Whew, yesterday was quite a day at the office. They missed out on some good footage if hidden cameras were not installed.

The phone rang, and the voice on the other end was soft, so soft that I wasn’t sure anyone was on the other end. Not a flag at first, but now I know better.

I retrieved the necessary facts to schedule the appointment, and this is where the fun started.

This person is no doubt what gives Monday a bad rap. Monday is out there just doing their thing, and someone or something like this happens on a Monday, and suddenly it’s Monday’s fault. No doubt this person is out giving grey hairs every day of the week.

The first standard question from all doctor’s offices across the land is “do you have health insurance? or “what is your insurance plan? This is common knowledge unless you’re from another planet.

Me: Do you have health insurance?

Nemesis: Yes

Me: Which plan is it?

Nemesis: I don’t know.

Me: Do you have the card handy?

Nemesis: Screams to the husband, who screams back “medicare” that she doesn’t hear, so she screams again. Oh lord.

Me: Already dreading asking for any type of number or, dare I say, secondary insurance. I had to do both while eyeing the scissors in front of me. Oh, the thoughts I was having during the eternity this took.

I survived retrieving the name without incident. However, the birth date did not go as well.

Me: Date of birth?

Nemesis: 9/14/56, no 8/14/56, wait no, 8/15/57. This was followed by one of us laughing, and it wasn’t me.

Me: Slowly picking up scissors. I knew I might need them to get through the email address.

Even though I was having murderous thoughts, I gave the benefit of the doubt that maybe, just maybe, she had a medical condition causing all this confusion. So, I asked the million-dollar question, “do you take any medications?”

Nemesis: No, none.

Me: Ok, back to business. What is your email address? Refer back to the date of the birth question because it was a repeat performance.

Nemesis: Nonsense, complete nonsense.

Me: Scissors in hand. Ok, I’m going to email you an invitation to join our portal. Once you complete the new patient paperwork, I will contact you to set up your appointment.

Nemesis: What’s the name f the doctor again?

Me: Dr. Dodged A Bullet.

Nemesis: Oh, I wanted Dr. First Choice.

Me: I told you she wasn’t taking new patients at this time.

Nemesis: Nevermind, then I wanted to see Dr. First Choice.

Me: Am I clear that you don’t want to make an appointment at all?

Nemesis: Yes, I really wanted the other one.

Me: Under my breath, hopefully, “are you f@%$ing kidding me?” Ok, then, will that be all?

Nemesis: I guess.

Me: So, are we clear that you’re aware you do not have an appointment with anyone in our practice?

Nemesis: Yeah

Me: Ok, have a nice day. CLICK, CLICK, CLICK! It’s times like this when a phone with a handheld receiver comes in handy.

Enjoy the Ride, with patience riding shotgun!