Open Wide
“What was the last thing that gave you a real, authentic, tearful, hearty belly laugh? Why was it so funny?”
This question is by far one of the easiest I’ve ever had to answer. I am what some might consider an easy laugh and they’re right.
By: Thomas Barbey
My answer to this question came on Friday, February 5th while sitting in, are you ready? the dentist chair. How many people can say that?
I’ve been going to my dentist for years. My mouth is a dental Disneyland so it’s a win/win. Always exciting, always something new, and always guaranteed cash. What’s not to love about that?
We really have a wonderful relationship, especially now that I’ve put both his children through college, and I’m currently helping him with a real estate deal in Center City. I’m such a giver … really.
Well, on Friday I was going in for a quick $418.00 visit. Off with the temporary cap, on with the permanent one. In and out. Nothing ever goes according to plan with this mouth.
As he was getting started he signaled his assistant to get the suction going, but something was off about the conversation. I could tell he was getting frustrated. Um because I was right there with my mouth opened like the Holland Tunnel listening.
Dentist: Are you hungry?
Me: I motioned “no” with my head. Since I had a hand, vacuum, and some sort of light in my mouth at the time. I followed up with a shrug which was my way of asking “why?”
Dentist: You seem to have a lot of saliva today. The suction can’t keep up. I’m about to bring in the wet vac.
Me: Lost it!
Dentist & Assistant: Lost it!
** The rest of this conversation took place through laughter, which just made it funnier, which led to yet more laughter.**
Dentist: Can you swallow?
Me: Not without drowning.
Dentist: Bite down on this. A small piece of cotton.
Me: You might want to get something more absorbent. Just the thought of a roll of Bounty in my mouth cracked me up.
Dentist: I hate to say this … rinse out.
Me: Practically crying with laughter.
Dentist: In my entire career I never had to change gloves in the middle of a procedure.
Me: Laughing at his now serious manner. Well, I got 99 problems, but extra saliva isn’t one of them.
Everyone: Uncontrollable laughter
Enjoy the ride!
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Age Is Just A Number
It’s time to be inspired by the passion, the message, the power and the determination that can not only be heard, but can be felt through the voice of Lillie McCloud. Personally, I have never heard this song and if I’m being honest, it’s not something that I would seek out for my playlist…until today. Age is just a number folks!
May you all have goosebumps while you Enjoy the Ride!
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Summer, Summer, Summertime
It’s finally here in all it’s glory…WHOOT!
Grab a friend and hit the beach.
Be a BadAss in a tutu…you only live once.
Do what you love, love what you do.
Let your inner child run wild.
Try something new. (These ladies set the bar pretty high)
Summer isn’t going to last forever, so hang on tight and Enjoy the Ride!
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We Needed More…
Weekly Writing Challenge: 1,000 Words,Take Two Your challenge this week is to write a post based on this picture:
Last night was amazing! I don’t want this to end; I just want to hold you forever. Honestly, I’ve never done anything like this before…I swear. I know you must find that hard to believe, but it’s true. It was magical. Was it real? Maybe there was something extra in the wine or maybe it’s just the romance that seems to be oozing through the sidewalks of this damn city. Whatever it is, I know I’m not ready for it to end here on this street. I need more…
I never anticipated that a last-minute decision to take in some sites would lead me to catching your eye from across the room. I was standing in the distance, watching your expression as you absorbed the beauty in the room. I just knew I had to know the person behind those eyes. Your intensity intrigued my curiosity. I needed more…
It’s not like me to be so forward, especially with strangers, but before coming on this trip I made a promise to myself to try something very new … taking risks. I’ve spent so many years regretting my inability to capture moments just like this, I owed it to myself to take a leap of faith, face my fears and accept these unexpected chances. I needed more…
My hands were sweating, my knees were weak and my voice was shaking the closer I got to blurt out that very low-keyed “hey.” When you turned around I never expected that warm inviting smile as you responded with a very enthusiastic “Hey!” Our conversation started slow. You took your time capturing the last drop of beauty on that canvas. I couldn’t blame you; the colors that intertwined throughout the landscape were mesmerizing. As soon as your concentration broke, it was obvious that this piece of art captured your soul. I needed more…
