Category Archives: Emotional Toxins

Emotional Fart

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DONE

Just when I thought everything was going smooth the universe made the executive decision to throw a wrench into my peace. Does everyone agree that Lisa appears to be content? Good, bring in the wrench, please. On second thought, make it a double.

It’s been 6 months since I was blindsided, and the universe has been somewhat kind, but recently it has decided to shake things up a bit. As if watching the News wasn’t enough. 

My son decided to move out of his apartment and back HOME. The problem with this big fat wrench is he didn’t come alone. He brought his endless appetite, wash, sneakers the size of Pennsylvania and a school project that entails constructing something that has now taken over my entire house. Remember the movie The Blob? It’s like that over here.

My nature is very easy peasy. Little things like gigantic sneakers and piles of wash have never bothered me before, well, maybe not never. But, certainly not at the level of wanting to set the house on fire to make them go away. This is the result of holding in an emotional fart.

Clearly, there are some underlining things going on with me to stir up this level of emotion, and now you lucky readers who were drawn in my clever title get to read about it. Sorry, not sorry. 

Although my life keeps moving forward one snail slide at a time, and the memories start to fade, they don’t leave, they linger. Like the crowd you see at Starbucks sucking up the free wi-fi ALL DAY.

The problems I’m facing now are the reminders. Not the “don’t forget we need milk” kind, the “my therapist would like you to come in next week” kind. It is the equivalent of being shot out of a cannon right back to October 12th. Why can’t I take a cannonball ride back to 1974 when I was free of concerns, other than the daunting decision to ride my bike or play jump rope?

In some ways, it’s good to go so I can get a feel as to what’s going on inside my man’s head. In other ways, it drains me for days. Literally paralyzing me from doing what I enjoy. I don’t read, write or go to the gym. I find myself stuck in a cloud of never ending thoughts. In my head, it’s like trying to figure out a math equation that has multiple answers. I HATE MATH!

Of course, I know it’s all part of the process, and that the process is the best thing for everyone and that it’s working, but for god sakes, it’s a lot to deal with when you’re just trying to deal period. Hence the thought that FIRE would be the way to go with ridding my house of clutter.

At this point in my life, I think it’s safe to say that the universe shops at Sears and there is just an obvious endless sale on Craftsman wrench sets, so I need to take responsibility, tighten my helmet, fasten my seatbelt and just … Enjoy the Ride! One long speed bump at a time. 

 

Breath of Fresh Air

983687_10151944185943508_1118236942_nWell, well, well, I bet you didn’t know I’ve been on vacation all week. Oh wait, correction, my boss has been on vacation all week and the office is closed, so I’ve been home. Not quite the same, but still not at work.

I must say in all my years I have never been so excited about not going to work for a week. This is not a good thing for me. 

Our office has always been a pleasant, humorous environment, one that I actually enjoyed going to every day. Now, well, not so much. The climate has changed and something tells me global warming can’t be blamed for this one. Unpredictable, unstable & unhappy.

These changes have a huge effect on me, especially my wellbeing. You see, I am what is considered a highly sensitive person. No, not someone who walks around crying on a whim, but one that becomes physically responsive to their surrounding. All this negative bull shit has been taking a toll on my mind & body.

Toxic energy has a way of sucking the good right out of us…not to mention it’s highly contagious. I’ve been sluggish, over weight, unmotivated and unhappy for well over a year now and too think it actually took being home for a week for me c45a70964e8c0e0762b9cee7a5f5fd92to see this clearly, is both remarkable and a tad bit sad. It’s amazing what breathing a little fresh air can do … umm hmm.

My week has been spent being me. No keeping my P’s & Q’s in check! No walking on egg shells! No hiding my true self! Whoot! 

Oh sure I could have sat around catching up on my reading while relaxing on my deck, but a big fat heat wave axed that idea real quick. Philadelphia went from OMG on Monday to WTF  by Friday, which didn’t leave much room for R&R outdoors. Soggy & Sweaty where the only things happening outside! 

Things really do happen for a reason though, this heat wave kept me grounded. It provided me with a week that was nothing short of refreshing and rejuvenating to my body, mind and soul. The week kicked off by visiting some family that we haven’t seen in way too long, which really got my rejuvenation juices flowing. After that burst of goodness, I just poured myself into my home, family and myself all week. Slaying toxins one negative vibe at a time with my loving self.

3a11655590da9bb3f421a4fb2c70def0My house is clean, organized, covered in love…and Lysol. My daughter had a healthy lunch waiting for her every day when she came home from job number one, so she could go off to job number two nourished with food and a big ole dash of momma love. My son, who was working outside all week in the fires of hell, welcomed his frozen water bottles and dinner on the table every night and my hubby, well, his statement summed it up “Hon, I think you should quit your job.” I knocked the pearls right off of June freaking Cleaver yo! 

The vacation or good ole days are coming to a close and it’s back to reality tomorrow, but not before a BBQ with my hubby’s siblings to welcome his sister who is visiting us from Maine.  So far it’s been great catching up with all that is new in our lives, reminiscing on the younger years and talking about the future. Live…Laugh…Love. 

So as I head back to the salt mines office tomorrow, I will be bringing something very special with me … myself. Let’s hope she makes it through the day! 

Go get your happy on and Enjoy the Ride! 

Stay Awake

tumblr_mctl04mveM1rabieto1_400People never cease to amaze me! Just when I thought it was safe to be line at the grocery store, something changed. Little did I know that someone, most likely the Fox network, must be dispensing portable soap boxes to their loyal listeners. This is what I’m going with since I have no other answer.

