool you have another one.”
Incredible food and service.
We must have looked like two linguine noodles as we headed over to Rittenhouse Square for a much-needed bite to eat. The complimentary cucumber water and cashews only went so far.
It was our lucky day because we stumbled into a great little eatery called Rouge. I was immediately surprised at how crowded this place was at 2 o’clock on a Sunday afternoon. Apparently this is the time of day when the extremely wealthy eat their meals.
As we sat at the bar waiting for our table I immediately started to absorb my surroundings. For starters there was a beautiful young woman fawning over what I believed to be a fossil of some sort, but then realized it was talking and footing the bill. They were all over each other like teenagers, which was bizarre, but then again money has been known to provoke odd behavior.
Since I have what some may consider a super power of sorts … yes, you read that right. I have the ability to zero in on conversations 
all around me. Sort of like a human radar without the big bulky satellite dishes. This is how I learned that the fossil’s name was Jonathan and his young lady friend was Beverly. Apparently Jonathan let his penis take Beverly shopping for a Burberry cashmere wrap. How do I know? Let’s see…she never shut up about it while spinning around Jonathan like a belly dancer!
There was also a group of elders enjoying a lovely brunch at a table to my right. Just looking at them you knew they were frequent patrons. This wasn’t too hard to figure out since the entire wait staff hovered over them like a group of seagulls waiting for a fry to drop.
Just as they were getting ready to leave a very distinctive odor filled the room. Nothing bad, just odd. Then it hit me…it was the scent of old money. I’ve had the pleasure of getting a whiff of this before from one of our patients at work. There is a huge difference between the scent of the money that regular folks use and this old money. 
My money, when I even have the pleasure of having some in my wallet, usually goes undetected because it’s in and out in a flash. But this “old money”, it gives off the scent of mothballs, aged scotch and wool. I just imagine bundles of cash aging in the comforts of a luxurious safe, while without even breaking a sweat, multiplying at record speed. I suspect the eldest money in the safe provides daily lectures that begin with the line … “when I first came to the safe.”
All in all it was a wonderful day loaded with memories. The massages were incredible! The food, drinks & conversations ours and everyone else’s were entertaining and the company… just priceless. Well, not literally “priceless”, but definitely worth every new dollar.
Take time to make some memories with the ones you love, even if your nipple is on fire and your cash flow dwindles at the speed of light, just … Enjoy the Ride!
Life With The Top Down 
I was with you straight through this one from the gift giving, burning nipples to the old money. BTW old money has an accent too. I am amazed you were able to go to a restaurant afterward. Usually not only am I a limp noodle after a massage but my hair takes a snooze and clings to each other flat against my head as if superglue came along. This is much better than exchanging gifts.
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Oh….who the hell even knows what my hair looked liked, certainly not me. I’m telling you I didn’t really care I was so happy to be relaxed. I haven’t had a massage in 10 YEARS…overdue is an understatement.
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What a perfect day (burnt nipple and snoring husband aside)..As for the smell of old money – it’s only those who aren’t besotted with the smell of their new money who can catch the whiff of something far more appealing.
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Can you believe the snoring? For the love of god I can’t escape! Interesting thought on the money…I like it!
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It seems I have forgotten the smell of money. New or old. Sounds lie the perfect day and the whole nipple thing just made it more memorable.
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Indeed it did!
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It’s hard to believe something can feel so good you’re willing to let your nipple burn to keep experiencing it.
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Well I figured my breast feeding days are over and there is no chance of this nipple coming out of retirement, not to mention I do have that other one…so burn baby burn it was. I’m serious I could not move my arms!
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Haha. You’re cracking me up!
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LMAO at “it’s cool, you have another one.” Nice that you had an enjoyable day!
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When I told my husband that he could not stop laughing either…it just came out so mater of fact…hahaha!
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Oh dear, Lisa, you had me crying from laughing so hard. I instantly thought of one of my Aunts as I wiped away the last tear from my cheek (and read to Mr. Muse about your flaming nipple) and shared the post. I agree with you – gift-giving is HORRIBLE and stressful and I’d rather buy an “experience” than a “thing”.
I’m glad you enjoyed your massage!
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Hahahaha!
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sounds like you had a wonderful time… I am looking forward to a day to sit and relax and actually have a conversation with my wife that doesn’t include the words ‘homework, sports, game(s), practices, or event’ – have a great day and I am certainly enjoying the ride!
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Aww that is so sweet Clay…your wife is a lucky girl! I know exactly what you mean about those conversations.
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What a lovely and thoughtful day! Rouge is wonderful. Didn’t realize you lived here ! At least you have another nipple : )
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Rouge was amazing…yep I’m a Philly girl. Good things certain things come in 2’s.
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What do you think of Parc? They have a fantastic cheese plate but so noisy !
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Jeeves! Married to She Who Must Be Obeyed, right? My favorite butler. Just reading this sent a whiff of the good green stuff all the way out here to the west coast. Sounds like Jonathan sprung for the cashmere, but still made Beverly eat during elderly/early bird special hours.
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Hahahahaha! Early rid specials are the price you pay for cashmere.
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Burning nipples?
Now that’s a fate I wouldn’t wish on anyone!
Great post!
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That is hilarious and listening in is seriously a great talent. Maybe you should go into the private eye field! 🙂
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I’m glad you enjoyed your experience. I could never get my hubby to one of those places, he hates to urinate in a public washroom he is so shy about public nudity.
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BTW, when I lived in the bush in NW Ont. we were lucky enough to have a licensed masseuse move to town from South Africa to be with his fiance who was a teacher in our community. I was having so much trouble with my back I was able to talk him into giving me massages from time to time. He did them while I was laying in my bed. I would fall asleep towards the end & he would leave me sleeping. Heaven!
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Sounds like a great day filled with shared experiences, linguini, nipples, money and cashmere. You have the makings of a best seller right there.
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Haha! Gotta love that second nipple.
Love this post. You had me cracking up through the whole thing, Lisa!
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I call mine magic money – now you see it {whoosh} now you don’t 🙂
And massages are awesome! I try to get one to treat myself as often as I can.
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This one made me laugh out loud. What a great gift…thanks, Lisa! My darling daughter is always asking me what I want for [insert occasion here] and my answer is always: For you to be happy. That never satisfies her as she wants to be able to give me stuff. Not being good with hints or clues, this year I told her specifically what I wanted: Williams Sonoma hand lotion, Meyer Lemon for the kitchen to use after the thousand times a day I do dishes, and Lavender by my bedside for when I go to bed. She complied and every day, when I use either lotion, I feel enveloped in a fluffy embrace of love and luxury. That was easier, and much pleasurable, than I’d ever imagined. So glad you enjoyed the massage! xoxoM
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Just wanted to drop by and wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day!
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Why thank you Phil! My charger broke so I’ve been living in the 19th century…but I’m BACK!
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You know Top, I read this and didn’t comment. I keep checking to see if you’ve written anything…miss your humor.
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I’ve been crazy busy, but I’m trying!
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Hilarious free writing style! The word pictures had me chuckling, and I had to read twice what took that girl scarf shopping! 😂
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Thank you so much!
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