Finally our thoughts were brought back to the present as we cordially introduced ourselves. Never in my wildest dreams did I expect to travel across an ocean to meet someone who lived just 4 towns over from my own. I’m traveling alone with no set schedule, while you are taking advantage of studying abroad this semester. Just two people on a journey to escape their limited lives, crossing paths as they head towards their next chapter. I needed more…
Since I’m new to adventures I wasn’t sure how to handle this awkward moment that left us both shifting where we stood in the museum lobby. I took a chance suggesting that we continue this conversation at the corner cafe. I just couldn’t let it end there in that cold lobby; these feelings were worth more than that uncertain goodbye. I needed more…
After what seemed like just minutes in the cafe, we noticed the sun was about to turn in for the night. Our conversation seemed so natural, like two old friends picking up right where they left off so many years before. We never noticed how quickly time had left us. My stomach began giving me a quick reminder that I’ve been ignoring it all day. It was embarrassingly loud, but provided the perfect excuse to keep this conversation going over some dinner. I needed more…
As we sat drinking wine while enjoying the delicacies of this foreign place we remained engrossed in each other’s company. Something was happening, something good. Our hands were touching across the table. Our eyes were having a conversation all of their own and our young hormones were on the brink of exploding. We finished our dessert at record speed, while trying to keep our over-anxious emotions in tact. Check please! I needed more…
Standing out in the cool air didn’t seem to have an impact on our growing anticipation. We continued to hold hands as we tried desperately to suppress the magic that was obviously embracing us like a vice. We continued to walk down the dimly lit street with no destination in mind. Before I knew what was happening, we were through the door, up the stairs and in each other’s arms exchanging our pent-up aggression. I needed more…
Whew there is no greater feeling than releasing years of doubts, fears and uncertainty in a single moment. Exhilarating doesn’t even begin to explain how alive I felt laying in your arms. Our natural bond continued when you shared your photos with me, narrating each page; giving me permission to share your personal journey. I needed more…
We stayed cuddled close under the covers as the sun slowly began to make its way through the crack in the window and my heart began to sink. The morning began to take on a sense of reality that we were dreading. Normalcy began to creep into the bubble we created for ourselves last night. It seemed indestructible just a few hours ago, now it’s taking on the look of a fine piece of china. Coffee was brewing, the shower was running and that moment was getting closer. I needed more…
We sat quietly and slowly sipped our coffee in hopes that time would somehow take the hint; pausing to give us just a few more minutes alone, but the clock continued ticking pushing us closer to that daunting goodbye. The noises from the street broke our silence. We began to gather our things at a snail’s pace, savoring these last few minutes in the bubble. I needed more…
Classes started in an hour and the University was a good 20 minutes away. The Tin Trolly ran on a limited schedule. I had no choice but to catch the earliest one possible if I wanted to make it back to my hostel before I was reported missing. We grabbed our things, headed to door and stepped into reality. I needed more…
Our detour lead us to discovering something we didn’t expect. We needed more…
Embrace the detours and Enjoy the Ride!
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Mr.Clarence Clemons On Sax
Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.
It’s so interesting that this would be the prompt for the day. Just yesterday I was visiting one of my favorite places, Susie Lindau’s 
Wild Ride. She provided her readers the opportunity to take part in a little experiment of sorts, it’s something called Typealzyed. You must go her page and partake in the festivities. I am still amazed at the accuracy of my results, which now brings me all the way back to the initial prompt. You’ll thank me later for the detour over to Susie’s place!
Considering I hold a Phd. in self-deprecation, it’s not easy for me to toot my own horn. The real reason, according to the results of my Typealze study, is because it’s just not my nature. I get much more satisfaction out of hearing about or supporting the accomplishments of the people around me, than I do from talking about my own. See, apparently I am an ISFP personality. We tend not to give ourselves enough credit for the things we do well. Hence the lack of horn tooting.
I must say I am in very good company with my fellow ISFP personalities. Some famous ISFP’s are Jacki O., John Travolta, David Beckham and Michael Jackson. Not to shabby if i do say so myself. I consider myself honored to be in such good company.
