Hold My Halo, I Got This

Many moons ago, I started this blog because of significant changes in my personal life.

My kids were growing into independent beings. My husband rolled up in a convertible wanting to re-light the flame we had when we were dating, leaving me wondering, “what the hell is happening?”

I often referred to my children moving on with their lives as being fired from the best job I’ve ever had, and I stand by that statement today. I quit a high-powered job where I worked endless hours for a big salary to raise my kids for endless hours, years, days, minutes, an eternity for FREE. Hey, wait a minute!

Regrets? Eh, not while I was in full swing of rearing young lives, but there were some questionable moments after I was abruptly let go. Not even a goodbye lunch?

No worries, I wasn’t unemployed for long as I jumped directly from the pot into the fire of caring for my mother for the next 14 years. Until this moment, I did not realize it had been 14 years. I need to let that settle for a second.

The changes following my mothers passing two years ago came so quickly that I barely had time to think. Is this how it feels when you’re shot out of a cannon? I’m going with, yes, yes, it is.

There is no question in my mind that this happened at the hands of a higher power. The Creator, Universe, God, or another term you want to use to describe something bigger than yourself.

I had been asking the Creator to help me grow, and I see now that it wouldn’t happen without being physically transported to another state. So, considering I’m writing this from a new home, in a new state, with a new job, new friends, and a new title, “grandmother,” all happening in the last 365 days says a lot. The Creator doesn’t play around.

As soon as this higher power got the memo that I would soon be a grandmother, there is no doubt that it was a “hold my halo, I got this” all hands on deck moment in the higher realm. No one knows you better than the Creator.

My anchor, also known as people-pleasing, needed to end fast, especially with a grandchild entering the mix. The ultimate pleasing opportunity for this girl.

It left me wondering if this was a test. I’m finally free of responsibilities that diverted my attention from myself forever, and this is when I’m presented with a grandchild? Come on!

For too long, I had been stagnant in my career, friend circle, living situation, and life with one common denominator preventing movement … me. I was getting something from all of these situations, but it wasn’t growth; it was comfort.

Fear of change wasn’t holding me back; I needed to please people. God forbid I disappointed someone other than myself, of course.

It’s essential to break free from what we have been trained to do our whole lives, so saying no and setting boundaries can sometimes be challenging for me, actually, a lot of the time.

There is a quote from my favorite poet, Maya Angelo, that I have truly embraced as a mantra for many avenues in my life, but especially when I fall off of the people-pleasing wagon, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” It’s like a big ole hug.

I’m inundated with statements like, “Are you upset you’re not near your granddaughter?” Are you going to move back?” “Awe, you’re never going to see her?” I remind myself that I am a 2-hour car ride away with a healthier mindset, living a happy, active life for myself.

I can’t think of a better gift for my granddaughter than this improved version of myself, who continues to grow as 59 peers in her window.

Enjoy the Ride!

8 responses

  1. Congrats grandma! That is a lot of change. I’ve made some big changes in my life in the past. Some worked and some didn’t but everything was a learning opportunity. Some were the “I ain’t doing that again” moment. Some were just “awww!” My grands are a 5 hour flight so a 2 hour drive is nothing. I always wished my stepkids lived within a 6 hour driving range but that’s not going to happen. Also, yesterday my grands were fertilized embryos and today they are 17 and driving (yikes!) so enjoy in the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! Wow, 17? Where did that time go? I remember you writing about them and they were so little.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Lisa, keep on keepin’ on. Maya Angelou’s quote is very telling and pertinent. Keith

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I remember when you first began blogging. I knew none of the particulars as you so eloquently just now shared, but at once saw the love of prose in your essays…laced with humor, I’ll add.

    Writing is such a gift, to be able to put one’s feelings onto a clean page. It’s something we both share. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! You know I have to laugh.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, that’s a lot of changes. It sounds like you are living your best life… halo or not 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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