The first Presidential debate I watched was on September 23, 1976. It was held at the Walnut Street Theatre in my hometown of Philadelphia, which made it more exciting. It was the first debate in 16 years and the first for me to witness. I sat on my living room floor in front of the family TV with a blank cassette tape, recorder, and enthusiasm. If you know, you know.

I was in seventh grade at the time and had a very liberal, out-of-the-box lay teacher at my catholic school who recognized the importance of this moment. I still wonder how she was hired.

She went by Ms., drove a yellow Porche convertible, and taught Social Studies in a way that had all of us sitting wide-eyed and interested while welcoming questions and opinions. She was literally an alien in comparison to the nuns.

Our assignment was to watch this crucial presidential debate, and we would discuss it in class. I remember this time clearly in our home. My mother was obsessed with Jimmy Carter, while my father walked around making comments like “he’ll be eaten alive.” My mother went on to attend his inauguration, and my father kept his mouth shut.

If you have a minute to watch this debate on YouTube, you’ll be surprised—not by the content but by the respect. Two grown men could once stand side by side on a stage and present the American people with clear and concise information. I swear it’s true.

Fast forward to the “debate” last night. If I had to narrow it down to one word, that word would be sad.

If nothing else, last night gave us permission to reflect on how we got where we are and whether we want to continue on that trajectory. I do not. Unless we have a 78-year-old candidate with the same vitality and zest for life as Cher or an 80-year-old candidate jumping Jack flashing all over the United States while still fathering babies like Mick Jagger, it’s a no for me. Age is not the issue; mindset is.

All the talking heads following up with their narrative this morning was equivalent to pouring a bucket of salt into an open wound. We deserve more than blah, blah, blah. He’s old. He lied. They’re old, and they lied. We can handle the truth; we really can.

At this point, I’m torn between exercising my constitutional right, fought for by the best of the best women in history, to cast a vote or following my moral compass, which is screaming otherwise. The lesser of two evils card has been played too many times.

I’m not angry by our choice of candidates; none of us can be. Why? They reflect who we’ve become as a nation. They represent our fears, anger, complacency, disconnect, and majority. They are all of us, and that, folks, is discouraging. If the US was a mirror, that stage was the reflection.

A testament to my disappointment is my inability to laugh at the influx of memes that have surfaced this morning. Trust me, I can find humor in some dark situations, but witnessing our democracy in hospice is not one of them.

I shouldn’t be in this position, nor should anyone else in the land of the free and home of the brave. We should have done better; no, we should have demanded better for future generations. But that requires doing the work; frankly, from where I stand, that ship has sailed. Our excitement has been replaced with division.

After 8 years of these two, my optimism feels like that last balloon holding on for dear life weeks after the party. I do not have another 4 years to give to either of these Gentlemen. They don’t deserve it, and they haven’t earned it.

My parents will no doubt be turning in their graves hearing me say this, but is there an alternative? When do we stop bowing down to this nonsense? The answer is now. It’s today. The day after, we witnessed two men who have divided our families, damaged our country, and embarrassed us around the globe, fumbling like fools on a world stage. I want a President who unites us using full meaningful sentences for 90 minutes.

No matter what, I am confident that whatever does happen will be for the greater good. However, it’s not going to be easy.

Buckle up, lock the doors, and hold tight; this ride might be rough, but it will be worth the effort.

Enjoy the Ride! Helmets required.