ISFPs are observant, considerate, and kind. They appreciate being in the moment, and are often able to see beauty where others may not. ISFPs are particularly attuned to their environment and the emotions of those around them, and are motivated to bring harmony to both. ISFPs enjoy helping people achieve their goals, as they find meaning in being of service to others.
ISFPs are excellent listeners, and are sensitive to the needs of others. They value common sense and facts, often searching for a practical and immediate solution to a problem. ISFPs typically prefer to support others quietly and in the background, and may not have any desire to control or lead people and projects. As a result, an ISFP may find their accomplishments overlooked or underestimated by others.
Mark your calendars folks! Today is the day that this ISFP personality is going to turn over her Phd in self-depreciation, dust off that beautiful hand-crafted horn sitting in the corner and she is going to give it the toot of a lifetime. Please note: I am being very dramatic to build myself up.
TOOT: If I’m going to to release this toot, you better believe it will be done in style. So I now present to you Mr. Clarence Clemons on the Sax! Please insert sweet soulful sounds.
I am proud to announce the thing I like most about myself would be my incredibly quick wit. I’m not sure how you define “wit” but, my definition would include terms like; fast come-backs, under the breath sarcasm, snarky responses and hilarious one liners. This talent has been confirmed by the smiles or laughter they leave behind.
Everyone deserves a good toot now and then, so pick up your favorite horn and Enjoy the Ride!
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Call My Agent
Greetings fellow bloggers. What a beautiful day it is here today in the Blogosphere. The sun seems to be shining just a little brighter this morning. Oh wait, sorry folks it’s just the flash of the Paparazzi. You’ll have to excuse me, I’m still trying to get use to my star status. Move it Lohan!
I am here to report that the rumors are all true, I am in fact the recipient of THREE awards. Please take a moment to feel sorry for yourselves. Just look at these adjectives Inspiring, Lovely & Beautiful. They are green to reflect your envy.
The Academy Twindaddy was kind enough to choose little ole me with the Very Inspiring Blogger Award Pause: Insert LOUD applause. Ok, ok, ok, please take your seats. Thank you Twindaddy for acknowledging all of my efforts to inspire you as a writer, a person and most importantly a Storm Trooper. Confession: I have no idea what a Storm Trooper is…zilch, zero, nada.
One of the startling facts I learned about Twindaddy through this whole experience is he has feet at the bottom of his legs. That’s right, he revealed that deep dark secret about himself during his big 7 fact reveal. I still find myself shuddering in awe.
For god sakes I was still back stage giving an interview about my prior win when I 
heard my name being called yet again. Excuse me Oprah, I must not leave my fans waiting. As I entered the stage I had to adjust my eyes, I couldn’t believe that life on wry was standing there holding 2 awards. She actually let me choose my own award! These are the moments that confirm greatness. So, like the humble winner I am, I grabbed the The Lovely Blog Award and ran like hell. Just incase this was some sort of error. Life on Wry is pro. She writes candidly with humor. She is also a self-proclaimed MASTER of procrastination. This fact could have really screwed up my big night. Thank you LOW for being on your game and letting me choose my award!
Andre was right in the middle of touching up my make-up when I was being summoned to the stage for a 3rd time. The demands of stardom are endless. This time the stage was set in bright pink lighting, with glitter and sparkles. Standing at the podium like a human Barbie was heysugarsugar beaming with excitement as she handed me the Beautiful Blogger Award. She admits to being slightly deranged, but harmless so I approached with caution. Honestly, how deranged can someone be going by the name Sugar? I love her name! She doesn’t know this, but I spent a good part of my youth singing that famous song by the Archie’s. It was my first 45 and I am proud to say I played it to death. Thank you Sugar for this beautiful award and memory!
Since all of these awards require me to reveal 7 or 11 things about myself. I think I’ll just round this out to an even 10. When you win 3, yes 3 awards in a row, you make your own rules.
1. I am an early riser, which has been instilled in me since childhood. If my father was up, we all had to be up. I spent most of my early life being woken up by the bellowing sound of my dad’s voice saying …“What are you going to do sleep your life away?” It was 6 a.m.!
2. In addition to #1 when I wake up, I am in fact awake. Smiling, talking, laughing or whatever else comes my way. This is extremely annoying to non-morning people….trust me.
