Tag Archives: New Years

Bye 2020 Bye

Growing up, our family’s New Year’s Day tradition consisted of watching the Mummers parade ALL day because that’s how long it took to get to the finale and then to enjoy pork with sauerkraut dinner to somehow bring good luck in the year ahead. Umm, would be roasting an entire pig be too much this year, asking for a friend?

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’ve been doing some research to amp up the whole good luck thing for 2021. According to the Google search box I’m not alone.

It was fascinating and alarming as to how some countries around the world ring in the new year. For instance, in Spain it is customary to eat 12 grapes, one at each clock’s stroke. Eating grapes seems easy enough, but it will be a hard NO for me without being surrounded by a group of people who can perform the Heimlich maneuver.  It’s still 2020 until that last grape hits the mouth. 

Denmark knows how to go out with a good old fashioned release of frustration. You’ll have to grab all of those unwanted dishes, or in this house, I could use the 5000000000 coffee mugs that never see a drop of coffee. Now, according to tradition, you head over to a friend’s home and smash them on the front door to ward off evil spirits and welcome good vibes. The definition of “friend” needs to be CRYSTAL CLEAR before you get started.

As if that weren’t enough for this Danish crew of thrill-seekers, they also try to find the highest peak they can, sometimes climbing on top of chairs, tables, and other objects in the home to jump into the New Year. Let me just put this out there, folks. If you’ve been eating and drinking ALL night and are over the age of 5, do not, I repeat, DO NOT, climb or jump. Remember, you’ll be heading to a Corona virus-infested ER alone if something goes wrong. 

Ok, considering the political shit show we’ve all endured this year, I think we might need to embrace the tradition of the Ecuador locals who celebrate Los Anos Viejos, which translates to “the old years”—a tradition in which you want to destroy any of your past demons. This is where it gets good.

Locals use this as an opportunity to create dolls, like scarecrows; some are decorated with signs describing sins, while others (here is where it gets good) resemble sinister people. The creations are then filled with straw, newspaper, and anything else that burns fast. As the clock strikes twelve, the look-alikes are set on fire in the front yard, representing the good riddance to the old and welcoming the new. Oh, sweet Jesus, get this girl a match! 

If you’re looking for some less dramatic ways to bring luck and love into your homes, you can turn to Italy to get the party started. It is customary to wear red underwear on NYE in Italy to bring love, prosperity, and good luck. Never underestimate the power of your Valentines’ panties. In the city of Venice, people gather in St. Mark’s Square to welcome the new year with a mass kissing session. Who needs fireworks. 

In Wales, you’ll see many back doors opening at midnight to let the old year out. The entry is then locked to ensure that the hot mess doesn’t return. This year they might want to open some windows as well, to be sure it’s gone. We shouldn’t rule out a security system. 

Well, considering 2020 has been so extra for many of us, I think it might be a good idea to ring in 2021 the same way. Forget what I said earlier. Eat that pork with a 12 grape chaser in your red underwear while setting your sinister scarecrow look-alike on fire as you jump off of a chair, breaking dishes as you open the back door. Take that 2020!

I wish all of you a happy, healthy, prosperous, and patient 2021!

Buckle up and Enjoy the Ride!

This Girl Is On Fire

137711701075362310_S55hglJb_cAs 2012 heads out the door and the welcome wagon arrives with 2013 in tow, I can’t help but be reminded of how much I loathe the impending countdown to midnight. This goes way back to my childhood.  Also known as the “olden days” around these parts.

Over the years I remember staying up way past our bedtime filled with excitement. The anticipation would build up all day as we waited for midnight to arrive. Midnight sounded so forbidden. 

There was all sorts of hoopla surrounded with running outside to bang our pots & pans to ring in the new year. For god sakes we would argue over who would be banging the spaghetti pot…that just sounded a little dirty. Any who, I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the big fat let down that I got. Whomp..whomp.

I just never felt at ease cheering on as the new year made its grand entrance. Oh sure article-2254718-16ACB1C0000005DC-166_470x610there were years of kissing strangers at the stroke of 12 and chugging down champagne in celebration of all things new, but in the end New Years has always left me with a sadness of sorts, even before hearing the dreaded sounds of Auld Lang Syne. Too much champagne, a sad song and kissing strangers only leads to a good time you won’t remember.

Now that this celebration has turned into a full-blown fight to keep my eyes open until midnight, I must ask myself “Why do I even bother?”

Always the optimist am I’m holding out for something other than gloom and doom? Maybe. Is it going to happen? No, because repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result is INSANITY. The insanity stops right here on the peak of 2012/2013!

Remember the Seinfeld episode when George realizes every decision he has ever made in his life is wrong so he decides to do the complete opposite? Well, that is what I have decided to do, starting with New Years Eve. Tonight when I’m tired, oh I am going to sleep..that’s right!

George Costanza was right when he said “I use to sit here and do nothing and regret it for the rest of the day so now I will do the opposite and do something!” Sounds like a plan to me George.

Soooo, tomorrow when I just want to lay around, I’m getting up to do something. Living the Slug Life is over! Cookies will be replaced 633784_7528934_lzwith fruit and vegetables, sitting will turn into walking and walking will eventually turn into running walking faster. Mwahahahaha the possibilities are endless! 

Black will be white, solids will be prints, sneakers will be stilettos sensible flats Note: this is only due to my large feet that already have me shopping in the “special” section at the far corner of the store with the Drag Queens. 

When my daughter says “I’m going out with insert ex-boyfriends name” I will happy-dog-forced-smile-freaky-1303555329nsmile and wish them a pleasant evening. Smile as in forced, followed by a very high-pitched “have a good time kids.” Baby steps people, baby steps. When my son approaches me with his famous mom, don’t freak out like you always do, BUT.” I won’t freak-out! I‘ll force my eyeballs to remain in my head while severing my tongue as I quietly watch his mouth move and my hair quickly turns to a fashionable shade of white. 

I always knew Seinfeld was a smart well written piece of work, but who knew the answers to all of my problems were hidden right there in an episode about opposites? I guess I just wasn’t ready to hear that message during the first thousand times it aired. Better late than never folks, better late than never.

Cheers to 2013! I hope I am sleeping soundly when you arrive with your entourage of bells & whistles tonight, so I can wake up tomorrow fresh as a daisy ready to live my opposite life. This girl is on fire! 

Adios 2012 it’s been real! 

2013 is coming fast so let’s get ready to Enjoy the Ride!

Best Wishes for a Happy, Healthy & Prosperous New Year Friends! 

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