List? There’s a LIST?



I’m seeking some assistance from my brilliant readers. You are all so wise that I’m confident one, if not more, hold the answer to my inquiry.

Is there a time limit, expiration date, deadline or cutoff for receiving calls from your ex-husband’s debt collectors? Seriously!

Last evening I was sitting all comfy cozy reading some of your inspiring literature, when I was interrupted by a phone call that took me completely by surprise. I’m not a fan of surprises.

This is what went down:

Me: Hello?

DC a/k/a Debt Collector:  Can I speak with Mr. Dumb Ass? This is so much more appropriate that the real identity of the ex and frankly it’s MUCH nicer than what I really want to say.

Me: Um, there is no one here by that name. Stunned!

DC: *Insert really nasty tone* Well, do you know where I can find him? Oh, no you didn’t!

Me:  Well, as far as I know he is living in his mommy & daddy’s basement with his third victim wife and one of his spawned seeds. This is a true fact.

DC: Oh, um well you are on THE LIST of contacts so, um eh that’s why I’m calling. List?

Me: *Insert complete freaking crazy*  List? There is a list? Guess what mister … there needs to be a LIST of people to contact before you start handing out money to Mr. Dumb Ass. Put me on the top of THAT freaking list! Look, I’ve been divorced from Mr. Dumb Ass for 25 …Y E A R S and all I can tell you is some things never change! Snap!

DC: *Insert a bunch of stuttering nonsense* I’ll take you off the list.

Me: *Insert ALL of the pent-up emotions I have been dealing with this month* Yes, yes you will be taking me of that list because I should have been taken OFF that LIST once the divorce was final TWENTY-FIVE freaking years ago! Who do you think you are calling MY house with a tone as if I’m in control of this Dumb Ass? You really have a nerve calling anyone with a tone sir…you need to save that tone for the stupid people who gave another stupid person any form of credit. Oh, and just so you know, I can guarantee you that Mr. Dumb Ass most likely owes everyone on your precious LIST money as well, so tell your company to get in FREAKING LINE!  Hello?

DC: Silence……ok, have a good evening…click.

Hey, what up March?

Hey, what up March?

I was so out of control, but I’m not surprised after being on a roller coaster ride of emotions this month. It was just a matter of time before someone reaped the unfortunate benefits. The 28 days of February have been chock-full of ups & downs, so I would say this was certainly an appropriate farewell. Tootles February … it’s been real. 

Once the dust settled I heard a faint, somewhat frightened voice coming from down stairs asking “Are you alright?” At this point there was nothing left to do but laugh so hard I couldn’t even answer. This was no doubt the remainder of emotions detoxing from my body. There is no better feeling than releasing emotional toxins from your body!

I am officially entering March like a Lamb. Now, that’s all I need is a foot massage, four donuts and an orgasm (not necessarily in that order) to really…Enjoy the Ride! 

37 responses

  1. In a past life I was used as a reference by a friend. Whatever he was into didn’t work out. They called me. I was pissed and aimed them right at him. He got indignant and wasted my time talking to me about loyalty. I gently reminded him that if he told me s*** would happen and there was something in for me, I might have lied.

    1. Loyalty…..oh, he is lucky to still be alive.

  2. Wow, I can sooooo relate to this. You are not alone, still happens to me too! 😉
    I was stupid enough to consolidate our student loans the last year I was married. My ex was supposed to pay this per our divorce agreement. He didn’t. Now 8 years later, an $8000 debt is $30,000, and they want me to pay it all cuz he doesn’t work, imagine that! Ain’t life grand?

  3. sounds like you have written yourself a great perscription

    1. Hahahaha…no if I can get it filled I’ll be doing good.

  4. I mean prescription………….

  5. Debt collectors will follow whatever leads they can. I once got a call asking about my brother-in-law’s brother. “Why the hell would you think I would know anything about his whereabouts? He doesn’t owe ME any money.”

  6. free penny press | Reply

    something tells me that phone convo was all over that debt collectors office..tee-hee!!
    glad you are marching into March all free and breezy lke!!

    1. I need some free & breezy….I really do!

  7. We were given a number by the phone company for a person who owed everybody in the nation money. Phone calls at all hours. A great time. When we got a new number it was 1 digit off from a Chinese restaurant. Third time was the charm.

