Greetings fellow readers, I will be filling in for Life today to provide all of you with the trials and tribulations I was forced to endure during Hurricane Sandy.
I am Chester the Beagle over here at the Life With The Top Down residence, however I prefer more fitting titles such as Boss, Ruler of the Domain or Lord of the Land. At dinner time you can call me Pudding Pop, I’ll be there like lightning.
Shortly after I took up residence, I made it very clear that I will not perform my daily duties like a common house pet in the yard. Yes, I’m too good for that.
If I choose to spend my afternoons basking in the sun, I certainly don’t want to be lounging next to a petrified turd that one of these humans failed to retrieve.
Up until yesterday everything was fine with my accommodations. My required morning, afternoon & evening journey to release yesterday’s consumption has never been interrupted. A record to be proud of, if I do say so myself.
In fact, over the years I’ve managed to train my caregivers to take me out in rain, snow & ice without so much as a whimper or light scratch at the door. Oh, you haven’t been whipped … till you’ve been Canine whipped.
This all came to an erupt halt yesterday when someone named Sandy came town. I overheard the humans discussing that she wasn’t welcome.
The elder male and I decided not to give her the time of day by spending most of our time doing what we do best…..napping. I believe a record may have been broken. Apparently there is a fine line between the term “nap” and “going back to bed”, however I really don’t see a difference. Damn you Guinness!
Yesterday I was awakened from my lengthy slumber by something wonderful brewing in my favorite room…the kitchen. Sweet Mother of Mercy it was Chili! My prayers have been answered, my dreams were coming true.
As you might imagine, one of my duties around here is to guard the valuables, NOTE: If you come with a food source I enjoy, the keys are yours. A list of my favorites will be provided upon request, so I spent the next few hours keeping a close
nose eye on that Chili. I’ll admit I was jonesing 2 minutes into my guard duties like a heroin addict looking for a score. For god sakes people I am still a dog!
Well, I guess by now you know what time it is…dinner. Oh my God the Momma (that’s what I call Life) has my dish. Oh my God she’s scooping out my food. Oh my God the Chili is next..it’s next…it’s next. What! No you didn’t girl..you better back away from that organic ground chicken and get your ass over to that Chili!
At this moment I made an executive decision to eat what I was given quickly in order to beg my nap buddy for some Chili. Epic Fail! I heard the Momma saying “his ass will be on fire if you give him any of that Chile and he already has “a thing” about not pooping within a 10 mile radius of this house, without throwing in Sandy!” Obviously they have failed to recognize that although I have 4 legs, I also have 2 EARS.
Who is this Sandy!? Something is clearly wrong. On a normal evening once I have consumed my final meal of the day, I enjoy a walk to release the old while the new settles in…if you know what I mean.
Last night seemed different as I headed out, something was out of sorts so I took a peek. Sandy? Um..is that you?
The humans were whispering, but I wasn’t sure what all the hubbub was about. I was starting to get paranoid… I was still coming off my high from the chili fumes.
The Momma was pleading for me to go back out there where all that noise was, but we all know that wasn’t happening. Refer back to who rules this house.
Next thing I knew the coat was being put on. Ruh Roh they were bringing out the big guns, this can’t be good.
I decided to go out front, since the loudmouth Sandy seemed to be out back. I wasn’t thrilled with this decision, so I hesitated. Next thing I knew the leash was brought out.
FYI: I don’t do leashes unless I’m with Momma, who still thinks I’m capable of running away.
Why the hell would I ever run or skip for that matter? It took me 7 years to train these 2, I’m not starting over.
The winds were brutal, my coat was blowing up in the back, but I still managed to release 2 piles far away from my domain. Mission accomplished!
Today is a new day. Sandy is no longer outback…whew. I’ve been out there 4 times, all before noon doing what I do.
Now I am ready to enjoy those chicken cutlets I spotted earlier. What? I’m a Beagle we hunt. Yes, chicken cutlets are prey!
I hope that all my fellow four-legged friends fared the wrath of Sandy without much disruption to their daily routines.
Remember to pet a pet today and of course….Enjoy the Ride!
In case you haven’t heard the East Coast is about to get slammed by Hurricane Sandy. As if that isn’t scary enough, some genius (please insert sarcasm) came up with the term Frankenstorm. Why? Sandy isn’t “that kind of girl.” Please we’re ALL “that kind of girl” at one point or another.
24/7 coverage since FRIDAY….FRIDAY…is really wearing thin, but I guess it’s necessary since apparently there hasn’t been
anything else going on here in Philadelphia. Apparently Sandy is so BadAss she scared everything away.
Not a single crime, fire or accident has been reported. Looks like it’s all butterflies, unicorns and fairies in the city of love. Now that’s really scary!
I felt a little better when I went to the supermarket, where I ran into an entitled
bitch woman at the deli counter. SHE was #17, even though we were on #23 when she made her grand entrance. Her late arrival meant nothing in her mind. Poor # 24 tried so hard to put up a fight, but eventually gave in and we all secretly hoped the deli kid would add a little something something to her tuna with cranberry. Never treat your food handler like crap…ever.
Yes, I went to the store! I wasn’t one of them I really needed food and someone had to get the damn milk, eggs & bread. Jeez, making French Toast is a tradition during catastrophic events. I think the theory is it weighs you down like an anchor so you stay put. Well, that’s my theory anyway.
Now my son has been holding vigil since he got home from school on FRIDAY in preparation for a day off. Hmm, he really seems to have a thing for Sandy.
According to the imaginary Senior rulebook, you no longer have to make-up days like the other pion students, you simply graduate.
In his words “Mom, really, think about it, are they gonna make us come back in the Summer?…Come on they already rented the graduation place.” You’ll all be happy to know his prayers have been answered! All Public and Parochial Schools will be CLOSED. It really is good to be young!
Now, lets hope that the rest of our prayers are answered, Sandy remains a goody two shoes and we can all enjoy an unexpected day off to eat all the food and drink all the
wine water we purchased. If not, please take a look below…
Please scroll down for some helpful hints to survive…FRANKENSTORM!
No need to fret over a missed day at the gym..no siree, not when the 24-minute Frantenstorm workout is right at your fingertips.
Remember, you will be alone for days with bags of Halloween candy….just sayin.
Stressed and jacked-up on chocolate that my friends is a dangerous combination. Hold on I have just the trick…
Helpful Hint: For those of us in the direct line of this storm I would suggest holding off on the cider, syrup, pumpkin, cinnamon & nutmeg and doubling up on that vanilla vodka (or anything that might be lingering in the cabinet).
Ponder on some Halloween costume ideas. I think the guy on the left is really onto something. Stay away from Frankenstein or Sandra Dee this year.
Something tells me a Sun costume would be a hit, especially for our East Coast trick-or-treaters.
Hopefully Frankenstorm will be nothing more than a Goblin with a big ego and Sandy will be wearing a chastity belt so we can all remain safe & sound.
Be Safe. Be Prepared. Be Well and of course Enjoy the Ride! It might be a doosey….