3. I’m a Pisces. Psst…my birthday is coming up.
4. I once saw a homeless man lying on a vent wearing the same red dress I 
wore to my sister’s wedding years before. Unlike me, he chose NOT to wear underwear with his ensemble.
5. Making the bed is a priority before leaving the house. It cannot go undone or it will haunt me the entire day.
6. I have the unique ability to immediately notice uncanny resemblances. Just the other day a woman came into the office who looked exactly like Captain Kangaroo. It’s a gift.
7. In my twenties I was held hostage by a squirrel. I opened the dryer and it jumped out. I ran out of the house and sat on the step as it watched me from the laundry room window. It was in full camo, smoking, pointing and at times laughing. This was before cell phones, so I had to WAIT for someone to help me. Closing the door never entered my mind!
8. I saw a sweatshirt hanging on a fence and felt sorry for it…it wasn’t the first time I was emotional over a lonely inanimate object. It was cold and raining, yes I am justifying this insanity.
9. I gasped out loud, smiled like a clown and let out a big YES! when I saw that The Byronic Man “LIKED” one of my posts. I’m so easy to please.
10. I cannot get enough of that Cantankerous Cat meme! Shh, don’t tell anyone, I secretly make up my own captions and laugh out loud.
This is the part where I’m suppose to choose worthy recipients of these awards, but I’ve decided that anyone who took the time to read this post is in fact; Inspiring, Lovely & Beautiful. Therefore, I made the executive decision to allow you all to choose one or all three awards for yourselves. I can’t help it people, I’m a giver.
Now get out there and Enjoy the Ride!
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Fantasy Friday
There has been quite a bit of chatter amongst the ladies about fantasies. Let’s face it; between Magic Mike and 50 Shades, this Summer is one of the hottest on record. This does not include flashes or dew point averages … they are a separate kind of hot.
Here is the low down folks. I wasted 10 hard-earned dollars saw Magic Mike. Seriously, I’ve seen better plots in porno flicks! The lack of chemistry between the characters was so awkward for the audience, especially this patron, I actually found myself wanting an unexpected plumber to appear on the screen to “take care of pipes.” I still don’t think there was a script.
I will admit to enjoying the dance moves of Channing Tatum, however I am NOT turned on by guys even if they are smoking hot who wear oversized sweat pants accessorized with a baseball cap. Construction workers, anyone resembling a cast member of Mad Men and of course the Indian or I guess since it’s 2012, the Native American from the Village People would do it at any given time …. Depending on the mood of course.
As for 50 Shades of Grey, I haven’t jumped on that bandwagon…yet. I think I’ll hop on board at the end of July, when my kiddies 
will be enjoying the shore without us. We will have the Love Shack house all to ourselves, just in case there are any side effects to reading what Mr. Grey has to offer. Any who…
All of this chatter had me thinking about my own fantasies. Guess what, they don’t include men. Put your filthy minds away right now. Let’s see what good old Merriam Webster has to say about the word Fantasy shall we.
FANTASY: noun; the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.
Thank you Merriam for setting the record straight, those Fantasies do not have to include sex. That being said let me reveal some of my most passionate thoughts. There is one fantasy that I’ve been having for years … Jeez, just the thought puts a huge smile on my face. As each year passes, I add different scenarios that just make it better and better….ahh. Oops, slipped right off into La La Land for a moment. Let get down to biz…here is just a taste of what gets this momma excited.
I long for the day when my son gets his own dwelling, for so many reasons, but none more satisfying than what I am about to disclose. The anticipation can be overwhelming at times. Brace yourselves folks….
After a long day of helping him move into his new place, our bodies still covered in sweat, my husband and I slowly walk over to the refrigerator to grab some cold juice boxes. Our son immediately notices the juice boxes from his childhood, forming a huge smile on his face.
On cue like 2 well-organized Ninjas, we drop the juice boxes. In a flash we start jumping on them shooting the juice across the room hopefully on a light-colored carpet to see who can shoot it the furthest. We walk over to our son, pick his jaw up off the floor and tell him Game On as we laugh all the way home. I have goose bumps!
After we arrive home we discuss our next encounter. The anticipation of being invited to a dinner party brings shivers down my 
spine. Should we start off slow by flushing the glass votive holders down the toilet or do we slam hard with the unexpected and decorate the hallway with EVERY Always Maxi with Wings in the box … either way I’ll leave satisfied…I might even have a smoke!
