Tag Archives: pigeons

A Flock of Fortune

As I watched the 48 Septa Transit workers collect their Power Ball winnings, I have to wonder..hey, what about me?  I should
certainly have won the big ticket by now, what’s the hold up universe?  Oh, that’s right, you must play to win..I hate details.

Honestly though, I should just be finding random bags of loot on every corner at this point.  People should be flocking to me trying to rub my head for a smidgin of my good fortune. Why you ask…Bird Poop…that’s why.

When Bird Droppings Land On Your Head 

Many people believe this to be a major sign of wealth coming from heaven. Although, it is really yucky and a major inconvenience, when something like this happens to you, take comfort in the fact that this is described as good luck being just around the corner! In fact, most things associated with birds tend to spell good fortune, such as when birds fly to your home and start making nests in and around your house.  Birds bring good news and opportunities. 

LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE A TARGET BOYS!

I always have Morning Doves nest in my window boxes. I’ve had a bird fly into my car and just sit on the dashboard like a bobble head, and I’ve had a crow…yes a crow in my house…in the city. Strangely enough, birds have always freaked me out, especially after what I’m about to reveal.

It was lunchtime and my friends decided to stop in a store, while I waited for them outside. Suddenly there was a splash that hit the sidewalk. I honestly thought a construction crew spilled a can of paint..it was that loud. Sadly it was a SPLASH of bird droppings. There I stood, shocked and drenched in bird poop..on my 45 minute lunch break none the less.

Just when you think it can’t possibly get worse…oh, indeed it can.  Now, I’m not only drenched in bird poop, I have (2) men in a pick-up truck, barley breathing from laughing so hard and waving a TISSUE out of the window. The passenger musters up enough air to say..”hey, do you know that’s good luck?” Well, if that were true, you would have already vanished or provided me with the BATH SHEET necessary to remove this shit!  

ALRIGHT BOYS…LET’S DO THIS ON 3
1 2 3…POOP!

Now, my friends come out and are stunned at the site of me, but of course laughing.  These are the friends I have in my life…laugh first…help second.  If statements like “what are going to do?” followed by more laughter, is considered help.

We look up to determine just how many or what kind of bird does it take to create this amount of damage. Is there a Teradactyl hanging off the side of the building?  By the way, I would be fine with that ending.

FYI, apparently it takes about 25 pigeons, who no doubt spent the morning scarfing up day old burrito scraps in a Taco Bell parking lot, before flying into town to take a well organized, simultaneous poop…just for some laughs.  Oh, trust me, pigeons think they’re hysterical..in a NOT FUNNY pull my finger kind of way.

Here is where the story gets even more bizarre than the gallons of poop falling from the sky. I actually went to a store, purchased an outfit, changed clothes and rinsed my hair in a sink. Headed back to the office with a wet head and new clothes and … NOT ONE PERSON NOTICED!  To this day it boggles my mind.

Although I didn’t hit the lottery following this lunchtime horror show, I did get a unexpected job offer and I was introduced to my husband. Not bad for 45 minutes of hell.

So, the next time you see a pigeon heading your way…open your arms and shout …”Bring It On you feathery flock of fortune…Bring It On!”  Enjoy the Ride!

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