Fear and Forbidden Penises
You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.
This is such an interesting question, but I would have to break it down into different parts of life in order to grasp the depth for my response. Lord knows the fears have changed over the years.
As a little kid I had a fear of the Dentist. This would most likely be due to the fact my mother told me we were going to the Grand Opening of the Acme, but some how I found myself being put to sleep only to wake up with bloody gauze in my mouth. Surprisingly this did not lead into the fear of supermarkets…interesting fact.
When I was 10 I remember being afraid that my father was going to die. I had just been informed that he was older than my best friend’s grandmother. In my 10 year old mind he was now ancient and it was just a matter of time before he was gone. 21 years later folks, 21 YEARS.
I remember being afraid of being possessed like Linda Blair in the Exorcist for a while back in my pre-teen days. I snuck into this wonderful film at the age of 12, which seemed like a great idea at the time. I moved my entire mattress into my parents room and slept there for 3 weeks. Maybe longer, who’s counting?
I always had a fear of public speaking, well ever since 5th grade anyway. Sister Geraldine felt the need to embarrass me to the point of silencing my every thought. I broke this fear when I had to fight for the rights of my children. Never underestimate the power of a mother.
Then there was the fear of being pregnant that lasted well into my early twenties and resurfaced up until the day the tubes were tied for good. After 12 years of Catholic school I was convinced that the thought of penis would land me into the nearest maternity ward. FYI: Forbidding penises just made everyone want one even more. Well, maybe not everyone.
Next up would be the fear of finding true love. There was so much hype about getting married that this fear left me with settling for someone who was not a good match. The silver lining is that the entire experience showed me what I didn’t want in my life, but learning the lesson was a drag.
In my late 20’s I was hit with the fear of not being able to get pregnant. Life is hilarious isn’t it? 6 miscarriages later I had my daughter. My son followed 2 years later and to this day I have no recollection of that conception.
Now, being a parent brought on fears that never even crossed my mind. They start from the second your child is born, to the end of time. There are too many to list, but I’m sure all the parents out there know exactly what I’m trying to express.
With marriage, houses & kids come all those every day fears of survival. I would consider these the necessity fears. Fear of having enough food, fear of being able to make a mortgage payment..you know all that fun stuff.
Of course, I have always had the normal fear of things like roller coasters, heights, someone following me up the basement steps and serial killers. These are embedded in my core.
Now, back to the question at hand. My answer in this very moment would be … drum roll please…
The room would be stark white and empty except for me. My deepest fear at this stage of my life is Fear of the Unknown. This is more prevalent due to the obvious fact I’m getting older. The unknown use to be exciting and filled with joyful anticipation, now it’s just filled with worry. I’m doing my best to slay this demon by living in the moment…so far so good, but it’s not easy.
Take life one day at a time and Enjoy the Ride!
Mine All Mine!
One of my favorite quotes of all time is “Our Greatest Fear” by Marianne Williamson. I loved it so much that I printed a copy about 3 years ago and pinned it on my bulletin board at work. It stares me in the face every day to remind me that it’s not our inadequacies that should be feared, but our immeasurable power. Being reminded is one thing, believing is another. This has been especially difficult for me considering my years of feeling “just not good enough.”
Then, as if I were hit by an enormous beam of enlightenment, I happened upon this little tidbit. Can you say Ah Ha moment? Clearly I have a much easier time resonating with powerful messages when they are broken down into simple concepts, such as turd references. It’s all in the delivery folks.
Disclaimer: This message is in No Way meant to encourage abuse of your new-found power by actually going to a water park or any other body of water where large crowds gather in order to get that “I’m the ruler of the world” feeling that you have wanted for so damn long. It’s only a MINDSET.
I’m not sure if this is common knowledge or not, but approximately 2000 to 3000 people pass through a water park on any given day. So now when I have one of my “I’m not worthy” moments, I’ll just imagine myself standing at the foot of one of those slides with the knowledge that all of those people are one burrito away from being … Mine all mine Mwahahaha!
As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
Liberate yourself and Enjoy the Ride!
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