Tag Archives: bags under my eyes

I Need Emotional Viagra!

Friday night I was beyond tired! After I convinced myself  it was a result of being awake most of the night before due to excessive snoring from the husband AND the dog; not the disease I diagnosed myself with, I went to bed.

Now, I was not only in the deepest of sleep, I was starring in a very STEAMY dream. I can only assume my subconscious was taking over from all that chatter regarding the blog I posted about the young man who died during the threesome. That is where we are leaving it folks…use your imagination, you are all very bright.

Well, my 15 minutes of porn star fame ended abruptly when the phone rang. My mother is 85 and my daughter was away for the weekend, therefore I’m certain that **RING** alone took 10 years off my life, not to mention what happened next:

ME: Hello?

Brother-in-Law:  Hey Leese I’m glad I got you and not my brother, I really didn’t want to deal with his attitude. I’m in prison. Can you believe I’m in prison? I went to go buy that tablet thing (iPad?), so I put some beer in an empty Gatorade bottle, because I didn’t want to waste it, (God Forbid) to ride my bike to the store and I got pulled over. Can you believe I got pulled over on a bike? I don’t know I guess the cops aren’t busy. Are you there? My brain is still stuck on the word “prison” as I headed down stairs. 

ME: Yeah

Brother-in-Law:  They found out I had a Warrant and locked me up. I was at the Police Station all day. Did you know I asked my brother to take me up here to take care of this Warrant and he didn’t have time? I told the cop that and do you know what he said? He told me I should have ridden my bike. Funny, I was thinking the same thing. It took like 2 hours to get here in a car and he expects me to ride a bike? Ya know what else, this Warrant is from 2003…come on..don’t these people have other stuff to do? I have to work in the morning so can you call my boss and tell him I’m in prison? Sure, lets just keep that shock factor going … just passing it on. 

ME: Sure

Brother-in-Law:  This prison is in a really nice area. Driving up we went through the town and everyone was eating dinner outside and having a good time and I was going to prison. Have you ever been up here?  It’s nice, you should have seen all the girls..dam. I always envisioned that whole “one phone call” thing much differently. I just always assumed there would be more fear and less chit-chat. 

ME: Oh yeah it’s very nice. Can I have your boss’s phone number?

Brother-in-Law: Here it is and just let him know I’m in prison (define “prison” because I’m starting to think that’s where I’m at right about now) and I can’t come in. Hey, when is the court thing? Monday? (that was directed at the guard) Ok Leese, well I gotta go, have a good night.

ME: Ugh..um..oh..okay..bye.

As I processed what just happened, I headed back to bed. Now, I bring you part II:

ME:  That was your brother, he is in Doylestown prison.

Husband: He woke me up for that?

ME: You never even moved!

Husband:  Ugh … I was sound asleep. Does EVERYONE realize at this very moment, it is a MIRACLE that I am NOT someone’s bitch in an orange jumpsuit writing this from the Prison Library?! 

No need to get the torches out ladies, I told him all about the dream, reminded him how tired he was and went to sleep. Please do not underestimate the power of a tired, angry woman! 

So, Saturday I found out that the Warrant was for a citation he received back in 2003 for sleeping in his truck. He was homeless when he was working for a contractor, so he thought it would be “ok” to park his truck and sleep at the job site. The problem was that this “job site” was in an upper echelon residential neighborhood. This neighborhood doesn’t even allow fast food restaurants to display their Golden Arches, because they’re hideous to the rich eye. So, lord knows they will frown upon someone using their vehicle as living quarters.

Needless to say, he has had his fair share of trial and tribulations. He was homeless for about 8 years, due to drug & alcohol issues but he always seemed to trudge along. As of today he has been drug free for 3 years, has his own place, a job, bank account and wheels (his bike).

Trust me, he is aware of the poor choices he has made and the damage he has done to himself physically and mentally. The regrets are deep, the struggles are daily and the amends will last the rest of his life…one day at a time.

So, until tomorrow he will remain in prison, where apparently you are allowed to use the phone all day. It is now 2:00 pm and I just hung up from the 5th call of the day, in which he informed me there is no record of a Warrant. It appears there was a “clerical error”, but he’ll have to wait to see a Judge in the morning. Deep breaths everyone…deep breaths. 

I think today is a good day to start being curious, not judgmental and just…….Enjoy the Ride!

Peace and Noise

I had the pleasure of visiting my daughter this weekend at college.  She recently joined a Sorority and I was invited for a mother/daughter pinning ceremony .

Everything was very nice, but I was hoping for more of a Legally Blond Sorority moment with Ann Taylor dresses, pearls and everything pink. Not that these things reflect me in any way, I was just looking for some entertainment.

Since this ceremony was on a Sunday evening, I decided to book myself a room at a local Bed & Breakfast near the college.  I was really looking forward to the getaway, mainly for a good nights sleep.  A night away from the husband and dog, who spend their days plotting to simultaneously snore so they can have the room all to themselves.  I have no evidence of this master plan, other than the bags under my eyes.

My room at the Inn
Ironically labeled ... Freedom

After a very long day I headed back to the Inn, which was absolutely beautiful.  The Inn Keeper informed me earlier that I was the only guest for the eveningAt the time I thought this was a good thing, but when I walked back into this immense historic house in the dark…well, I was having second thoughts (yes, I am the Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town and no, I don’t care).

I got settled in the big comfy bed with hopes of quickly falling sound asleep. Of course that didn’t happen..why you ask…because, brace yourselves… it’s too QUIET!  I am wide awake and declare myself a middle-aged Goldie Locks. Home is too noisy and now this place is too quiet…ugh..come on.

Well, I did in fact fall asleep, only to wake up at 2 a.m., realizing I was in a strange place and *BAM* ….. the Sandman has left the building. This is where having a vivid imagination is a curse. Anyone else would turn on the T.V. or read in hopes of dozing off again, but noooo… not me.  I lay there wide awake with the wheels in my head spinning with thoughts of how the Inn Keeper was actually like Kathy Bate’s character in the movie Misery. Remember that looney tune?

We'll See Who Can Blog
Now Won't We....

She obviously enjoys my Blog and is jealous that I won a contest over at The Byronic Man blog.  In her jealous rage she screams at me for being Tagged by MissFourEyes and decides to hold me hostage at the Inn. This is where I give myself a firm…Lisa! Stop it and just go to sleep, you big…gigantic…weirdo!

Finally, I managed to get myself back to sleep, right before it was time to get up…so much for rest and relaxation. My Kathy Bates/Misery thoughts made me chuckle, until she was serving me breakfast and my imagination surfaced, yet again; and suddenly my pancakes started to look very suspicious.

Monks Gone Wild
I'm In!

It was just so unbelievably Q U I E T.  I couldn’t stand it another second. There was some light conversation at breakfast, but other than that I was officially a Monk. (I could only be a rebel Monk)  

My Conclusion:  It has been a very long time since I’ve spent time with a very important person….ME.

One of the most important things you can do is surround yourself in true silence and rest your mind, but it is very difficult in this world of  sensory overload. Obviously I need to practice shutting down my mind otherwise I will be talking to lamps and it will sadly be a two-way conversation.

So, take a minute to unwind, untangle, refocus and as always…Enjoy The Ride!

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