    1. Oh Dear God! That is a nightmare.

  8. we are still getting calls about collections from our daughter’s ex fiance… yes, there is a list and I think you handled it lovely… well done you! have missed reading your writing. DAF

    1. Thank you DAF! I want to see the list!!!!

  9. Oh yes… “The List”. Honestly, I love collections, and if I have to come calling – you can bet I’m going to call EVERY PERSON I CAN to get the money that’s owed. But, I also know the laws regarding collections, so as soon as I hear “don’t call me” – yeah – I don’t call.

    1. Really? They go back 25 years? I paid off ALL of his debt after the divorce and honestly I can’t imagine any one in their right mind leaning this ass a penny.

  10. My poor Dad signed a $3000 note for my first car in 198*, which I paid off IN FULL 13 months later, and it was a ding on his credit record for a decade. Weird. Been on the other side of the telescope too. Yep, at one time for a few months in my desperately poor younger life I “did” collections, paperwork and phone calls. I was not very good at it. Talk about getting a glimpse of the seedy side. Here’s a message from one formerly underpaid schmuck collector to your caller: Be nice for heaven’s sake. I guess you kinda told him that already though.

    1. I would be soooooo horrible at collections. I am a sucker for a sob story so I would imagine my check would be paying off other people’s debts. lol

  11. I think your method for getting off the list effective! xoxoM

  12. 25 years is waaaaaaayyyyyyyy too long to be on a creditor’s list! I got these type of phone calls when my first husband & I were divorcing – I just send them a copy of our Separation Agreement which clearly outlined which debts I would be responsible for & for which he would be responsible. Maybe it’s different in Canada, but other than one persistent creditor, it made a world of difference in my case. The one persistent creditor – I ended up yelling over the phone at them!

    1. I feel going back that far is desperate.

  13. If you think that was the worst call of that debt collector’s evening, you’re giving yourself too much credit. As for your “needs”, try not enjoy all three at once, you could choke on the doughnuts or kick your masseur in the nose.

  14. This post had me laughing. I think you handled it quite well. These debt collectors give everyone a bad attitude. My fiancee’ still gets an odd call or mailing looking to collect money from her ex she divorced over 14 years ago!

    I bet that guy was was shaking after you were through with him!


    1. 14 years!!!! Omg…I’m actually happy I’m not alone, but pissed that this even happens.

  15. I am very sorry for your distress but so very happy that you are entering March like a lamb, the cute one whose picture you posted!

  16. Oh, no he didn’t! Sadly they can look for any name connected to a person ever! There is no time limit either, so wrong! Glad you got February out of your system! I just went back to work after 15 months on medical leave so I’m entering March Madness. I hope I handle it as well as you 🙂

  17. I’m generally pretty easy-going and tend to “see it their way” in conflict to a fault (literally – it’s a fault); but in the months since the baby was born I’ve snapped at more people than probably my entire life up to that point. It can be fairly therapeutic, can’t it?

    1. It is so out of character for me to flip, but I must say it felt good. If he didn’t have the tone I would be sympathetic to the fact that this Dumb Ass still had people begging for their money back.
      There are lots of changes that come along with babies (other than the diapers) and you are sleep glad you’re not in jail for your actions.

  18. This sounds like the gift that keeps on giving. Talk about opening an old wound. Best wishes for no future phone calls on this subject. BTG

    1. Old wound is a very good description!

  19. That was awesomesauce at its finest!! you just gained a follower!!

    1. Thank you, thank you very much!

  20. I have to say you, little lamb, have posted a terrific list at the end. I could sign up for that list.

  21. I still get mail for my ex AND he’s never lived in this house. It’s amazing how these creditors work. Sorry to hear about the rough month but it sounds like the stress is starting to come out. Better out than in 🙂

  22. Hey! I nominated you for a blog award. Its on my most recent blog, A Woman of Few Words says a Few More. The rules for these awards seem to change frequently. Anyway, I kept the questions to a minimum for you.

  23. Wow… remind me not to piss you off. Good thing I didn’t read this in Feb. Yeah, I’d say the day the divorce is final is the day to be off the list. Funny about the ‘voice’ coming down the stairs… what an explosion to hear, and wonder what in the hell is going on down there.

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