Fantasies are a wonderful escape from reality. It doesn’t matter if they include the likes of Magic Mike and Christian Grey or if they are filled with juice boxes and maxi pads. If you’re smiling in the end that’s all the matters.
Imagination is everything, don’t leave home without it. Enjoy the Ride!
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Fly Your Freak Flag Friday
It’s been Smok’n Hot this week on the East Coast! Record breaking temperatures, soaring thermometers and the scorching heat have left us all waiting for a much-needed cool down. Let’s celebrate the impending dropping digits by giving ourselves permission to let our FREAK FLAGS FLY today and do whatever the hell our heart desires.
Watch what happens simply by letting your Freak Flag Fly, others feel inspired to let theirs fly too. It’s so contagious! Let your Mojo loose, express yourself, be YOU without giving a hoot what anyone else thinks. Within reason people, I don’t want anyone behind bars. Your Freak Flag shouldn’t be dangerous, it’s there to express your joy and release your happiness.
Everyone has a Freak Flag. Some are neatly folded, others shoved in the back of a closet and sadly some have been depleted to the point of no return, but most have just drooped amongst their busy lives, waiting patiently for permission to fly high. Today is your lucky day folks…let’s fly’em high!
Ok, maybe that was a little over the top. How bout we try looking for it first, shake it out and lay it on the bed. Hell, wrap it around you and reintroduce yourselves until you get that..Ah, where have you been baby…where the hell have you been feeling. Then, and only then, if you’re feeling brave, take it to the poll. Don’t get discouraged if you have difficultly getting started, every Freak Flag resurrects at its own pace. Sometimes jumper cables are in order.
I’ve compiled a few suggestions in order to jump-start the resurrection of your Freak Flag. These are some things that I’ve been working on for me. I’m not going to sugar coat anything here…it takes time.
Take some advice from Lady GaGa … Just dance, gonna be okay, da da doo-doo-mmm. Hey if you want to get your groove on and dance to your favorite song…DO IT.. it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than it is to be absolutely boring! Marilyn Monroe said that…umm hmm.
DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING
Hold hands with your lover, hug someone who needs one, kiss your kids, hug your pets and start spreading the LOVE. Unlock those chains on your affection and stop holding back. The more love you put out there, the more you will see it flowing in like sweet honey. Let your Mojo flow.
UNLEASH YOUR HEART
Behave the way that makes you happy and STOP listening to that voice that keeps saying “what’s everyone going to think?” Who the hell is “Everybody” anyway? Your mom, kids, husband…they’ll survive. Sing your favorite song out loud, don’t worry Simon Cowell isn’t watching. Cool off in a sprinkler, put your feet in a fountain and just dive into LIFE.
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
Hang out with other Freak Flag Flyers. This will make it so much easier to let loose. Distance yourself from the fun suckers, key holders and rule followers. Surround yourself with people who inspire and encourage you to be yourself. Put a flower in your hair. Wear bright colors. Ride your bike with no hands … please feel free to shout weeeeeeeee when doing so!
BE YOURSELF
There is nothing more Badass than being yourself, so use this opportunity to drop your guard along with the temperature. No matter what you do, let everyone know you are grateful. Put your hands in the air like you just don’t care and be present in the moment. If you can’t smile…..scream your way through it.
Listen to your inner self and trust what you hear. Pssst…Lisa…Enjoy the Ride!
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WTF Friday
What The Fill in the blank Friday (Filthy minds you have…dirty, filthy minds)
The following story will surely leave you saying _________________.
a) Come On People b) Really? c) WTF d) a & c e) b & c f) a, b, & c
I bring to you the tale of a grieving family. Oh, the grief was almost too much to bear for the family of this young man. Obviously so stricken by the loss of their lying, cheating family member they decided to seek revenge on his Cardiologist. Yea, that’ll teach him a lesson! Get your torches we’re going to put this doctor through the wringer to make sure his other married, lying, cheating patients don’t partake in threesome the night before their cardiac testing.
I’m convinced that common sense is not factored in on these cases. Obviously evidence as to which “head” was making the 
decision should have been considered.
