Two weeks ago today I graduated from therapy. It’s been a long 3 1/2 years of eye-opening sessions that have left me stronger, wiser and a better me. So why the hell am I so disappointed? There was no ceremony, no party…nothing. Just me in a chair hearing the dreadful words … “I really don’t think you need me any more.”
When I say I never saw that coming, I’m not exaggerating. This is when the groveling began. Is there someone else who needs my hour? But, I love coming…I need you. Then came the response….“You can always call me if your need me.” The only thing missing was the “we can still be friends” line. For the love of God take the knife out of my heart already!
Is it a coincidence or have I been on an emotional roller coaster ride since that day? Did I mention how much I despise rides? Suddenly I felt like a teenager venturing out into the “real world” with unrealistic expectations to become a responsible adult over night. You’ve graduated, congratulations! Oh yea, good luck with all that now.
The first test after graduating was reading very poignant pieces written by several of the bloggers I follow regarding mothers. All three had lost their mothers at different stages of their lives, but it didn’t matter the result was the same…emptiness. Each piece tugged a little more at my heart-strings. This is where my head began it’s journey downward on full throttle.
My mother is still here, but the relationship is different, she is older. I can no longer confide in her with my concerns because she worries at the drop of hat. So what does a good daughter do….she lies. Everything is great, yup fine and dandy around these parts. You can not fool a mother! Suddenly she is calling me more often, no doubt waiting for me to slip up and spill the beans. There are days when you just want your mother dammit! Just when I was on the brink of darkness, along came a light…
I have the pleasure of following a wonderful blog that puts a smile on my face every day. Susannah is not a mother it the literal sense of the word, but she is a mother none the less to so many who need that occasional “are you ok?” in their life. Whether it be an animal, a homeless person or a stranger like myself.
Susannah has some serious mother senses! She recognized it my writing …”you seem glum is everything ok?” What? How? Of course she didn’t believe my poor acting, so she sent me a link to a hysterical video, along with a few comforting words that instantly turned my frown upside down. Virtual healing of the heart compliments of a verb mother.
Next on the list, an extreme sense of worry. As I was sitting one morning, enjoying a cup of java with the husband, my head began to spin…literally. I was about to faint, but I scared myself out it. Apparently screaming is the key.
My husband held me through it but really could not understand my concern/fear/insanity. These were his words “I get that all the time. I just tell myself I don’t have time for this shit.” Let me get this straight, your head spins out of nowhere on more than one occasion and you don’t think you have a brain tumor? Ok, it’s official, I want a penis!
I barely made it to work that day. Thank goodness my co-worker was available to talk me off the cliff so I could arrive safely. I conveniently work for a doctor, who was most likely second guessing his hiring decision in this moment.
After I explained everything to him he looked right at me and said “Lisa, I thought something was really wrong” while assuring me everything was fine. Logical Lisa comprehended all he was saying, yet big strong Loony Tune Lisa pushed her right out-of-the-way and began making funeral arrangements.
Let me explain…when Looney Tune Lisa takes over there are no cures, treatments or pills…nope she hurdles from a symptom directly to the grave. Welcome to the inside of my head a/k/a batshit crazy.
So much more has occurred in the weeks following graduation, but since it doesn’t involve the normal post-graduation shenanigans of excessive drunkenness and poor decision-making, I won’t bore you with the details.
All I can say is when I logged onto Facebook this morning, after a week chock full of ups, downs, doubts and worry, I must admit I was stunned at the brilliance of Facebook god. She really knows her shit!
This day of your life, Lisa, we believe God wants you to know … that animals and children can be incredible role models … Even ‘roll models’. Watch them as they roll around on the grass, scratching their backs, feet gleefully kicking up in the air. Notice the freedom they enjoy and the obvious joy they feel in that freedom. This freedom is very important for adults, too. Don’t get stuck in ruts of seriousness. Let your wild spirit run free once in a while.
It’s time for me put my fears aside and recognize how amazing my life can be. Take a deep breath and of course, Enjoy the Ride!
Today I’m giving a shout out to my nephew Tyler. Holla! He prefers to go by Ty, now that he is heading into the direction of Rock Star status. Once he incorporated leather and skulls into his wardrobe, even I had to surrender to using Ty.
Ty studied music at the Berklee School of Music, which gives you an idea about the level of love he has for music. He lives, breathes and incorporates it into every part of his life. Music is his passion and when passion is played on a Les Paul … it’s magical.
Currently he is part of the band MACH22, which is made up of the following musical geniuses:
Ty Asoudegan-Lead Guitar
Sebastian LaBar-Rythm Guitar/Vocals
MACH22 was started by Lamont Caldwell. I can’t describe how far his talents reach, lets just leave it at a Cosmic Level shall we.
He is a multi-talented musician that was in search of an outlet to let his creative genius loose, and that he did when he joined forces with these other top-notch musicians to form MACH22.
Right from the start they stood-out amongst their peers in the vibrant Philly music scene, along with catching the eye of some professionals in the music biz. It’s no doubt this recognition has been accomplished. Their collective musical passion is heard in every note, it resonates with their audience and leaves them wanting more.
The LIVE performances of this Philadelphia based band have a powerful sound. They have been coined as “Zeppelin meets Kravitz” playing REAL rock and roll music! Remember what that is folks? The sound that makes you want to crank up the volume and the let the song hit you in the face. Oh, yea!
