Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me…

Ah the day after Christmas. The day we all take a moment to sit back to ponder on what the hell went down over the last couple days. Wait … what?

We think about conversations we had with family and friends, that suddenly don’t seem as merry & bright without our Christmas goggles. What the hell was she/he trying to say?

As we put our jeans on today we’ll wonder just how many cookies were taste tested over the past few days. Suddenly our math skills are super sharp as the consumption count hits a record high. Wait! How many times did I say  … “just one more.” YIKES!

We will sort through our gifts, now that we are down from our Christmas high and wonder what exactly the giver might have been thinking at the time of purchase. Um …. yea …. I guess that makes sense … sort of. 

Let’s stay on this point for a moment while I share with you all the gift I received from my loving husband. Do I have your attention? 

Nightstand Necessities

You’re probably imagining me on silk sheets surrounded by chocolates, diamonds and champagne right about now, just basking in the luxuries I deserve for being such an amazing wife and mother that you know I am. Dream on.

As a matter of fact I could give you 10 clues and NO ONE, I mean NO ONE would be able to guess what was waiting for me inside that big box under the tree. Including myself!

No ladies it’s nothing sparkly or silky. Not a single animal was sacrificed for this beauty. It’s definitely bigger than a bread box. The color is a beautiful shade of teal. It has duel engines simmer down gentleman, but no tires. Proceed to scratch your scalp. It can go from 700 watts to 3600 watts with the flick of a switch. It’s something that can be used every day. Hmmm It weighs approximately 25 plus pounds and wouldn’t travel very well. Any one?

When I opened the box lord only knows WTF my face said, because the first words I read were PetClubLLC. Then the lightbulb went off in my head and I was suddenly elated to THINK that it was some sort of mini dog washer/dryer that would make grooming Peanut & Landon much easier. Could someone hit the switch on that lightbulb please … thanks.

I could barely contain my excitement when I squealed “Wow! This will save a ton of money on grooming!”

Let’s just say that excitement was very short lived. When from across the room came the words “No, it’s a blow dryer for YOU, you’re always complaining that your blow dryer isn’t strong enough.” 

Me:  A blow dryer? This says it has duel engines and there is a wind capacity listed on the box!

Loving Husband:  Well, it will dry your hair fast.

Me: It might blow the hair right off my head! At this point I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even contain myself.

Loving Husband: Yea but you’re always complaining how long it takes for your hair to dry. Again with this justification … lol!

Me: This is for animals …. I’m trying to imagine packing this for vacation …. Are we going to need a bigger bathroom?

Everyone:  Laughing hysterically!

Presenting: My Duel Engined Beauty. It also has attachments just in case you were wondering …

Did I mention I was married to Tim the Tool Man?

My son carried my new badass blow dryer to the bathroom, where later that morning I put it to the test. I fired up both engines, put the heat on high and suddenly felt like I was standing on a launchpad waiting for take off. You’re clear for take off!

I took out my styling brush, which was blown right out of my hand with some of my skin. Again the laughter ensued! I began styling, but really couldn’t see what I was doing. The wind was so powerful I had to squint during the process. Suddenly having compassion for leaves. 

My hair was certainly dry … styled? I”m not sure, unless of course you’re going for that just stepped out of a wind tunnel look. 

The jury is still out on wether or not my gift will be staying or if it will be heading back to the industrial tool warehouse. I’ll give it another chance today at a lower speed to save some scalp & skin.

Enjoy the Ride!