The Car


Have you eve had a day where you swear a group of comedy writers must be controlling your every move? A day that leaves you shaking your head at the insanity of events? Hey, where’s my check? I earned it!

I recently had the pleasure of  having a day that could have easily been written by a team of Seinfeld writers and simply titled The Car. My son was on vacation with his friend and we were left with the task of finishing the deal on the purchase of his car. Yes, there is something seriously wrong with that last sentence.

While at the bank withdrawing my son’s life savings, I realized the car parked next to me was a 196o something Chevy Impala, the same car that my brother had when I was growing up. He passed on, so I was sort of having a moment. I must have been in deep thought because I never noticed that the owner was now standing next to me.

First thing out of his mouth was “you know this car loves the ladies.”  I turned my head and was greeted by the huge smile of a man dressed in red, from the hat on his head to the shoes on his feet. Cee Lo…is that you?  

There I stood having a conversation with a I hope for everyone’s sake Cee Lo impersonator about old cars for one reason…entertainment. Well folks, I’m pleased to announce he did not disappoint.

He broke the ice with this line …”you know I asked my wife if she would leave me if I hit the lottery and gave her half and she said yes! So, I got a scratch-off, hit for 12 bucks, gave her 6 and told her to get out…hahahahahaha!”  The outfit alone could have gotten him an invite to dinner, but that line..whew, that guaranteed him a seat at the head of the table!  He gave me his business card, for reasons unknown to me and we parted ways.

On the way to get the car I was telling my husband all about “Cee Lo.” Which was followed by a very serious…”can’t you just go to the bank like a normal person?”  The answer to that question would be “no” not when a Cee Lo look-alike is there at the same time. Seriously, would I ever get that opportunity again?  

Throughout the entire ordeal with this car we were dealing with the owner’s son. Just imagine Cam from Modern Family. We would be meeting him and his mother to finish the purchase. Well, when “Cam” came over to our truck to introduce himself he appeared to be alone. So, naturally I inquired as to the whereabouts of his mother, only to get the face of surprise along the words “right here.” For the love of god this woman was the size of the hood ornament! 

Needless to say I could just about contain myself on the way to transfer the tags when I couldn’t even see her in the car.  I couldn’t help it, this is one of those things that struck me as funny and I was slowly loosing control of my outburst. Deep breaths, think of sad things, get rid of the smile. Now get in there and transfer those tags! 

Well, that lasted for approximately 2 seconds after Rita came over to shake my hand and I could see the entire top of her head. In this moment it was confirmed that I am indeed a Sasquatch. 

Now, it’s no secret I have man hands, which has its perks, however this was not one. As I reached in for the shake I realized I am about to crush the hand of a senior citizen. Visual: Baseball mitt takes on a crab claw…never a happy ending. I pulled back just in time to just pinch her hand and spare her a broken bones.

The transaction wrapped up without incident, until we saw the mother & son duo battling it out in the parking lot over a trip to the AC Casino with the envelope of cash. She may be small, but she was apparently a high-roller leaving my son 10.00 of quarters in the ashtray. Cha-ching! 

Life is unpredictable so find the humor and Enjoy the Ride!

29 responses

  1. Cars can be such sentimental things. My college roomate had a Buick Skylark, and we drove that thing to hell and back.

    As for Cee-Lo, i don’t watch whatever show he’s on and I’ve never knowingly heard his music (assuming he’s a musician). The first few times he shoswed up on TV commercials, my wife and I both turned to each other and hoped the other might have a clue who he is. I don’t know when exactly I totally lost touch with “the kids today” but it’s happened and I’m not sure I want to do anything about it. The lure of listening to big band music and sitting in a rocking chair is stronger than ever (though I wouldn’t know Tommy Dorsey if he rose from the grave and showed up next to Cee Lo).

    Nice post!

    1. Musician yes, according to my definition no. He looks like a candy apple with a microphone.
      I find cars to be sentimental too. My brother use to take us on dates (I think he actually used us to pick up women) with him in that car all the time. It was a win win and gave us great memories.

  2. I must say you do have great comedy writers planning out your life!

    1. Some days I really feel like I need an agent.

  3. free penny press | Reply

    Now how can anyone question your motives or rush you when you meet a Ce-Lo twin in the parking lot? As for the “little lady”, I guess it would have been rude to pat the top of her head instead of shaking(*crushing*) her hand, huh? 🙂

    1. Hahahaha! When my kids were little I would always rub their heads when they were next to me…it was almost an instinct to do the same to her.
      My husband wouldn’t even have noticed my new friend and Cee-lo look alike…and I am like a magnet.

  4. This is like a Seinfeld episode! Too funny!

    1. I know! I kept imagining George saying “I’m trying to have a moment here.” Hahaha

  5. My father used to say that he attracted weird people like a magnet. It’s genetic, because I do too. And since we are the same person you should not be surprised by any of these events!

    Funny story!

  6. I would watch The Car over and over again! Hilarious!

  7. Am I the only one whose mind went right back to a Sunday night with Bonanza and “see the U.S.A. in a Chevrolet” warbling in the background? Really?

  8. I have never quite got the whole Cee-Lo thing. I’m afraid I would have been chatting him up myself if it had been me. Of course if it was the real thing I would have one question…”Why?”. Strangely The first time I saw him was on “The Voice” and I thought he was some bizarro Vegas clown act. When I did listen to his music I quite liked it. I know! I was surprised too. If only I could lose the visual. 😉

    1. Hahahahahaha! OMG! When I saw him on The Voice I wasn’t sure what to think other than Sweet Jesus what the hell is that!? But, I must say his tunes are catchy. The guy I was talking to was hilarious..honestly one of the best personalities I ever, you would have loved him.

  9. I had a 69 Impala as a HS kid. Love your whole interaction. This sounds like something that would happen to me, too. Nothing like great blog material, right?

    1. I think my brothers was either a 67 or a 69. He got it right when he got out of the service. Real life is the best material.

  10. I learned to drive in a chevy impala… I understand the looking at one with memories. Would have loved to meet Cee-Lo and well done you for not busting a gut with the mom… As always, a wonderful read that leaves me refreshed and smiling…thanks, DAF

    1. Thank DAF! Hope you are gutting to Skype with the baby.

  11. Inappropriate laughter is usually the best kind 🙂

  12. Better a team of comedy writers than a team of drama writers :).

  13. You have a knack for meeting weirdly dressed people in the most mundane places. its so fun to read about!

  14. I’m told normal people don’t go to the bank. They do all their transactions on line. Thank goodness!!! That leaves banking for the wildly weird. If financial institutions would serve liquor there, it could be a great comedy club. Great story.

    1. That’s an interesting fact and certainly explains a lot. I do some online banking and some personal….ok, now that just confirms…sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don’t. Thanks for stopping by and commenting!

  15. Too funny! You can’t make those things up—unless you are a comedy writer, of course. Maybe this will give you inspiration for a new career.

  16. I noticed you didn’t go to buy the car in your Mercedes… With the Top Down.

    “like a normal person…” I love that one!

    1. Hahaha! Believe it or not it was too hot to have the tope down. Had to slum it in the husband’s work truck.
      Ugh, I’m so glad I’m not normal!

  17. Really funny! Great post. I like the way you ended the post with the line, “Life is unpredictable so find the humor and Enjoy the Ride!”. So true!!

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