Upcoming LIVE Events:
June 8, 2012 at MOODSWING Nightclub 3421 Kirkwood Highway, Wilmington, DE 19808
June 14, 2012 at The Delancy 168 Delancy Street, New York, NY
June 23, 2012 at the TLA on South Street, Philadelphia, PA (I’ll be the middle ages woman trying to be cool and awake)
MACH22 is making that Old-School-Rock sound seem fresh. I am happy to announce that on June 1st they released their first music video.
For your listening pleasure, I present to you MACH22 and “Don’t You Give Me.”
**FEEL FREE TO CRANK UP THE VOLUME**
Living in a community surrounded by caring neighbors, where people look out for one another and genuinely care about the safety and well-being of all residents is wonderful, so please don’t get me wrong with what I’m about to reveal. This sense of community always comes with a price and in this case, it’s the line where caring and down right nosy meet.
Currently, I am dealing with the type of nosy that puts Mrs. Kravitz to shame. My situation is more of a Kraviseal. This is a Mrs. Kravitz/Navy Seal fusion that leaves nothing off the list of questions or a means to get the answers. If you have a nosy neighbor or if you’ve been, lets just say in a prison environment, you can relate to my dilemma.
The Kraviseals know more about my life than I do!
The Kraviseals know what time all of my family members leave the house each day and what time we return. The Kraviseals regularly scope out the house to see if we’ve added any new fixtures or decorations and peak in at any opportunity to get a glimpse of who knows what. I wish so badly that I had a purple unicorn in my living room, I really do, but honestly my life isn’t that interesting.
After a long day I just want to sit outside with my dog and enjoy the evening…is that really asking too much? Within seconds of settling in I am pounced on and interrogated by the FBI, oh, not that one, the more elaborate Fact Finding-Busy Body-Intrusive Investigative sort. I sit there silently chanting…name, rank and serial number as I’m being DRILLED with the who, what, where, when, whats and hows about everything and anything. I’ve tried silence, changing the subject and sadly hiding behind closed doors…there is NO getting the hint…ever. If I am spotted, it’s back to busy body business as usual…no shame.
At first I thought well, it is nice to know that someone is watching the house during the day, but this sort of “watching” is just that, there is no concern. I don’t want to come home and hear “Oh, there was a burglar in your house today and they took the T.V.” No stopping the crime, or perhaps leaving the window to call the police…just watching (probably eating popcorn) and reporting anything and everything. She could have dusted that thing before it was stolen.
It became very clear the other night that I was being creeped upon by the Kraviseals via my Facebook. Interesting I thought …very freaking interesting indeed. There was the slip and it was quickly retracted along with some stuttering and forgotten…or so they thought. Sooooo….Let’s give them something to talk about. A little mystery to figure out.
I thought I would just let the truth be known right here on this Blog, which just happens to be public on my Facebook. How is that for convenient? Now it can be read, absorbed and hopefully understood that the intrusive behavior is not only unkind, acceptable or necessary, it’s an indication that your excessive extra time could be put to better use. Volunteering for the local Town Watch sounds ideal to me.
ALERT: The grass is not greener over here, same weeds, crabgrass and dandelions.
So just relax…away from the window and please … Enjoy The Ride!
We all need to complain at one time or another. We call up our friends and let the gates of self-pity loose. Whah! “I can’t take it anymore”, “why me?” and my personal favorite “what did I ever do to deserve this? these are all very popular topics for a good old fashion venting session. Finding a friendly ear to listen can be some of the best therapy available, added humor is even better if you get some. No co-pay, no weekly trips to a therapist…just a phone call and a compassionate ear. However, this so-called “compassionate ear” for some, has been extended to Facebook, Twitter and whatever other virtual “ears” may be available for some listening displeasure.
I’m beginning to think that the virtual ears are being used to invite 100 plus “friends” over for nothing more that a big ole pity party. Think about how easy it is to write a Woe Is Me status on your wall and within seconds you’re receiving instant compassion, advice and sometimes even prayers to get you through your “crisis”, without ever leaving the comfort of your home. Who needs a therapist? now that we have the social media solving our problems and feeding our needs…one click and a time. No need for human connection, or dare I say PROFESSIONAL answers, not when we can get all we need from our “friends”, most of whom we rarely see in our “real” lives.
While these people are using their Facebook for some sort of attention seeking vessel, it is slowing sucking the life out of everyone else’s page. My page has a welcoming tone, a little political at times; an occasional funny photo, inspirational quote or music selection; humor and of course a dash of sarcasm; a page of pleasure if you will. So for me, it’s exhausting reading one dramatic post after the next as if they are planning for an apocalypse and frankly it leaves the rest of us looking for signs of fires and locusts. Therefore, unless its life-changing in some way or perhaps you have an actual date and time for the apocalypse, please tell the negative committee that lives inside your head to shut up. Negative draws negative and can turn the most beautiful of people…ugly in an instant.
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” – Oprah Winfrey
Hey, I’m not always Patty Positive (far from it) and I’ll be the first to admit that Debbie Downer has nothing on the Negative Nancy that has taken over me at times, even with the knowledge that it’s not healthy. This is why it is so important to take a moment to appreciate the people, places and things that surround us every day. This is what keeps the Debbie’s and Nancy’s at at distance, sort of the same way garlic works on blood-sucking vampires, positive thoughts keep the emotional vampires at bay.
Gratitude can be magical and when we take the time to incorporate into our day, it has the power to change our lives. Positive words and thoughts attract more positive people and circumstances. Take a moment today to notice your fortunes, decide how you can reduce the negativity in your life, begin appreciating every day and as always…..Enjoy the Ride!