Imagine receiving a call from a potential employer, who decided to conduct an impromptu phone interview right in the middle of a summer day when your two overzealous boys are home. Are you sweating?
Well, this is exactly what happened to my sister. She was on the phone putting her best professional voice forward, while waving her hands; talking through her teeth and giving an evil eye to her two laughing boys, whom she decided to keep after this day. They have no idea how lucky they are … really.
Mothers of boys know that the laughter only escalates when her face begins turning all sorts of colors and she appears on the verge of exploding. In their eyes this is the best thing since double stuffed Oreos.
While she found herself trapped between motherhood, corporate America and a full-blown circus right in her own living room, she slithered up the steps to the sanctuary of her bedroom, shut the door and continued the interview. Just when you think you’re safe…
Suddenly she heard some sort of commotion outside, which wasn’t too unusual since she lived on a main road, but this noise just didn’t seem normal. At times like this you just want to smother your inner curious cat.
While still on the damn phone she looked out the window only to see her two boys, one in his boxer shorts, holding a sign that read:
Honk If You Like Boobies
Unfortunately for her the neighbors really, really liked boobies!
Express yourself. Never be afraid to find the humor in life and always Enjoy the Ride!
Yes, she got the job!
I don’t know about you, but I have had my share of *BOMBS* dropped at my feet over the years, not literally of course. I’m referring to those moments that leave you so stunned you become a statue, paralyzed by what you just think you may have heard. Now, I am a reactor or some might say… over reactor. If I see or hear something that causes alarm, I am the first to let out a big yelp, eyes bulging and a loud… O MY GOD! So, for me to be stunned, paralyzed or floored….it’s really gotta be good.
My son has been a bomber since he started talking. There is never a warning, he just appears ***BOOM*** and leaves you sitting there with your jaw on the ground and a few more gray hairs.
Just the other night we were waiting for him to come home from work. It was 10:15 p.m. when he came through the door and *BOOM* “Mom, did the police call you yet?” Honestly, throwing ice water on me would have been less shocking. Apparently, he “accidentally” pushed the 911 button on the phone and the police had to follow-up to make sure that it truly was accidental and everyone was ok. He didn’t want the police to call before he got home…why? *BOOM* “Mom, I didn’t want you to think I was duck taped in a trunk or something.” Never saw the second one before it was too late.
I have discovered there is something much more dangerous than talking and texting while driving. It’s having your child in the passenger seat dropping BOMBS that actually have you searching for the nearest pole or guardrail to rest your car on in the moment. No mother wants to hear this as they’re are driving down the interstate without an ounce of warning …*BOOM* “Mom, do you know what a blow job is?” Now, where do we even begin….apparently a friend, who is lucky enough to have 2 older brothers, decided to conduct his own sex ed class, which then provoked the question. I just muttered a “Umm, do you?” and prayed that the answer would at least be something that would let us get to our destination in one piece. To this day I have no recollection on how we got from point “A” to point “B”, but I am very glad he asked me and not those 2 misinformed brothers.
The most shocking visual to date ( hoping to keep it this way) was seeing my son plastered up against the side of the pool, similar to Spiderman scaling a building. As a female, I had NO CLUE what was going on. I opened the door and innocently said “stop hanging on the side of the pool you’re blocking the filter” I should have heard the jets flying overhead..swishing in for the drop, but I didn’t…and sure enough *BOOM* …”mom, stop talking I’m almost at the good part.” At that moment someone could have hooked me up to the hose and I would have made a lovely lawn fountain. Let’s just say it was a long Summer and the filter was named “Phyllis” before it ended. Now that he is hanging around real women…I really miss Phyllis.
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. Albert Einstein
We raised our kids to be honest, no matter what the circumstances. Sometimes honesty seems inappropriate and when it’s delivered in a form of a *BOMB* it can be down right shocking, but I’ll take shocking truths over shocking lies any day.
It’s nice knowing I’m still worthy of being *BOMBED* … Honesty is the best gift you can give or receive ……Enjoy The Ride !