I’m going to assume that the patient was listening to his Brain when he made an appointment with a Cardiologist, suspecting something was wrong. Therefore, the Cardiologist was talking to the Brain when he instructed the patient to follow-up with testing. Is it really necessary to go further?
Was he wrong for not consulting the Penis? Should he have told the Penis to stay put until we find out what’s going on with the MAIN ORGAN in the body? NO! The Penis is already on a power trip believing it is the MAIN ORGAN anyway. It’s common knowledge that the Penis doesn’t listen and is notorious for making poor decisions….Isn’t it?
BRAIN: Hey are you up for a threesome? NO! Are you crazy? I can’t partake in a threesome. First of all I’m a married man. I have small children. Not to mention I’ve been experiencing chest pains and I have a cardiac work-up scheduled tomorrow. Sorry pal you’ll have to find someone else to participate in your fornication festival. I’ll pray for you.
PENIS: Hey are you up for a threesome? Sure.
CASE CLOSED.
Family of man who died during threesome win $3m as doctors did not warn him about physical activity
Threesome?
Brain: No! I have CARDIAC testing scheduled.
PENIS: Sure
William Martinez, 31, a married father of two from Georgia, engaged in the threesome with a friend and another woman who was not his wife, according to reports, when he died in March 2009, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution.
The week before Martinez had reportedly visited the CardioVascular Group in Lawrenceville, complaining of chest pains that shot up his arm.
He was due for tests the following week but the threesome took place the day before he was scheduled to return.
Lawyers for Martinez’s estate, in filing a medical malpractice suit, had argued that his cardiologist did not tell the man to avoid strenuous physical activity before the test was performed, and that high blood pressure as well as a risk of clogged arteries put him at risk.
Jurors at a Gwinnett County court on Tuesday awarded his estate $5 million but they reduced it to $3m after finding him 40 per cent liable for his own death.
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MACH22
A Lefty Like The Master..Jimie Hendrix
Today I’m giving a shout out to my nephew Tyler. Holla! He prefers to go by Ty, now that he is heading into the direction of Rock Star status. Once he incorporated leather and skulls into his wardrobe, even I had to surrender to using Ty.
Ty studied music at the Berklee School of Music, which gives you an idea about the level of love he has for music. He lives, breathes and incorporates it into every part of his life. Music is his passion and when passion is played on a Les Paul … it’s magical.
Currently he is part of the band MACH22, which is made up of the following musical geniuses:
Lamont Caldwell-Vocals
Ty Asoudegan-Lead Guitar
Sebastian LaBar-Rythm Guitar/Vocals
Frank Day-Bass/Vocals
Tim Everly-Drums
Live Performance
MACH22 was started by Lamont Caldwell. I can’t describe how far his talents reach, lets just leave it at a Cosmic Level shall we.
He is a multi-talented musician that was in search of an outlet to let his creative genius loose, and that he did when he joined forces with these other top-notch musicians to form MACH22.
Right from the start they stood-out amongst their peers in the vibrant Philly music scene, along with catching the eye of some professionals in the music biz. It’s no doubt this recognition has been accomplished. Their collective musical passion is heard in every note, it resonates with their audience and leaves them wanting more.
The LIVE performances of this Philadelphia based band have a powerful sound. They have been coined as “Zeppelin meets Kravitz” playing REAL rock and roll music! Remember what that is folks? The sound that makes you want to crank up the volume and the let the song hit you in the face. Oh, yea!
Upcoming LIVE Events:
June 8, 2012 at MOODSWING Nightclub 3421 Kirkwood Highway, Wilmington, DE 19808
June 14, 2012 at The Delancy 168 Delancy Street, New York, NY
June 23, 2012 at the TLA on South Street, Philadelphia, PA (I’ll be the middle ages woman trying to be cool and awake)
You can always check them out on Facebook at MACH22 or http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/mach22 and http://www.youtube.com/user/mach22music
MACH22 is making that Old-School-Rock sound seem fresh. I am happy to announce that on June 1st they released their first music video.
For your listening pleasure, I present to you MACH22 and “Don’t You Give Me.”
**FEEL FREE TO CRANK UP THE VOLUME**
Life With The Top Down 
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