There have been days when I’ve listened to the senseless ramblings of nothing for what seems like hours…even days. Maybe it’s because I’m craving some human contact, I’m bored, avoiding the other million things that need to be done or I just can’t bring myself to say “Zip-It.” Sadly, I know the truth, I am “Zip It” impaired. There I said it! It’s the first step to recovery right?
My ears have been pimped out to these undeserving windbags for too long, working their lobes off listening to what I would consider nothing but the dreaded banter of me, me, me.
Don’t get me wrong, these drums are total sluts when it comes to other types of listening, some good music for instance is more than welcome. They are suckers for shaking elderly voices, wide open for the troubles of loved ones and they practically become satellite dishes for some sweet nothings.
The windbags are making this ear pleasure very difficult with their evasive nonsense. They scour the earth in search of eye contact. Once they have that, it’s all over for the ears. They don’t care who it is or where they are, if you have ears…working or not…they pounce. I’ve slowly become a magnet for this crew.
Perhaps it’s my compassionate nature..nah, who am I kidding…it’s not. It’s more like my inquisitive nature. Instead of a quick “Zip It” I always make the mistake of asking a question. Well, questions to a windbag are the Golden Ticket. This is an open invitation to…you guessed it…prolong the pain. Meanwhile, in their head they are hearing nothing short of.. “OMG! she loves me! She wants me to go on and on about me..yea!”
That’s all it would take is a quick “Zip It” to end this madness….yet I can’t do it. Sitting in silence, politely listening to useless words from the windbag, as I’m chanting “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR” in my head. My inner voice is having a field day filling my head with sarcastic responses that never get spoken as I try to imagine how many socks it would take to fill the pie hole.
I think I have finally found my answer in this wonderful tutorial. Dr. Evil really touches on the basics of getting your “Zip It” on, by making it look so natural. Incorporating DEVO…well, that is just pure genius. When a windbag comes along … you must “Zip It”…”Zip It” good!
Enjoy the Ride!
MissFourEyes tagged me in this wonderfully fun project. Of course, as a new blogger, I am honored to be chosen to play along and get to know some of you a little better.
Here are the RULES:
- You must post the rules.
- Post eleven fun facts about yourself.
- Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
- Tag eleven people and link them on your post.
- Let them know you’ve tagged them.
FUN FACTS ABOUT YOURS TRULY:
1. I love watching Austin Powers movies…yeah baby.
2. Singing like a rock star in my car makes me very happy. (I don’t care who sees me).
3. My dog Chester is a wonderful listener; he can say “shut the F up” with his eyes; and then I become a good listener.
4. Being near a body of water brings me peace..preferably an Ocean or Lake.
5. Little kids make me laugh with their raw honesty. If a (3) year old says “your fat” chances are…….
6. David Sedaris is my favorite author. I laughed so much reading Naked during jury duty selection I was dismissed.
7. I don’t tolerate injustices of any kind.
8. I love watching people give powerful passionate speeches.
9. I love a really good pizza.
10. I love all genres of music, with the exception of twangy country songs.
11. I have a quick wit..appropriate and inappropriate.
QUESTIONS: Asked by the very delightful….Miss Four Eyes.
1. What do you really think about George Washington’s pants?
Let’s just say if I were Martha, I would insist that he wear black pants. Getting the white bright without bleach had to be a bitch.
2. If I gave you a penny, what would you do with it?
I would make a wish and add it to my change jar. My wish would be that it could breed with the other coins and multiply.
3. What is your toilet paper preference?
Anything that is actually on the dispenser (soft is the first choice). Replacing the empty seems to be an issue around these parts.
4. Would you live in a house made of candy?
Considering I have the willpower of a gnat and my mouth is already a dental Disneyland…NO.
5. What do you think is the best feeling ever?
When I am moved to my feet via the passion of someone’s speech or a song. Best feeling EVAH!
6. What determines a hot butt?
A butt with some substance…nothing flat.
7. If I gave you $100, would you eat a worm?
Well, if it was sautéed in butter and garlic yes, if it was just a worm..NO.
8. Would you work in a circus?
Absolutely Positively YES!
9. Do you really like high-fiving people?
No, frankly I don’t even care to watch others do it. Not my thang!
10. If you had a catch phrase what would it be?
Enjoy the ride!
11. What do you think about peeing on a fire hydrant?
I think it serves it’s purpose for dogs, however I don’t understand the attraction.
Questions …Questions…Questions: Take Your Time And Answer Carefully
1. Have you ever had a healthy obsession?
2. What is your favorite song and why?
3. What T.V. character best describes you?
4. What is your biggest pet peeve?
5. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
6. What is the most interesting place you ever visited?
7. If you had a magic wand, and it actually worked, what is the first thing you would change to make the world a better place?
8. What do you like the best about your life? Least?
9. What is your definition of sexy?
10. What is your favorite quote?
11. Would you stand up against a wrong in a room filled with silence?
TAG …The Following Bloggers are IT!