​I’ve Got The Power

 

phonecallengaged

Image via The Atlantic 

As if working with the public isn’t challenging enough on a daily basis, mix in the hostile climate of the world, a stretch of gloomy weather and an overbooked schedule. Such a joy.

 

I’m not sure what goes through the minds of some people before calling for a doctor’s appointment, but it’s evident to me after 20 plus years in this field, that plotting is involved. It should be a crime.

What happened to just picking up the phone and making the damn appointment? 1, 2 3

I’m not sure if our office number is written on a bathroom wall promising a good time, but that would at least explain why it rings off the hook.

On one particular day every time I answered whoever it was calling hung-up.

Ok, at first this was a welcomed break from listening to whining voices, but that quickly changed.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I heard a voice on the other end that left me speechless. Not an easy thing to do.

Me:  Good afternoon, Dr. Blank’s office how can I help you?

The Voice:  I’ve been calling and hanging up to get your attention. I need an appointment because my doctor, who I love dearly, is retiring. How long has this doctor been in practice? Does he know what he’s doing? My doctor was the chief of her department. I can’t believe she’ leaving me. He never came up for air, and I was paralyzed by the first sentence.

Me:  Gave him a salute with my middle finger and stopped listening. Thank goodness facetime is not available on landlines.

The Voice:  I’m having pain on the ball of my foot. I’m walking on rocks. It’s been going on for a year or so now, and I can’t take it anymore. Do you have anything tomorrow around 11:15? No, no you did not.

Me: No. Friday is the doctor’s surgery day. Our first available appointment is the week of July 23rd. Would you like to make an appointment? Please hang up; please hang up.

The Voice: JULY 23rd???!!!! I’m a cripple now. I need an appointment now. I can’t wait until July 23rd. No sir, you’ do not have a disability, you’re just an ass.

Me:  Well, sir, you’ve had this problem for over a year, but if it’s suddenly urgent, there may be other physicians in the area with more availability. Pleading in my head for him to take the bait.

The Voice:  I want to see this doctor. Why do I have to wait? Had to bite my tongue on this loaded question.

Me: The doctor is going on vacation which limits our schedule, and that is the first available for a new patient. Not that you deserve an explanation.

The Voice:  He’s taking a month of vacation? You, sir, are the equivalent to period cramps. 

Me: No, it’s a week. Do you want July 23rd or not? Feel free to add whatever expletives you feel appropriate. 

The Voice:  I guess. Is there a cancellation list? Finally, I can lower my finger and smile.

Me:  Oh, yes and patients do cancel so there is always a chance you’ll get a call. Bawhahahahahahahahahaha! NEVER EVER WILL YOU GET A CALL BECAUSE I HAVE THE POWER you complete and utter ASS. 

The Voice:  Oh great, let’s make the appointment. Hahahahahaha! 

Me: Name …

Avoid the POTHOLES and Enjoy the Ride! 

 

 

 

13 responses

  1. I so wish you worked here, since Manhattan’s medical community should be brought up on charges, How nice it would be to hear your sweet, friendly voice rather than 72 promps before you’re disconnected at least twice…sigh

    I’d send you a fruit basket after you gave me an appointment then bring lunch on the day.

    Would fresh turkey on whole wheat be okay Ms Top? Pie for dessert?

    Philly needs to appreciate that you actually answer the phone.

    Love the photo.

    1. I love the photo too!
      Our office is so nice, actually too nice at times. One of our patients just brought in a TOWER of pastry boxes to show his appreciation.

      1. Really? Can you Fedex a couple?

  2. This patient makes me sound like a saint. I don’t get the hanging up part. That would make me think he is crazy but I’m sure in his addled brain there is a good reason. (The one he gave was stupid.) You could write a book with all the folks you deal with. Some, like me, always think they are on the verge of death (but I’m still nice on the phone).

    1. I still don’t get the hanging up part or the admitting to it!!!!
      Hahaha! I’m always on the verge.

  3. Laughing so much! “I’m walking on rocks!” OMG, I think you should have had him come in just to throw a boulder at him. Then say, ” that’s walking on rocks!”

  4. Me too. Anything for an appointment from a real person. Imagine that.

  5. Amen! The prompts are enough to kill me. The insurance companies are all about the prompts. By the time you get a human, you forget why you called!

  6. Well, if he’s lived with it a year already another couple of weeks should be easy for him.

    1. One would think …. good to see you.

  7. Oh, POTHOLES, that’s a very good substitution. I will be using that…along with that salute you were giving him. 😉

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