Hey, I am a huge fan of Free Speech, but for the love of God I can not tolerate when it is abused. Why on earth would a complete stranger feel that a hateful political rant would be a good way to strike up a conversation with ME of all people on this planet? guess the days of “hey baby what’s your sign?” are long gone. 

There I was minding my own business in the check-out line, reading the headlines on all the rag magazines, catching up on all the Kardashian bull shit news, when out of nowhere this person decided to egg me on while he ranted over everything under the sun. Maybe my peace sign bracelet set him off…who knows.

Well, that’s all I can say is THANK GOODNESS I’ve been graced with the gift of having my face come8a83b3cdb5d142b58ffcf58f0c7d9487 up with a quick response long before my mouth has a chance. Sometimes this can be a curse, but not this time. 

I have no idea what my face said, but I can only imagine it was something like “WOW!” or “Shut up you bigoted ass!” or perhaps both since I was then referred to as “one of them” shortly after my face had spoken.

There really were no words to respond, well I did think of two, but I wasn’t going that low. One would think that having a 5′ 9″ cricket as his only audience member would make him stop.

34f61adfcaba647773cb17bf7c5b7071Oh, this guy had all the answers. He was explaining everything that should be getting done “down there in Washington” and everything that would be getting done if “all the idiots” didn’t come out to vote. Can you feel my pain?

At this point I began chanting the ole “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” lecture in my head for sanity purposes. I’ll be honest, after the 3rd time there were F-bombs tossed in to keep me out of jail.

I stood in silence wondering what would happen if this guy spent a quarter of his energy actually contributing to something good instead of spreading his relentless mouth farts all over the place. Hmm, maybe … just maybe, it would loosen that padlock on his mind. 

Since that didn’t seem to be happening any time soon, I continued to silently ingest his gases while loading my groceries at the speed of light. As if food shopping wasn’t enough to suck the life out of me…seriously. 

“All of us wish at times that we lived in a more tranquil world, but we don’t. And if our times are difficult and perplexing, so are they challenging and filled with opportunity.” Robert Kennedy

As you can imagine this left me with a huge social hangover by the time I got home. You know that wonderful feeling you get when you’re around exhausting people for a long period of time. It was going to take something much stronger than CALGON to take me away from this one!

I decided that the toxic remnants of this encounter had to leave before they did any more damage so I went out on my deck, flopped onto my swing and turned on some tunes. I was swinging in the silence when out of nowhere BAM! Teddy Pendergast saved the day. Thank you higher power, thank you very much!

I’m glad I didn’t waste my words on someone who didn’t deserve to hear my voice. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all. Stay awake and Enjoy the Ride! 

List? There’s a LIST?

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Oh…yes…it…is!

I’m seeking some assistance from my brilliant readers. You are all so wise that I’m confident one, if not more, hold the answer to my inquiry.

Is there a time limit, expiration date, deadline or cutoff for receiving calls from your ex-husband’s debt collectors? Seriously!

Last evening I was sitting all comfy cozy reading some of your inspiring literature, when I was interrupted by a phone call that took me completely by surprise. I’m not a fan of surprises.

This is what went down:

Me: Hello?

DC a/k/a Debt Collector:  Can I speak with Mr. Dumb Ass? This is so much more appropriate that the real identity of the ex and frankly it’s MUCH nicer than what I really want to say.

Me: Um, there is no one here by that name. Stunned!

DC: *Insert really nasty tone* Well, do you know where I can find him? Oh, no you didn’t!

Me:  Well, as far as I know he is living in his mommy & daddy’s basement with his third victim wife and one of his spawned seeds. This is a true fact.

DC: Oh, um well you are on THE LIST of contacts so, um eh that’s why I’m calling. List?

Me: *Insert complete freaking crazy*  List? There is a list? Guess what mister … there needs to be a LIST of people to contact before you start handing out money to Mr. Dumb Ass. Put me on the top of THAT freaking list! Look, I’ve been divorced from Mr. Dumb Ass for 25 …Y E A R S and all I can tell you is some things never change! Snap!

DC: *Insert a bunch of stuttering nonsense* I’ll take you off the list.

Me: *Insert ALL of the pent-up emotions I have been dealing with this month* Yes, yes you will be taking me of that list because I should have been taken OFF that LIST once the divorce was final TWENTY-FIVE freaking years ago! Who do you think you are calling MY house with a tone as if I’m in control of this Dumb Ass? You really have a nerve calling anyone with a tone sir…you need to save that tone for the stupid people who gave another stupid person any form of credit. Oh, and just so you know, I can guarantee you that Mr. Dumb Ass most likely owes everyone on your precious LIST money as well, so tell your company to get in FREAKING LINE!  Hello?

DC: Silence……ok, have a good evening…click.

Hey, what up March?

Hey, what up March?

I was so out of control, but I’m not surprised after being on a roller coaster ride of emotions this month. It was just a matter of time before someone reaped the unfortunate benefits. The 28 days of February have been chock-full of ups & downs, so I would say this was certainly an appropriate farewell. Tootles February … it’s been real. 

Once the dust settled I heard a faint, somewhat frightened voice coming from down stairs asking “Are you alright?” At this point there was nothing left to do but laugh so hard I couldn’t even answer. This was no doubt the remainder of emotions detoxing from my body. There is no better feeling than releasing emotional toxins from your body!

I am officially entering March like a Lamb. Now, that’s all I need is a foot massage, four donuts and an orgasm (not necessarily in that order) to really…Enjoy the Ride! 

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