Zip It..Zip It Good

There have been days when I’ve listened to the senseless ramblings of nothing for what seems like hours…even days. Maybe it’s because I’m craving some human contact, I’m bored, avoiding the other million things that need to be done or I just can’t bring myself to say “Zip-It.”  Sadly, I know the truth, I am “Zip It” impaired. There I said it! It’s the first step to recovery right?

My ears have been pimped out to these undeserving windbags for too long, working their lobes off listening to what I would consider nothing but the dreaded banter of me, me, me.

Don’t get me wrong, these drums are total sluts when it comes to other types of listening, some good music for instance is more than welcome. They are suckers for shaking elderly voices, wide open for the troubles of loved ones and they practically become satellite dishes for some sweet nothings.

The windbags are making this ear pleasure very difficult with their evasive nonsense. They scour the earth in search of eye contact. Once they have that, it’s all over for the ears. They don’t care who it is or where they are, if you have ears…working or not…they pounce. I’ve slowly become a magnet for this crew.

Perhaps it’s my compassionate nature..nah, who am I kidding…it’s not. It’s more like my inquisitive nature. Instead of a quick “Zip It”  I always make the mistake of asking a question. Well, questions to a windbag are the Golden Ticket. This is an open invitation to…you guessed it…prolong the pain. Meanwhile, in their head they are hearing nothing short of.. “OMG! she loves me! She wants me to go on and on about me..yea!”

That’s all it would take is a quick “Zip It” to end this madness….yet I can’t do it. Sitting in silence, politely listening to useless words from the windbag, as I’m chanting “SHUT THE FRONT DOOR” in my head. My inner voice is having a field day filling my head with sarcastic responses that never get spoken as I try to imagine how many socks it would take to fill the pie hole.

I think I have finally found my answer in this wonderful tutorial. Dr. Evil really touches on the basics of getting your “Zip It” on, by making it look so natural. Incorporating DEVO…well, that is just pure genius. When a windbag comes along … you must “Zip It”…”Zip It” good!

Enjoy the Ride! 

10 responses

  1. Devo! I still have the album, y’know… vinyl and all that. Back when a flowerpot as headgear was outre. Also, love the Dr. Evil clip (“suck my zipple?”)… blah blah blah, better tell me to, you know…

    1. Hahahaha! If anyone knew how many times I watched the clip and laughed each time…”zipple” is hilarious!

  2. free penny press | Reply

    Ha…love it when he says “zip it” in Japanese..Zippy Longstocking? lol

    I think I might start using the ZZZZ sound when people start talking too much about nothing !

    1. Yes, the ‘zip it” sub title had me cracking up. I love your idea of the ZZZZ sound…that my friend is a good start.

  3. I may even have to post this piece at my office. Somehow, I doubt that it would catch the attention of the woman who thinks it is interesting to tell me how many hours she slept last night and precisely how many sheep she counted before nodding off. Lord!

    1. Hahahaha….Lord is right, hanging it up will probably just map her talk more.

  4. These people make it seem like we’re all “Working in a Coal Mine”. Well, had to continue with the Devo theme. Have you ever had the situatuion where in these conversations windbags start referring to people you don’t know by their name or nickname, as if you have known them for years?

    1. Absolutely and they don’t care one bit, they just keep on yapping.

  5. I like the “zzzzzzz” sound as a prelude to Zip It! I’ll have to incorporate this into my daily vernacular. Although I have gotten quite good at holding up a finger till they stop talking & saying “Sorry, I’ve got to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back” & then taking a long time in the bathroom. Although it does help if you can set the scene by planting the seed you have IBS or something, so they find your excuse really believable.

    1. Hahahahaha! It’s like having another job!!

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