Have you eve had a day where you swear a group of comedy writers must be controlling your every move? A day that leaves you shaking your head at the insanity of events? Hey, where’s my check? I earned it!
I recently had the pleasure of having a day that could have easily been written by a team of Seinfeld writers and simply titled The Car. My son was on vacation with his friend and we were left with the task of finishing the deal on the purchase of his car. Yes, there is something seriously wrong with that last sentence.
While at the bank withdrawing my son’s life savings, I realized the car parked next to me was a 196o something Chevy Impala, the same car that my brother had when I was growing up. He passed on, so I was sort of having a moment. I must have been in deep thought because I never noticed that the owner was now standing next to me.
First thing out of his mouth was “you know this car loves the ladies.” I turned my head and was greeted by the huge smile of a man dressed in red, from the hat on his head to the shoes on his feet. Cee Lo…is that you?
He broke the ice with this line …”you know I asked my wife if she would leave me if I hit the lottery and gave her half and she said yes! So, I got a scratch-off, hit for 12 bucks, gave her 6 and told her to get out…hahahahahaha!” The outfit alone could have gotten him an invite to dinner, but that line..whew, that guaranteed him a seat at the head of the table! He gave me his business card, for reasons unknown to me and we parted ways.
On the way to get the car I was telling my husband all about “Cee Lo.” Which was followed by a very serious…”can’t you just go to the bank like a normal person?” The answer to that question would be “no” not when a Cee Lo look-alike is there at the same time. Seriously, would I ever get that opportunity again?
Throughout the entire ordeal with this car we were dealing with the owner’s son. Just imagine Cam from Modern Family. We would be meeting him and his mother to finish the purchase. Well, when “Cam” came over to our truck to introduce himself he appeared to be alone. So, naturally I inquired as to the whereabouts of his mother, only to get the face of surprise along the words “right here.” For the love of god this woman was the size of the hood ornament!
Needless to say I could just about contain myself on the way to transfer the tags when I couldn’t even see her in the car. I couldn’t help it, this is one of those things that struck me as funny and I was slowly loosing control of my outburst. Deep breaths, think of sad things, get rid of the smile. Now get in there and transfer those tags!
Now, it’s no secret I have man hands, which has its perks, however this was not one. As I reached in for the shake I realized I am about to crush the hand of a senior citizen. Visual: Baseball mitt takes on a crab claw…never a happy ending. I pulled back just in time to just pinch her hand and spare her a broken bones.
The transaction wrapped up without incident, until we saw the mother & son duo battling it out in the parking lot over a trip to the AC Casino with the envelope of cash. She may be small, but she was apparently a high-roller leaving my son 10.00 of quarters in the ashtray. Cha-ching!
Life is unpredictable so find the humor and Enjoy the Ride!